Shaving nappy wearing DD.

[TryingMyBest12345]

Hi, I've gone anon for this because it's such a sensitive topic.

DD is almost 11.
She has a significant intellectual disability, other diagnosis too including ASD and global development delay. She is non verbal, in a wheelchair and has the comprehension of a toddler.

She can't really do anything for herself and probably never will.

We feed her, wash her, dress her, brush teeth and hair basically everything you need to do for a baby, we need to do for her.

She will always be in nappies.

She is now going through puberty and started her periods 8 months ago. They are very heavy (her consultant is seeing her in November regarding this but I'm pretty sure we can't do anything to help manage them until she's a bit older, and even then, hormone therapy is something I'd need to think about as I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it.
Not to mention it would consist of depo injections as she can only have medication in liquid form)

Anyway, I'm rambling.

We've spent the last few months shaving her pubic hair (electric razor so no danger) because it it much easier to clean (think pee, poo and period not to mention sudocrem all in one nappy, and a (quite hairy) 11 year old who doesn't particularly like nappy changes)

It's working well, is much easier to keep her clean and fresh but I'm wrecked with, I'm not sure how to explain it, guilt? Shame?
It feels like what I'm doing is inappropriate and I fear judgement from her SNA's at school (they obviously change her at her high needs special school)

I don't shave her anywhere else, why would I? It's not like she has any idea if her legs are hairy or not but I can't help just feeling like I'm doing something wrong every time I do it (usually just before her period is due)

I suppose I'm looking for someone to tell me that I'm doing the right thing by her.

Please be gentle, I'm so sensitive about this but I just want to make things as easy as I can for her.

Thank you.

Its not inappropriate. Its health care. She may need her arm pita shaving too so deodorant is more effective?

I’m not a SN parent so I have no qualification to reply really but I suppose the only thing I thought of is, would she be capable to expressing any discomfort to you?

sometimes I find regrowth in that area can be a bit itchy and if I get ingrowns it can hurt a bit? It might just be me though 😂

if she’d be able to indicate she is in pain or itchy from it then I can’t see how you aren’t doing the best by her.

ultimately you are her mum, and you know what works best so I’d say trust your instincts.

Right? What has that got to do with what's best for her daughter? The OP clearly doesn't feel 100% comfortable with shaving her daughter. She's allowed to explore why that is.

What the actual did I just read?

Of course it's not inappropriate! But comments like yours are what is terrifying the OP.

The world really has gone mad.

Absolutely no judgement from me, it’s a practical solution for comfort and hygiene.

My young adult DD has a similar level of disability. I have not shaved her mainly because I can't see that she would comply with it, but I have considered it. Instead I shower her whenever she has had a dirty nappy. These tend to occur mainly at home. Interesting that several SEN teachers and carers on this thread express preference for shaving. I do understand that it must be easier. My DD hates all personal care like teeth cleaning, nail cutting etc and so there's no chance she'd allow me to approach with a shaver!!

On the periods side of things, DD does tolerate a patch (on her back) and these can be worn for up to 3 months, which has really helped her severe PMS symptoms.

Op has already said it will need to be an injection.

Incorrect.

@TryingMyBest12345 if you happened to take the quoted post on board then I'd suggest ignoring it. It'll bias you and, as you'll no doubt know from your DD's longterm contact with the health service, it is better to seek facts from doctors. Depo doesn't "just cause much weight gain", it has benefits and it can have side effects like any drug. And there is not any strong definitive link between depo and weight gain. I was looking at the evidence base for this a few months ago through work.

Shaving is something of a contentious topic, even legs and arm pits. I think as long as it's in the interest of your dd then there's no issue. Dsd doesn't mind leg shaving and her dsis does it for her.

By the way on the nappy front, dsd was "potty trained" at 25, years not months, proving that you can't predict what happens.

If it's to help keep her clean then I can see why you're doing it. But would you be comfortable with a carer doing it? Would she? If it's something that becomes the norm it would need to possibly be done by others also.
I'm honestly not sure what guidelines are on this but I'm sure there must be support forums for people with disabled children who might share their experiences of it.

You are doing the right thing for your daughter, please don't feel bad.

WTF!! God OP this sort of nonsense 'safeguarding issue' what a proper load of shit. Carry on doing it, once she gets older I'd probably also shave her armpits and legs too. If you do it and it feels nice I imagine it would he nice for her too. Similar to painting toe nails, tidying up eyebrows etc. Just because she has needs doesn't mean she can't also feel nice even if she can't explain that to you. It's the same reason why I still shave my grandma's legs who has dementia, I also give her manicures and pedicures. She always had those things and I want her to feel nice even if she can't express it to me in the Same way anymore. She still smiles when I'm finished and says thank you and looks so happy even if she can't always remember who I am. You are doing NOTHING WRONG.

You need to make your own thread.

There is always one, well done!

What you are doing makes it easier to clean her. Absolutely you are doing the right thing.

Oh don't be ridiculous.
Walk a mile in the OPs shoes before you come out with rubbish like that.

I’d simply think that the OP is the expert when it comes to knowing what is best for her daughter. You obviously care a huge amount. Don’t add this to your list of concerns and considerations, I’ll bet you’re doing a great job.

Hello @TryingMyBest12345 - we're just moving your thread to SN children.

Wrong thread?

my advice is to start your own

You're doing the right thing, I'm sure if she had the right words she'd thank you.
You sound like a wonderful mum, don't be so hard on yourself.

What would a more appropriate option be ? Why is it a safeguarding issue ?

Thank you for sharing your experience, OP.

My DC who is much younger than yours, but has an ASD diagnosis hates any kind of personal care, be it nail cutting (now done when they are sleeping), teeth brushing (30 seconds max, so teeth not in the best condition) or nappy changing (screams as if being attacked).

After being at it for about 3 months my DC is almost toilet trained now, which has brought some relief. I was feeling apprehensive about puberty starting, though it's still a few years away for my DC, so it's helpful to see lots of suggestions on this post regarding various aspects of puberty.

I don’t have any professional knowledge. Do you? Seems like a pretty strong judgement from you “is this safeguarding” so I hope that you have sounds professional basis to be raising it.

It's pubic.
It's anonymous.