Oh god I've just blubbed in front of thePortage Co-ordinator and now feel really low

[Merlot]

We just had a visit from the Portage Co-ordinator (Educational Psychologist). I am feeling low at the moment anyway but this lady seemed to open up my floodgates .

She was very nice, but very quietly spoken - leaving lots of silences and observing ds2 a lot. Ds2 has the start of a stinking cold and a bit of a temperature to boot and spent most of the session ignoring me and just chucking blocks around the place.

I just feel such a crap mother and when she asked whether ds2 gets much chance to socialize with other kids, the waterworks just opened up! I really feel that I am not playing with ds2 enough, that he is not mixing with other kids and that I am a useless mother to him.

Spent all last evening finishing off a Roman Soldier outfit for ds1 and feel that I am as good a mum as I can possibly be to him, but to ds2 I feel woefully inadequate and just feel so bl**dy useless.

I am now convinced that this woman is going to put down half of Matthew's problems to his `depressed, isolated' mother.

Sorry to sound off, but have no one else to talk to just now

HV finally put in an appearance last week and has suggested that ds2 goes on the Disability Register and all of this has just started to hit home and I feel really sh1tty

Sorry, just need to get it out of my system - I am going upstairs to pound a pillow!

Merlot, I cried in front of our portage worker on her first visit. More embarassingly I burst into tears at ds2's second session at preschool -suddenly struck me the differences between him and the other kids. I was supposed to be there all session while they got to know him but in the end they sent me home and everyone coped better without me I think .

I also got upset at a friend's house the other day because her kids wouldn't play with ds2 because he is so clumsy and doesn't understand their games. Suddenly I could see his whole life spent being excluded and that started me sobbing. So you can see I do it all over the place . Ironically this friend seemed quite relieved that I was upset, I suspect she thought that I didn't really care because I hadn't expressed a lot of emotion on the subject before.

Merlot - you are so, so normal.

In the early days I cried a hell of a lot. The amount of times I burst into tears in front of the special needs play group leader I doubt I have enough fingers to count.
I cried hysterically infront of the music therapist twice when talking about dd. We were watching some of the sessions (as I was never in the room, I sat outside) on the tv and I cried my eyes out watching dd on that.
I cried when talking to the Senco at my ds's school before dd left about how hard it all was as we were taking her out of the school.
I have cried in front of the SALT when we talked about dd and she told me how proud I should be of dd.
I cried talking to dd's teacher about dd and what her problems were and how hard I was finding it all.
I broke down in my gp's surgey in Deecmber again about how hard it all is and how difficult I was finding it.
You get the jist, I have cried buckets and still do.
I just wanted you to know that it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do and we all deal with it in our own way.
It's funny but I have never cried infront of a male pro, always women!
Don't be too hard on yourself you are doing a brilliant job in exceptional circumstances.
Love & hugs Blossomhill {{{{{xxxxx}}}}}

Ah you are all so lovely!

Thanks so much for your support .

I think these emotions are heightened by PMT - does anyone else find this?

er. yes Merlot. Mind you anything to do with either of my 2 children and I am a blubbering wreck. As dh says my bladder is too near my eye

LOL Blossom

When the Educational Psychotherapist went this morning, I looked in the mirror and I looked like Alice Cooper

Bloss....my old man says "go on have a good cry.....you'll piddle all the less"!!!!!

Merlot....I look like Alice Cooper....all the time!!!!!!

Merlot and Jaysmum

Well I think although the men suffer it is harder for the mums because while they are at work we are dealing with everything.

I call this whole experience an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I just want to get off !!!!

LOL at "Bladder" Blossom and "Alice" Merlot!

I blubber away at the most stupid of things when I have PMT. I also find myself wiping away a tear at some of the SN threads. Whenever I remember Lou's thread about her ds2 at his sports day I still get all teary. And don't even get me started on the SN threads about first steps, crawling, pulling up etc. Oh gawd. Here I go again.

Well dh has just opened a bottle of my favourite wine (no prizes for guessing which!) and I am trying to work out how many glasses I should have i.e enough to be relaxed but not too many to start me blubbing again!! I think its probably just the one (especially if you see the size of my glasses )

It's not Blossom Hill is it?

Merlot, so sorry you're feeling so down. I think it's good that you have had a good cry, though. I always feel better when I actually let some emotion out. The worst weeks are the ones when I sort of feel as if I'm sobbing inside but putting a facade on? If you know what I mean. I'm also having a glass of wine- my second, actually

Your right Jak - I do feel better for that blub yesterday (feel less pent up - `crying inside' describes it perfectly imo)

Yep, definitely. I'm having a 'crying inside' day today. Not good!

Oh Jak, sorry to hear that . I expect you feel particularly vulnerable at the moment >>

Oh Jak.....have a cyber hug from me.