Does this sound like Autism

[Ron08]

Hi all.
I was wondering if this sounds at like Autism. My boy has just turned 3 and a half.
Health visitors have done 3 SOGS and Mchat in him over last 2 years and he always passed it. I just think he has some traits.

Obsessed with washing machine will talk to anyone about them love to play with his pretend one and will ask anyone he sees if they have one even if he already knows the answer and he will talk about it multiple times even if he’s already told them. He absolutely loves his little tykes one and will put a load on and pace back and forth until it beeps. He will play with it about 40% of time the rest of the time he does play with a lot of other toys functionally. The only thing I’ve noticed is in pretend play he doesn’t make the character talk to eachother he kind of narrates.

He went through a phase of side glancing when spinning and without spinning too but that seems to have stopped.

His speech is really good used pronouns, tenses correctly and has good vocabulary. He will sometimes ask questions he already knows the answers to ( not sure if that’s reassurance). Will talk to literally anyone for ages! Will use phrases he’s heard but in play so not sure if that’s imitation or scripting apart from the last week we’ve been having lots of repeating, at the minute he says poo and wee over and over and laughs his head off and finds it really hard to stop but we aren’t sure if this is just him trying to wind us up 😂 as the more we say quiet time now or noises all finished now he does it more. Makes noises a lot like vocal stimming sounds like a hoover. He does pretend to be a car sometimes so that is sometimes the noise. He doesn’t ask why questions yet. Only gestures he Doesn’t used nodding or shaking head. He can’t copy facial expressions but does use them all for correct situations.

If I wear my hair up he tells me to put it down. He will look at people’s hair especially girls in fascination.

He is very active, loves outdoor play. High energy levels at times but does have quiet times.

For the last two weeks his listening has declined and he will run off and not do as he’s told which is unusual for him- however it is the Easter break so could be that!

Nursery teachers aren’t concerned but have said how much he loves washing machines and they said Sometimes he can appear slightly vacant if you ask him to do something and the command needs repeating but not sure if that’s because he is still settling in to full class of pupils they said he plays along with others and enjoys snack time though. She said he plays alongside peers which is typical for his age. He fits in with routine of the nursery setting and enjoys snack.

Sleeps 12 hours a night
No food sensitivity
Can break routine and accepts changes
No rituals as such
Met milestones
Uses eye contact appropriately and has good joint attention.
Interested in other people and will ask things like Mummy what are you going to have for lunch? Nanny you look nice today.

Thanks for reading.

I would say there are some traits but may need more time. My son's paediatrician said that he wasn't showing enough signs at preschool but once at school they became more apparent and he got his diagnosis last may at 5.5 (October baby).
I would just keep making notes of things you notice dated as it will com in handy if they ask you to recollect x

Thanks for posting. I have started making a journal to keep in case it’s ever needed in the future. I’m finding the unknown really difficult to deal with I feel so sad and anxious all the time as well as being confused.
How is your Son? Does he need extra support in school? X

Sometimes we just need someone to acknowledge/ notice us to make us feel not so alone.
he does get support in school but they have struggled to get someone consistent and he has been passed around a bit which hasn't helped him much. For his first year he was only getting top up funding of 20 hours then when he started year 1 he had nothing but the funding the school gets for sen children, but they were funding him for 25 hours. Hopefully now he has his EHCP they can hire a personal 1-2-1 for him. He has an attention span of about 5-10 minutes per task and doesn't like school/ learning.
Have you looked into support groups and charities in your area. They can be a wealth of information and support x

Hi @Ron08
Your son sounds a bit like mine in that he shows some traits but nothing that majorly stands out right now - he was 2 and a half in March. I've been battling with this since his HV 2 year check when she referred him to be assessed for Autism on the basis that he played on his own terms (by that I mean he wouldn't give her a screwdriver as he didn't know what a screwdriver was, he just knew it was something for turning his toy lol! ) I've been watching him like a hawk since and just cannot make up my mind! It's such a worry and I genuinely have lost sleep over it, and still do. I've sent off the first forms for the assessment process so I guess when it's his turn on the list we will find out, feel sick at the thought.
No matter what though they are still our beautiful boys 💙

@MumofLexandCoco I’m glad he has support, it’s so hard when there aren’t enough members of staff or inconsistencies.

