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1010 replies

lottiejenkins · 02/03/2008 23:23

I found this article today..........I thought it was very moving,,,, what a decision that lady made... dont think i could do it though!
www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/you/article.html?in_article_id=522925&in_page_id=1908

OP posts:
daisy5678 · 14/03/2008 21:22

Almost all my friends and family thought I shouldn't have kept J. This was before he was even born. They thought that I was too young, that I was throwing my career away (I was still at uni), that I didn't get the reality of having a child.

I think it's fair to say that I didn't get the reality of a child, but who does until they have one? I certainly didn't get the reality of having a SN child, but I think that the same applies.

At times, my life feels horrific. Sometimes I feel like everything is too much, but I do what most of us on here do: I whinge/ rant a bit, have a fag and/ or some wine (if J's in bed!) and get on with it. Because, at the end of the day, it's not J's fault he has SN, and life is harder for him than it is for me. I'm responsible for keeping him safe, for fighting for him, for trying to make him happy. Sometimes that fight feels like too much, but that's what you have to do for your children.

What I find so abhorrent about this story is not that the woman gave her baby away (I think that that in itself could be seen as a sign of love, to give a baby away if you know that you can't look after it and it will have a better life elsewhere).

It's WHY she gave her away. Not because she couldn't cope with another baby (because she had more), but because she didn't want THAT baby. It didn't fit in with her perfect world. Didn't match with the designer furniture.

But to profit from having made that decision? To tell the world that you basically see your child as a 'thing'? To admit that, without even trying or going through what most parents would willingly put up with for their children, on the basis that it's a parent's job to fight for and care for their child, she just discarded her like an unwanted toy? Makes me feel very very sad and confused.

Thank god for Tania.

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:22

mamazon are you around?

Mamazon · 14/03/2008 21:23

anyway - 2shoes.
you gonna meet me for coffee then?

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:25

my pc froze
not sure.
do you like my pic on msn

Taliesintraction · 14/03/2008 21:25

OK Mamzon lets draw the line,

Personally and of course since abuse is totally OK on this list, Most SW I have met are undertrained underqualified and complete crap at their jobs (I can evidence this if you like). There are also some really competant people (Evidence this too).

Mamazon, did we not as a society place on you a completly unreasonable expectation.

So you went on 5 hours a day of sleep, that makes you a hero, that society placed your child at such risk because of the stress you were under says a lot about society and it is not a good thing to say.

Of course you and all the other people on here are good parents but had you cracked, as JH nearly did, would that have been because they were bad people or because society has it's priorities all wrong.

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:27

mamazon you must like it...all those tats

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:29

where did she go?

daisy5678 · 14/03/2008 21:31

But what made her nearly crack? Lack of sleep? Well, not much more than any parent of a new baby.

Fighting for a dx? No, not at all.
Fighting for suitable schooling/ housing equipment? No.
Experiencing physical abuse daily from her child? No.

So I guess that's why it's hard to feel sympathy. She wasn't pushed to the brink by having a child with SN (ie it wasn't the needs that did it); it was the horror and disgust of having an SN child.

And for those of us that have to fight for everything, the idea of a disposable baby probably seems just a tad callous.

Taliesintraction · 14/03/2008 21:31

all power to you give me sleep now.

sleep would be good....

Mamazon · 14/03/2008 21:34

talies - i often felt i wasn't coping very well. I have never ever thought of harming one single hair on his head though. i think JH may very well have been suffering from PND at the point she describes these feelings. Imogen's problems exasperated this i fear.

I and everyon e else on here will agree with you about the state of support provision for families living with an SN child.
i am certina that a great number will also agree that there are some pretty oncompetent social workers out there. there are also bad Dr's/nurses/teachers/policemen/firemen/paramedics.....are you getting the idea?

but anyway - i am putting this issue to bed now.

2shoes i do indeed. I adore his Tats. i have had a new one designed today.
it will kill me to get done though as it goes right over my ankle bone.
think i will have to get it done at the end of the month...i can build up my courage between now and then lol

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:37

ouch that will hurt.i want to get one done on next big birthday

Mamazon · 14/03/2008 21:39

stop putting it off.

actually yes, put it off. because as soon as you get one the addiction will start, you too will end up going back for more and more and more and more and more and.... you get the idea lol

what would youhave done and where?

Taliesintraction · 14/03/2008 21:41

To be blunt. Givemenosleep

There's the rub

She had to be supermunm or you would all slag her out

Oh gosh

post deletion here I come.

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:41

at the moment I have one in mind will find a pic hang on

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:42

this

Candlewax · 14/03/2008 21:42

I must be a wimp 2shoes, have never felt brave enough to have a tat done.

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:43

this thread makes me think of the late great ian druary song

Candlewax · 14/03/2008 21:43

Cor! My ds has just seen that and thinks it is really cool!

Mamazon · 14/03/2008 21:44

ooh very punk, i like it!

would look excellent as a tramp stamp (across the base of the spine - above the bum)

Taliesintraction · 14/03/2008 21:44

hey mamazon

what a short list....

keep going

subtle hint tho

feed me their CSC number and I might be able to help ease them out

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:44

check my profile
i wouldn't go that far though

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:46

mamazon the lovely mr sahdows has it on his lovely tum

Candlewax · 14/03/2008 21:48

You would like my younger half brother 2shoes. He just loves tats and his top half of his body and his arms are covered in them. It fascinates me to be honest and they are quite beautiful too.

2shoes · 14/03/2008 21:50

i am hoping ds will have some.

wannaBe · 14/03/2008 21:50

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