Help - Son's Behaviour getting worse, also suicidal, feel like the world is against me and him

[oliandjoesmum]

I haven't posetd on here for a couple of years now, but if you are interested in the background I guess you can search on my nickname. I am not sure how to do links??
Anyway, my eldest DS is now 8. His behaviour is so extreme, I have no idea how to cope any more. He was recently moved to a larger school for year 3 because we thought he would manage better there, and his brother (4 - in reception) wanted to go there. His violent outbursts got worse and worse (hitting/ biting/ trying to stab a child with a pencil), and his depression and self harming attempts (biting himself/ hitting himself with heavy objects/ scratching/ pulling hair out) also escalated. I eventually had to take him out the day I found him running around the school screaming his head off and unable to even recognise me (no teacher with him). I think he found the size/ sensory overload/ social demands of the school too much.
He is now at another smaller school (the school he had left) part time, but he is so withdrawn and suicidal. He can't look at people, he puts his coat over his head when walking in to school. He can only manage two hours a day, and certainly no lunchtimes.He has violent outbursts at home, kicking and throwing, and he hides under tables/ beds etc. I also have a 4yo and 1 yo to care for, and a part time job.
The other parents are being horrendous, the gossip is atrocious. My son is undergoing an ASD diagnosis, he quite clearly is mentally disturbed, and he can't help his actions. However people are saying I don't care, that I am cold and rude (I am actually acutely depressed, and unable to cope with the playground anymore). They have also started chinese whispers that my 4yo is 'naughty'(he isn't, right perfect peter) to paint me further as a bad mother.
I am in constant conversations with educational psychologist, CAMHS, CASADT, consultant, head teacher etc etc, what more can I do?? Nothing ever actually seems to happen, mental health process seems to be a complete nightmare.
Have applied for IPF, really hoping this might help, but really, I don't know what to do. Is this ASD/ conduct disorder/ ADHD?? I just don't know. I am at breaking point and having panic attacks frequently about him being excluded/ taken in to care. The other mothers have no idea, they say 'we/him are not punished enough' for his behavoiur, they have no idea of the hell. I need some help, but I don't know where else to turn....

We saw GP yesterday. She was furious/horrified that nobody is doing anything to help him or us. She rang CAMHS and demanded as a priority that he gets some help. Waiting to here back from her. CASADT (autism support team) have written a quite useful report including some good strategies, have said also to do a story with the other children for them to understand why Joseph finds some things (personal space being invaded/ eye contact/ change) difficult. They also need to explain why he just says whatever is in his head, doesn't know how to regulate thoughts. Will also explain why he reacts by running/ throwing chairs/ hitting out. I understand that 7/8 year old children are scared, it is the parents I don't understand, one of them is actually doing a masters in psychology, and she is one of the ringleaders!! The IPF may be the stepping stone we need whilst awaiting dx.

oliandjoesmum, I don't want to sound negative but my experience(and so many others on MN over the years) has shown that CAMHS are often less than helpful, they seem to have this habit of making the parent feel worthless. I'm not encouraging you not to go along to the appt though because they might be able to throw up some good stategies but just to let you know how it could be.

Also if you do a search under Attila's name under SN's you'll come up with some good advice on parents going for a statement. It might help you.

As for the other parents, I don't know but you've just got to not take it personally. Easier said than done I know.

Oh I'm sorry I don't feel my last post was very helpful at all. You desperately need help and the last thing I want to do is to discourage you from going to CAMHS.

Sounds like you've had some great help with the CASADT, I never knew they even existed..

Really good news that the GP took you seriously and has done something about it.

Your GP should also refer you to a developmental paed at a child development centre. This can also be done as well as the referral to CAMHS.

www.ipsea.org.uk are good at the whole minefield that is the statementing process; their website is detailed above.