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Original poster

My apologies and departure

83 replies

amber32002 · 09/05/2009 06:32

I am so sorry that I have hurt people on here. It was never my intention.

I'm afraid I've discovered I have no way to explain things properly, and that when I try, it hurts people. I wish with all my heart sometimes that I wasn't on the autism spectrum so I didn't put my size 99 feet in things by trying to give too much information, which I think is helpful, but which turns out to be totally insulting

I don't want that for any of you.

Please take care of yourselves - I'll miss you all.

love
Amber

OP posts:
Phoenix4725 · 09/05/2009 06:54

amber dont go you given me and a lot of others such insight to understanding our dc

And we are all guilty of foot in mouth syndrome.Not that i think you was we all just have differnt views same as we are all differnt

Original poster
amber32002 · 09/05/2009 06:55

I can't risk hurting people any more Phoenix, not for my sake. It's not worth it, and I'm not worth it

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sarah293 · 09/05/2009 07:00

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Original poster
amber32002 · 09/05/2009 07:05

Givemesleep, I am SO sorry that my efforts to try to explain things to mumsnet (so they could maybe look to set up a safe space for people like me) have ended in so much pain for you and for others here because you saw it as me saying you were filled with hate for me. I never thought that. I don't know anything about what you think - my mind is a total blank on what others think, you see. I can't do it. No theory of mind at all.

I just say and so some stupidly stupidly undiplomatic things as a result, and people do get upset. I deserve what you said about me because I so totally fouled up thing for you and for the others without meaning to.

You don't need that pressure in your lives. I am a mum with an SN child and this place has been a lifeline for me in the toughest months I've had, but no way would I do so at your expense. I can't 'hear' what you think, or know what you feel, but I know that I've hurt you, and that's enough to make me just so ashamed of what I can be like thanks to the ridiculous way my brain works.

This is a board for SN mums and I have absolutely no right to ask that it's made safer for me to be here.

I truly truly am sorry

OP posts:
Original poster
amber32002 · 09/05/2009 07:07

and no, I hadn't asked that people say or do anything rude to you, nor would I. I'd asked if people could help me explain because I'm so cr&p at it when I'm in a state and exhausted, but I got that wrong too. Again, I'm so sorry.

OP posts:
Phoenix4725 · 09/05/2009 07:10

amber
we all can say things that can hurt without realsing here on the sn board or out in the wider world.

give it a few days and peoplewould have forgotten .You have helped more people than you think you might of upset

Original poster
amber32002 · 09/05/2009 07:14

No, I can't. I've seen the comments on the Site Stuff thing from the lurkers and Mrs T etc and I am just so ashamed of my own stupidity - I'm not good enough to be on here, and people deserve better than this - much much better

OP posts:
madmouse · 09/05/2009 07:25

Amber come back here right now - if we cannot make allowances for your special needs what is the point of having this flippin' board.

Don't go. Need you on here.

Recent posts on sn show me as an outsider (from the ASD debate at least) simply that ASD is not an easy matter to deal with.

improvingslowly · 09/05/2009 07:25

I think yo have helped a lot of people.
But this has all got too intense. Have a bit of a break and rest and then come back.

sarah293 · 09/05/2009 07:27

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Original poster
amber32002 · 09/05/2009 07:31

madmouse, but people want it to be for the SN parents who can cope on here. So do I. I don't think there is a way to help someone like me on here - I'd asked for help because I'm so close to the edge and I'm already not coping, and what happens when I don't cope? I make stupid mistakes which alienate everyone I need to help me. so I end up in a worse state than I was before I asked.

Which is where I am now.

And of course the parents here want to rant.

I've been here for a year and never once asked them not to, and I never have during this debate either, or so I thought

But somehow what I wrote about needing some ideas, any ideas, any help, has been absolutely awful for people. and I can't risk doing that to them again, ever.

It's not a question of time. Time won't make not be aspie any more. I'm so sorry that I am

OP posts:
sarah293 · 09/05/2009 07:33

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Original poster
amber32002 · 09/05/2009 07:34

Theory of mind? You could look at someone and think "I know that person X has these feelings". I look at a person and it's just a blank, and I have to guess it from what others tell me or what I can work out from their words on the screen, which for me is like trying to paint the Mona Lisa with an old garden broom or trying to play an entire symphony with nothing more than a wooden spoon and an upturned saucepan.

And I can try and try and try and all I do is hurt people and I hate myself for it

OP posts:
Original poster
amber32002 · 09/05/2009 07:34

What disabled persons section?

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sarah293 · 09/05/2009 07:35

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sarah293 · 09/05/2009 07:36

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Robespierre · 09/05/2009 07:39

I posted in your thread in site stuff just now but I don't think you saw it. Sorry to crash the SN board.

What I wanted to say is:
If it wasn't for you telling us about your communications disorder, I honestly wouldn't have known that you had one. You haven't displayed any lack of awareness, lack of empathy, you have put your case sensitively and articulatly. If it has been a difficult dispute, that has to do with the subject matter and with all the everyday dynamics of mumsnet.

So it doesn't indicate that you shouldn't be posting here!!

Knowing that you have a comm. disorder, you might be tempted to put all communications difficulty down to it. But communication is hard and often upsetting for everyone.

Original poster
amber32002 · 09/05/2009 07:39

Not by hurting other people, never. If I'm doing that and can't work out how not to, and people need this space to be safe from me, I need to leave

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 09/05/2009 07:40

amber if you need to take a break then do but don't leave us completely there's a lot of us that do understand you and find your help so valuable

i know you must be feeling quite bad but remember you have done nothing wrong we all make mistakes from time to time i still do

make sure when you feel able to come back and do what you do best xx

bubblagirl · 09/05/2009 07:40

sorry that should be big firm hand shake lol

Original poster
amber32002 · 09/05/2009 07:40

Oh God -help me

OP posts:
madmouse · 09/05/2009 07:42

Amber none of us are our best when close to the edge. i am not - that's for sure. I am struggling with ptsd at the moment and other things I do not wish to mention and my poor dh gets things thrown at him at the most unexpected moments. Five minute rant because he put ds's chair in front of the ironing board - anyone?

Like my dh - who shows definite aspie signs - you seem to lack the ability to cut yourself any slack at all and immediately steam through into hating yourself and thinking everyone is better off without you.

Maybe the suggestion below to take a little bit of time out is not a bad one. But don't disappear because people do not hate you and there is no need to go.

sarah293 · 09/05/2009 07:42

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5inthebed · 09/05/2009 09:17

Amber, I can understand you wanting to leave thi board, but I really think there is no need. Maybe take a few weeks off from it to give yourself a breather, but please don't leave all together. Your insights into ASd have really helped me.

Yes there will be posts on here that upset you, so maybe you should just read the ones you can tell from the title that will be ok to read, or the ones asking for specific help.

Hope to see you around in a few weeks.

tclanger · 09/05/2009 09:58

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