I might get flamed for this, but I still need to get it off my chest

[emkana]

I was talking to somebody who had a ds the same time that I had my ds. She was telling me how worried her dh had been that there would be something "wrong" with this, her third, child, and how her dh was a wreck when he found at the birth that luckily the child was "perfect".

And it kind of gets me. You know what, there is something "wrong" with my child, but we were still overwhelmed with happiness when he was born...

(I know I know I am being oversensitive)
(I know she didn't mean it that way)
(and I know that before I had ds I probably wouldn't have thought much of it)
(but still)

It is easy to forget that there are other people reading & not everything is directed solely at you. I suppose that's why a lot of posters on MN get peed off so easily.

Well, my DS is perfect. Nobody will convince me otherwise. Ever.

Have just had a peek at your pics... your son is absolutely GORGEOUS. Adorable.

She's mad if she doesn't see that your ds is perfect.

I bet her child doesn't have their own fan club like your ds does.

But how does she know that her child will stay 'perfect'? What about things that aren't noticeable at birth - developmental etc. And god forbid that her child might turn out to eg need speech therapy or (shock horror) be a red head or left handed.....

Wouldn't it be great if we could manage those pithy retorts at the time? I can always manage them a few hours after the event...

DH had a pretty insensitive moment himslef last parents' evening by saying in front of the headteacher, 'God, why couldn't we have at least one bog-standard normal one?' Headteacher retorted briskly, 'Normal means average. Average is boring. I'd far rather teach in a school with a few like yours in it.'

I think I love our head...

Tclanger - yes they certainly are
PussinWellies - what a fab Head

That's a lovely thing for the Head to say. And true, too.

I find it difficult when people come back froma scan and say 'ohhh that God, everything is ok' meaning it would appear from the nuchal scan they don't have a child with DS.

So no flaming here. I get exactly what you mean. However I also know I'mn being slightly unreasonable and of course they are happy that their scan showed a supposedly healthy "normal" baby growing nicely. And I'm happy for them too. But it does also make me a bit 'thing' when people are all relieved their child doesn't have DS all the same. I can't help it. It's a sort of protective, defensive thing I guess??

Thanks all it's nice to see it's not just me

Nope - it's definitely not just you emkana, it really grates with me too. People say some sodding insensitive things.

BTW - just had a peek at your profile, your ds is lovely (as ever!).

Thomcat - it is difficult. All my scans with DS2 showed a healthy "normal" baby & he has Mosaic Down's Syndrome. However, DH & I had already said that we wouldn't have any tests or amnioscentesis (sp?) because we would never have terminated a pregnancy & I'm pleased we didn't as I'm sure I'd have spent my pregnancy worrying about something I couldn't do anything about anyway. As it is he's perfect to us in every single way & he's one of the happiest and most laidback babies I've ever met ... but then I could be a little biased

I think you friend was ASTOUNDINGLY tactless. It's perfectly OK for her to feel like this, but why the hell is she regaling YOU with this story?? If I had a friend who was struggling to conceive, I wouldn't be yakking on about how easy I found it. If a friend was being evicted from her house, I wouldn't go on about how much equity I had in mine. It's just so RUDE.
Nobody longs for their child to have a disability, but you pick your audience.

Emkana - Your ds is gorgeous, a real stunner!