Im a teacher myself and see it happen a lot. Glad his EHCP is in place. I haven’t looked into any support in my area but recently joined a Uk Facebook group for parent whose children have asd. X

@Worriedmum166 aww you sounds like how I have been feeling. Some days I’m convinced he isn’t on the spectrum then the next day I feel he is. Honestly so confusing. My HV has been out 5 times since he was 12 month old as I’ve always had a feeling and she literally brushes it off and says he’s meets his milestones and age and stage assessments.
Thats crazy you’ve been referred for that, does your Son have any other traits?
I feel so worried and I cry all the time. It’s really lonely too xx

@Ron08 it's honestly a feeling like no other isn't it? I've worried about my son on and off probably from 12months, but in all honesty I had come to the conclusion he wasn't autistic until he had such a bad 2 year review. Hv was late and he was tired and just didn't want to comply with her. He showed no other traits at his review that day but I've worked with autistic children before and a few things have caught my eye with him. I've got an older daughter and he's so different from the way she was at the age but she was very advanced so I don't know if it's normal toddler behaviour or I really do need to be stressing.

He answers to his name everytime, always has done.
Great eye contact
Can understand and follow instructions
Points (although I genuinely can't remember when this started)
Brings books for me to read and interact with him
Shows me toys and will try and join in with games such as snakes and ladders with his big sister.
Can turn take when he wants
Met all other milestones 'on time'
Imitates well
Not bothered by change in routine
Good sleeper
Will wave and say hello to people when we are out walking or he's in the trolley in the shops
Plays with toys appropriately
Doesn't line things up or has any obsessions that I can pinpoint - he used to enjoy spinning things but not to the point it was all he was interested in.
He jumps alot when anticipating something or is excited, will sometimes flap his hands
Loves to sing and dance
Happily play alongside children but haven't really seen him interact yet.
Love love loves his big sister and they play and carry on like any siblings do
His speech is good but maybe slightly behind, he can speak in 3, 4 and 5 word sentences but sometimes I feel he uses phrases he has learnt from me or his dad but then again can definitely make his own - doesn't repeat from TV shows
He still often repeats the end of the sentences we says, same intonation usually, it has decreased but not enough for my liking.
Refers to himself usually by name instead of I or me, then again I do this, 'mummy will do it, mummy will get it' etc when talking to him
Pronouns are still a work in progress
He def has a temper and can throw a tantrum, usually over not getting what he wants but doesn't last long.
He is a picky eater too - sticks to the same foods but has no issue with new food on a plate, just won't bother with it.

All I all it's the echolalic speech, the temper and sometimes flapping that concerns me - the eating doesn't bother me much as my daughter was a very picky eater too and she's doing well now.

There's just something different about him I think but I don't know if I'm looking for issues that aren't there.
My husband and family think I'm crazy, to the point my husband asked if I needed to visit the doctor as I was driving myself mad over it.
Does anyone else share your concerns about your son?
Sorry for the ramble

@Worriedmum166 so sorry I completely missed this!!!
I feel so consumed by it all to be honest. I have worked with Asd kids too and I think it makes you more aware doesn’t it?!
Your Son sounds so so similar to my boy. He sounds like her has so many positives which I feel my Son has too.
I went through 18 months of everyone thinking I’m crazy but my partner and mum are seeing the subtle differences now.
I feel really torn by having him assessed as nothing is really ‘affecting him’ as such but I worry about him becoming worse and him needed support and it could have been provided earlier. My HV wont refer him as she doesn’t see any traits so I’ve considered private. My son has a HV check next week age 3.5 so I’m wondering if she may take me more seriously now he is older. Im having therapy too as I spiral all the time worrying about what his life will be like if he is on the spectrum. How is your sons non verbal, does he point with with contact, does he look at you to share interests? Shake head yes or no?
Hope you are ok, it’s a lonely place xx

