This story is so sad......... and awful too.......

[lottiejenkins]

www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/2008/09/08/mum-could-not-cope-with-disabled-daughter-91466-217 05000/

Exactly - it's easier to cope if you aren't the one trekking around hospital appointments etc.

Obviously still not condoning killing the child.

By Seuss on Wed 10-Sep-08 13:00:18
Exactly - it's easier to cope if you aren't the one trekking around hospital appointments etc.
sorry disagere
a lot of men can end up feeling sidelined because they don't get to do these things.
a lot of men give up work and become the main carer.
It would have been no easier for the dad to cope.

but how often are the roles reversed? Not necessarily in terms of a child with sn but in general? How many women are there that do all the work and looking after the children and the men do nothing? And this goes on for years and years, and although generally the men don't end up killing the children, they often resent things, the time that the woman spends with the children instead of with him, etc.

If this woman did not have any maternal feelings for her child (and she can't have done if she was able to kill her) then she may have felt resentment towards her, and her dh for the time he spent with her?

Agree- dh has loads of involvement with the boys, if not here much (work or carnival) he makes the effort to wake and dress them, or walk them to school. And thats with depression and agorapbia (so the walking to school hard!)

I agree 2 shoes about some dads feeling side-lined, but I'm just not convinced we are getting the full story with regard to this dad doing everything.

That would make more sense.

But still, if she was doing the school run etc. then she obviously was playing a part in the childs life even if she wasn't coping emotionally.

I sound like I'm defending her and I'm not, I really can't understand how someone could do that...but I really feel that we know nothing about her.

I hate to be positive about the services offered here (habits of a lifetime etc) but all parents at dx are offered a return within 2 weeks for questions. Mind, they blew that with ds3 with the constantly changing dx!

Seuss people like you are mportant- in order for these things to be prevented, somebody needs to step outside the horror and lok at what happened. It is not the same as cndoning.

I wouldn't want to be on that jury. It does come back to lack of emotional support again, especially with her history of problems.

Don't know fio, I just wanted out so I ddnt cry so I declined

and therein lies the system flaw.....

Thing is though, if you need help you probably aren't in the frame of mind to go looking for it, so unless someone walks up to you and says 'tell me all about it love' you probably aren't going to talk to anyone. I don't get why if she was talking about adoption and the marraige was in trouble the husband didn't suggest she go and get some counselling or see the GP.

Peachy - I agree. I've tried to get out of many an appt. quickly before I start weeping.

maybe because the idea of giving a child up for adoption is so unthinkable.

There's a thread on mn atm from a poster whose dh said that either they give their ds up for adoption or he wants a divorce. I haven't read all of it but it seems the child does have a lot of serious behavioral issues which the dh feels he can no longer deal with. but nowhere on the thread does it seem to suggest that the dh might be depressed/not coping/need help, all the advice is that there's obviously no choice and that she should ditch the bastard.

Ok. My previous comment was based on the fact I'd heard she admitted lying about hearing voices telling her to do it and that a psychiatrist had said she had no mental illness. Also sorry about that, offense to Wiccans was not intended.

If indeed she was mentally ill/ptsd then there was definitely a failure in the support systems (which having access to some of these I can quite easily believe, under resourced and overstretched anyone?) but what I had heard indicated that she was not suffering any form of mental illness at the time.

I know all about shock of finding out your children have disabilities. I know about the stress associated in trying to access help and support services for my children. Yet I still wouldn't dream of harming them in any way. My childrens' issues include continence issues, mobility issues and communication issues.

I think there is prob more support around for parents of preschoolers with sn than there is for children in mainstream school

once your child is in mainstream school there is no support, none at all

my HV once sent me to see the most dire counsellor when I was ttc with dd2, which brought up lots of issues around dd1's birth and a fear of what might lie ahead with a second child

she was so shockingly bad she ended up making me feel far worse, and I just stopped going

no-one asked why, no-one even called me

luckily I shook out of it by myself but others might not