Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

Mail on Sunday Magazine

1010 replies

lottiejenkins · 02/03/2008 23:23

I found this article today..........I thought it was very moving,,,, what a decision that lady made... dont think i could do it though!
www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/you/article.html?in_article_id=522925&in_page_id=1908

OP posts:
luminarphrases · 10/03/2008 20:55

oblomov, quite. i have seen quite enough about this woman both in the guardian and the mail article lottie originally linked to to know what i think about her 'brave' decision

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 10/03/2008 20:56

Jonkat you said "which of us has not (at some dark hour of the night) felt revolted by what we have produced ? Be honest now..........." They were your words, no? Asking us to admit to these feelings?

My severely disabled child produces many feelings in me, some of them negative, but he has never revolted me.

luminarphrases · 10/03/2008 20:57

shiny that is truly shocking

luminarphrases · 10/03/2008 20:58

Not you, btw

just saw how that sounded

jonkat · 10/03/2008 21:00

Oblomov

Clearly everyone has a right to an opinion, all I am siggesting is that opinions might be better informed if they were based on reading the book, rather than newspaper articles, that's all.

jonkat

luminarphrases · 10/03/2008 21:04

but jonkat, i've seen this woman's story in several different places now, and so has everyone, so they can form an opinion.

Oblomov · 10/03/2008 21:08

jonkat, we have an opinion, based on many media articles. The thread does show this. We really have tried our best and looked into JH to try and understand where she grew up, her schooling, all her articles, everythig. I mean, give us a break, we have tried.

jonkat · 10/03/2008 21:08

luminarphrases

No, all any one has seen, unless they've read they book, is little bits of Julia's story.

All the little bits which have been seen have been chosen by editors or columnists - see the difference between the Times and The Guardian.

All that has been seen, unless the book has been read, is someone else's spin.

jonkat

Taliesintraction · 10/03/2008 21:08

But obviously, based on this list and it's content, god help any parent of a SN child who cannot cope.

Certainly they should never admit it to anyone.

If JH cannot cope it is because she is an inadequate self centered human being.

Not an angel like us in fact.

Oh hang on wasn't it wrong to suggest that parents of SN kids are some sort of angels.

Which way do you want to have it?

You cannot have both.

Mamazon · 10/03/2008 21:09

My first post on this thread was formed after skim reading the first article.

I stated that we must all have had moments where we questioned our ability to cope and therefore had thoughts, fleeting or otherwise, of life without Sn.

I did not condemn JH for her decision to place Imogen into care.

I have not changed that position.
I have however judged her for her behaviour surrounding that decision.

to "dump" her belongings prior to even speaking with SS about what would happen to Imogen.

Its not her decision i feel anger at, its her attitude.

Oblomov · 10/03/2008 21:10

AND some posters have read the book. Not many admittedly. But they have not said anything different. They haven't come forward and said, well actually if you read the book, this disproves ......

jonkat · 10/03/2008 21:12

headgirl

It means only what it says, open wallet surgery is the way to change HMG. To extrapolate that into 'all DC should be in care' is nonsense.

Just hurt their pocket by what ever means is available to you, it's the only language this government understand.

jonkat

2shoes · 10/03/2008 21:13

shit can there really be people out there who actually thinks
"As for the breast pump thing, which of us has not (at some dark hour of the night) felt revolted by what we have produced ? Be honest now...........OK I know I foster ours and did not give birth to them so it is very different for me"
the only revolting thing is you.
i am saddened and shocked by that comment. if you came on here to try and convince people to think your way . i think you cocked up badly by using that expresion.
I despair to think of you as a foster parent.

wannaBe · 10/03/2008 21:13

""which of us has not (at some dark hour of the night) felt revolted by what we have produced ? Be honest now...........". I can't imagine any of the posters on here have no. I can, however, imagine that many of them now feel revolted by people that think that way - I know I certainly do.

As for reading Julia's book, there are extracts from it all over the internet, she appeared on radio 4, and presumably it was her so what she said wasn't taken out of context, I think it is possible to get an accurate picture of the sort of person that Julia is without having to pay for the privilage.

Oblomov · 10/03/2008 21:14

But thats not our FAULT. No one KNEW there was a book, until one of the articles reviewing it ( was it the mail, or the Guardian first, I can't remmeber?).And discussion is bound to start from there.
This is not unique to JH. It is the same for many people/articles/books/situations.
Every story/discussion starts somewhere.

luminarphrases · 10/03/2008 21:14

no-one i've seen has condemned parents who can't cope, at all.

however, people do have a problem with the idea that sn children are essentially wastes of space who will ONLY ruin your life and never bring you any joy. and the idea that JH had no idea what was going to happen to her child.

plus, the idea that caring for a SN child for 5 months makes you any braver than the people on this board who have done it, and will be doing it, for the rest of their lives

Oblomov · 10/03/2008 21:15

And we are not criticising her for not coping.
Many many people come to mumsnet who can not cope, with all sorts of things.
And we do not criticise.
We are NOT criticsing her for not being able to cope.
Can you not see that.
It is other things that we are finding very hard to accept.

jonkat · 10/03/2008 21:17

Oblomov

I too haven't read the whole book, I have discussed it'sw content with Julia though.

I have come forward and said, well actually if you if you know the people, the situation, then . . . . .

And I am being vilified for doing so !

No wonder I am a lone voice.

jonkat

jonkat · 10/03/2008 21:19

Taliesintraction is right, according to this list it's better to leave a child, or children, at risk than it is to act to protect everyone involved.

Hypocrasy or what !!!!!

jonkat

Mamazon · 10/03/2008 21:20

you are not vilified for knowing and defending Julia.

you are being vilified for the disgusting terms youhave used.

luminarphrases · 10/03/2008 21:21

jonkat- read mine and oblomov's last comments- both of us have said its NOTHING to do with her not coping

Taliesintraction · 10/03/2008 21:21

2 shoes.

If you say that you as a parent have never been taken to the end of your patience by your children then you really are an angel, or prone to telling porkies.

theheadgirl · 10/03/2008 21:23

Tailes - not that many of us are saying JH is an inadequate self centred human being.
I've said it before - she sounds as though she was traumatised and frightened to me.

But what about the frequently laboured point (by me) that she's written a book, suggesting she was at breaking point caring for a disabled child? She really wasn't was she? And from her position of getting an audience in various media, there's the danger that her way (cos its chosen by an educated, middle class, articulate woman) is seen as a good way.
I have a right to say I think her choices were wrong, indeed I think its necessary to voice my opinion, as she can get a much wider audience for hers than I ever can.

Oblomov · 10/03/2008 21:23

O.K then Jonkat, you do know. So enlighten us.
We find the articles that present Julia as brave. I don't think that brave is the right word.
We find it upsetting that she had a second child, that didn't fit her perfect picture. She ... got rid, but proceeded to have another child. Thank goodness she wasn't disabled - there was always that chance.
we find her , emotionally cold.

Are all these things , totally different form the real JH?
Should we blame her publicist for presenting her in a very unflattering light.
Was it India Knight who commented about her?
Have we all got totally the wrong impression ?

wannaBe · 10/03/2008 21:24

talies, everyone comes to the end of their patience with their children, be they sn or nt. but there's a difference between saying that and saying that you are revolted by them.

and no-one would judge anyone who couldn't cope. but julia didn't know she couldn't cope - she didn't even try.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.