Ahh @Ron08 I'm so sorry you are as consumed as I am! Wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. It's like a constant dread in the bottom of your stomach! Like yourself I'm so torn, I don't want to put him through anything unnecessarily but at the same time I don't want him missing out on help if he does end up being diagnosed. Like your little one nothing is really disrupting his day to day life at the minute.
His non verbal communication is ok I think, he's not long began to shake his head for no and nod for yes. He will say, look mammy a cat, then I ask where and he will point to it. If I ask where something is in a book he will point to it and look back at me to see if he's right or wrong! If I'm on facetime with my mum he tends to bring things to the phone and say 'look granny a truck' etc.
Does your little one have any sensory issues?
You're not on your own, I'm sorry your HV hasn't listened to your concerns properly, maybe with the journal you've been keeping she might pay more attention next week. Xx

Yes that exact feeling. I feel guilty too as I should just be happy but the worry feel like it kills me.
He sounds like he is doing amazing. Have you ever done the MChat ?
My little one doesn’t have any sensory issues fine with foods, textures etc. He is very bouncy child and always on the go🙈
I’m definitely going to show HV all my notes. It’s so nice to speak to someone who is this awful limbo too. Do you speak to friends at all? I’m part of a big friendship group and we all have kids roughly same age and I’ve found it’s helped me. They don’t see the concerns as such but to talk opening and for them to be there for a cuppa and chat is amazing. Xx

@Worriedmum166 sorry for all the typos it’s been a long day 🤪

Hi @Ron08 and @Worriedmum166 - I’m new to Mumsnet and actually have joined hoping to pick up some advice about what to do next in my 7 year old’s journey towards a diagnosis/not getting a diagnosis! So know that ‘is it or isn’t it’ feeling very well and know it can be a worry but just wanted to say if you can then please please try to give yourselves a break on that front - it’s so tricky parenting any child, especially a neurodiverse one, that constantly worrying about what’s behind it all is emotionally exhausting, especially when it’s subtle things that leave you second guessing.
At the end of the day though, your children are who they are, and wouldn’t be themselves any other way. You do know that they have certain behaviours or sensitivities that might make life more challenging for them and you, or even that sometimes just feel a bit unusual and like you’d like to know why. Write things down, take a video or picture, know you’re ready to provide evidence to support them if needed, bring it up talking to H.V etc and try for now to let the negative what ifs go. Your children clearly both have supportive parents and are coping with their worlds, they are winning thus far, please remember that. You sound to be supportive and accepting of your children for who they are, and that is a great start for anyone. You’ll see if/when they need more support or different tactics - you’re already on the case, regardless of what diagnosis may or may not come down the line, and if needed, that diagnosis should only be a positive addition that brings more support and understanding from those not as in tune as yourselves.

Hi @Alltheotherusernamesweretaken thank you so much for your message. Everything you said is so true. At the end of the day we all just want what's best for our children no matter if they are ND or NT. It's the being in limbo stage I suppose we all struggle with isn't it? I've worked with so many ASD children in my career and I can't believe that I'm finding it so hard to figure out if my own child is, or the fact that I'm finding the emotional and mental strain of it so difficult, I never thought that would be me (not that my child couldn't have autism but that I would be so distressed about it all) i remember sitting googling one night on my own, husband was out and nearly having what i can only assume was an anxiety or a panic attack! Got myself in an awful state! I do feel guilty though for analysing and watching him like a hawk because no matter what the outcome though he wouldn't be the little boy I love and adore if he was any other way. How are you coping with it all?

@Ron08 the mum guilt is real as I should be enjoying him and not assessing him all the time in my head. I did do the mchat and he scored low each time then I started to wonder did he ever actually point to things that interested him or did he just point to things we asked him too, I went through photos, videos etc in my phone every night watching for signs and symptoms etc! I don't really have many people to talk too, I have one great friend who dismisses me as I know she would be scared to upset me, she tells me she sees nothing but a typical toddler. I haven't really conveyed my concerns to my other friends as I don't want everyone looking at him and maybe trying to spot things too. If I need to tell them eventually I will but at the moment there's nothing obvious when you see him either.
Motherhood is HARD 😂

