need to procrastinate today? make up your own SN limerick

[lingle]

"there once was a boy with propensities,
for problems linguistic and sensory
they said "hmm, autistic?"
his mum went ballistic
and brainstormed on mumsnet intensively

by lingle aged 39 and a half.

[lingle]

who would have thought there were so many good rhymes for autistic?

[SanctiMoanyArse]

A child with SLT delay
And a habit of stimming did say
cheesy cheesy robot cheesy
robot robot robot cheesy
As his Dad cried alert! Panic! may day!

(or that may just be a news reportt of this house right now LOL)

[lingle]

A child with such poor understan'ing
well it wasn't what lingle was planning
but her glamourous career
has now gone to the rear
while she works on his speech and reads Hanen.

[SanctiMoanyArse]

The professionals seemed to like TEACCH
said ABA was out of their reach
DIR worth exploring
but their accountants imploring
if you want any help best call Peach!

[r3dh3d]

In the same vein as lingle...

A career lady's life plan was canned
by her offspring's disorders unplanned
she sits home while her brain
writes this limeric in vain
but she's pleased that it both rhymed and scanned

I would have been more original, but I'm struggling to make any practical use of the fact that "seizure" rhymes with "freesia"...

[SanctiMoanyArse]

OK same idea

My religion and philos'phy degree
is rotted in the corner, just debris
An MA in ASD
offers no guarantee
But beats the trash heap aged just thirty!*

I wish, but 36 doesn't rhyme LOL

[notfromaroundhere]

There was a community quack
whose knowledge of ASD did lack
she told the mum
it's just cos you're glum
and gave her a pat on the back

[MrsYamada]

I have an autistic child
He tends to be a bit wild.
But say something nasty -
you'll need rhinoplasty,
Cos man I am easily riled!

[TotalChaos]

There was a crap nursery
Whose knowledge of SN was cursory
Once the language delayed child
Went to a setting less trialed
His delay became more mild.

[sodit]

There was a young boy with speech delay
Not one word could he say
He became quite angry and glum
Now his favourite word is bum
And loves to shout it all through the day

[Macforme]

Genetic disorders are odd
And it's all very well blaming God
But my primary suspect
For causing this defect
Is my great grandad -the sod!

[Macforme]

and DS2's granny would like to add..
You can't get more "normal" than me!
Just look in my lunch box and see!
Bananas are great
But they have to be straight!
I live on them permanently!

[notfromaroundhere]

"Mum, what do you think" says the SALT
I think I am not your mum I want to retort
but I politely refrain
from screaming "use my bloody name"
to stop the meeting from getting fraught

[lingle]

Rhodesia? amnesia? please ya? tease ya? Eloise?
r3dh3d definitely gets the technical merit award.

[lingle]

ah yes total, the nursery cursory connection..... it had to be done.

just laughed out loud about great grandad the sod

[lingle]

"The Assessment" by lingle

A SALT once came into my home
And she frightened me down to the bone
Now she's wrote on her file
That I'm just in denial
But I'm much better off on my own

[lou031205]

The role of My SLT:

"Not my job" said the SLT
"To do the therapy"
I just devise it
Perhaps then advise it
Then wait to see progress, you see.

[lou031205]

Our Social services assessment

A social worker once came to see
The state of our young family
She jotted down notes
When I read them she wrote
"They've got no problems, you see"

The social worker clearly was lying
And her report simply left me crying
But I've come to realise
That SS live on lies
But it won't stop me trying.

[lou031205]

DD1 is a family treasure
But her tantrums know no measure
Refusal to walk,
Kicks and screams make us balk,
But one day we might walk for pleasure

[MrsForgetful]

There once was a mum of 3 boys
all with AS - Joy of Joys!
She built a cocoon,
No planned escape soon...
She loves her life of meltdowns and noise!

[MrsForgetful]

when things are getting too much
'so called friends' don't keep in touch
your feeling so trapped
your nerves have all snapped...
remember MUMSNET gets you out of the ruts!