I think you definitely notice more and the more subtle signs when you’ve been around a lot of ASD and similar children, I have a bit of background with this and it definitely had me keeping an eye out from an early age. But it doesn’t change the fact that (like me) you aren’t able to find reassurance that it isnt - so it sounds like there’s a reasonable chance that there is some ND in there. But please try to see that that’s okay, that everyone’s experience and journey is different - he may sail through life just being slightly quirky in ways only his nearest and dearest notice! - and that knowing that, even if it isn’t enough for a diagnosis or others to see what you see even (yet), from this young age means you’re on it, you’ve got his back, and you’re ready for if and whenever he needs more support. You sound like a super mum!
For me, DS is in mainstream school, currently has lots of good days and some tricky ones.. but we’ve reached a point where I’d actually like a diagnosis, for a professional to tell me what they see, and what might help with tricky transitions and anger levels etc, and perhaps some OT guidance on strategies to ease some of the anger and stress that builds up when my DS gets out of sync, and how to keep things more level. We’ve filled in a referral form and so have school, but there’s a 2-3 year wait here, so I need to get myself in gear and try to find something affordable but private to get advice in the meantime. DS is also a subtle signs type - chatty/playful/fidgety/Lego mad/socially awkward/makes eye contact/can’t get to sleep/fixed in his games/creative/sensory seeking OR avoiding and not for everything… trust me I’ve done my time analysing! I’m ready to hand over and let a professional just tell me 😂

Your last line did make me laugh @Alltheotherusernamesweretaken 😂 such long waiting times, very frustrating! Can I just say I think you have an amazing outlook on all of this, your son is extremely lucky. Not only are you giving him all the support he needs but you are able to encourage and support random ladies online lol! I appreciate all your words very much. Nice to talk to others that are travelling the same path 💕

@Alltheotherusernamesweretaken
Thanks your message. Sounds like you’ve been in like and @Worriedmum166 position for a while too. Really hope referral doesn’t take too long for you.
It really is exhausting worrying all the time.
My son had a HV check today and it was different HV and she was amazing. I told her all the concerns and she stayed for 1.5 hours and played and talked to him. She said he has some traits but really subtle so it doesn’t warrant a referral especially as none of the traits affect his life and learning. She thinks he couldn’t be borderline or very mild but to watch and wait to see if a referral needs to be made. I feel like I’ve been listened to for the first time by a professional but also sad that it’s looking like he’s ND. I know It ok and it’s going to be ok my mind has just spiralled.
Hope you are both ok? X

Aww thank you both 🤗
Sorry I went awol - I’m not very good at regular social media (anyone else notice that the more ND traits you see in your child the more you become aware of in yourself? Or your partner..) - I’m glad you had a good HV meeting @Ron08 , bittersweet I’m sure, but to have someone listen and not gloss over what you’re seeing must feel so refreshing. And it’s okay if there comes a point where you feel his “mild” traits still warrant a referral, hopefully you’ll find he continues to be unaffected in his daily life, or it’s of course possible as he grows up that changes in life’s demands/his environment will exacerbate some things and mean mild is still a bit tricky. But that’s where you being so in tune and following your mummy instincts will really come through for him. And you don’t need a referral or any sort of diagnosis to tell his preschool “he finds this tricky” or “he really benefits from…” and the same when going up to school/every teacher or TA who will listen! Good caregivers and teachers should want to know your child and get the best from him, and be a team with you and your DS at the centre.
Sorry! I’ll stop the late night waffle now, half of this is plagiarised from my lovely friend’s constant supportive wisdom anyway!! 🫢
I really just meant to ask, how are you this week?

Hi @Ron08 and @Alltheotherusernamesweretaken how are you both?
Thought I would just check in. How's your little ones doing?
@Ron08 glad to hear your HV listened to you, I'm expecting mine back out for a visit soon. It will be interesting to see what she says.
As far as my little boy goes I'm leaning more and more towards him definitely being ND. I've been trying to excuse wee quirks for other things but I think maybe it's time to try and face up to what may be coming in the future. I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda heartbroken and finding it very hard to accept which I'm so cross with myself about because there's nothing 'wrong' with him, he's happy and healthy, his brain is just wired differently than others. He's a joy to be around and so much fun, want to kick myself for being upset! 😣

Hi, I hope you don't mind me joining your chat. I have a 4 year old DD and we've just started this whole process for her. She was seen by the HV at home and scored highly on her MCHAT but then being observed at preschool she masked very well and the HV said it was like seeing a different child. Her preschool are submitting a report in the hope that helps to sway her referral to be accepted as they have brought things up too. We are waiting to hear now if her referral to the child development centre has been accepted or rejected. It feels like such an awful wait as I'm not sure where we will go if it doesn't get accepted.

Hi @Tiredmum1223 welcome! It's a hard frustrating time for us all isn't it? We want the best for our children but the waiting times and the support sometimes just isn't there. I sent my sons forms back to the assessment team in January and I've heard nothing since! So haven't a clue what's happening. How are you coping with it all?

@Worriedmum166 Hello, this thread has been brilliant to see everyone's experiences of it all. It such a hard and frustrating time and also a bit of a minefield of where to go and how to help amd get support. The waiting is such a killer, im inpatient anyway so this is hard 🙈🤣. Has your son been seen by the cdc or anything? How far along in the process are you?
I have to say, I'm struggling a bit with it all at the moment and knowing how to help my DD but we're muddling through trying to do the best we can.

Hi there,

appreciate this thread is a few months old but was wondering if there were any updates? My DS will be three soon and I could pretty much copy and paste what has been written in these posts. I watch the poor boy like an absolute hawk looking for signs but don't know if there are there or if I am imagining them. He is also at the point where he will use a potty at home but refuses to do so at nursery.

I don't know what to do really. Nursery flagged that he was a bit behind with speech and playing with others before the summer but say he has been a different child since September and they have no concerns. If you have any updates, I would be so grateful.

Just giving this a bump in case anyone has any advice x

Hi @Theonlygirlinthishouse sorry your are feeling this way! It's awful isn't it? That's great He's doing so well at nursery now. My wee man is 3 now and whilst I still have my concerns and I still watch him he has made great progress in everything.
He had an initial appointment with paediatric doctor to check development and he's right on track, no learning delays, he told us to think carefully if we want to keep him on the autism pathway. He's going to see him again in a year and we will take it from there. He said he could see what we were talking about but at the moment it's not effecting his everyday life in anyway and in his words, that may just be him. Despite this I'm still watching him like a hawk. I still see signs. His speech would be my main worry now, he can talk the best but it just doesn't seem to come as naturally too him as others. He's potty trained since the week of his 3rd birthday, your wee man will get there. How long have you been worried? When did your suspicions start?

Hi @Theonlygirlinthishouse & @Worriedmum166 Happy New Year ❤️
A little update on my Son.
My babe is just over 4 now. We are pretty 100% sure he has Autism we haven’t been referred as he seems to cope in nursery at the moment. His teacher has flagged him up with ALNco as one to watch as she has spotted some mild traits. We are just waiting and seeing if he continues to cope without diagnosis for support or if things become too much for him we will peruse an assessment. As it stands his teacher doesn’t think he needs any extra support he just sometimes needs talking around to complete tasks and needs some guidance here and there.

He has come on so much though with his play. The washing machine obsessed has died down massively and he now loves to play hot wheels, Lego and messy play. Slight obsession with the Big bad wolf and saying poo and buying air fresheners for the car 😂🙈
He can be really stubborn and I find reasoning with him hard sometimes. I’ve noticed he gets upset going to social occasions but once he is there he loves it.
He is still very much a runner but if I do say stop he listens.
He copies other children lots especially if it’s something silly or funny 🙈
He has separation anxiety from me, he cries going into nursery and he will wake for me to get in his bed in the night.
His speech is still really good but have noticed it can be quite robotic.
Has a hoover fear still unless it’s mine then he loves it.
nodding and shaking head for yes and no established in the summer which I was so proud of.

I know exactly the feeling of watching like a hawk I sometimes find myself doing it now and then I spiral mentally. Most days I’m fine now which is massive progress for me but the odd day here and there I’m anxious and really tearful. I find it hard when we see our friends as we have so many children the same age between us I always worry what people must think of him which is absolutely ridiculous when I write it down but it does get to me in the moment. I do wish I didn’t spend the last 3 years worrying myself to the point of me being ill as he is such a darling and is achieving all the time. Just wish I knew back then how it would pan out. I do think he will end up with a diagnosis which I think will be very emotional for me but I remind myself it doesn’t change anything, he’s still my beautiful clever boy.

Sorry for the waffle!!

Have you got any other children? Did you ever express concern to HV? Hope you are ok
xx