Primary School Auties 11: 2023 is here

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thread 11.

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022
Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

Uno I was thinking about your job/ new post you were looking at. Hope it works out! What is it that’s not great about the current one?

DS worries me with his hands it’s hard to explain. You know if you give a child something they will use good fine motor to manipulate it etc. so I’ve some mats for drinks for eg, they all have a hole in the middle and they go on a stick you know a bit like those rings babies have that they stack on a stick. Well obviously most people would manipulate the mat so the stick goes through the hole (it’s small). But DS will just really clumsily slam the mat on the stick so there is no chance it goes on. He could never thread etc. just really heavy handed imprecise motions. Totally contrary to what’s needed for writing etc.

ooo thank you Uno I hadn’t heard of that let me look…

Sorry open not Uno re the writing tool. Wrong name. Must be sat night wine time soon….!

dimples glad you got the mirror sorted!!!

carrie I was going to post a link but it was one of those silly long ones so I didn’t. You can get them on Amazon. They were recommended by our first OT. It might be a novelty for a while.

dimples glad you managed to get the mirror fixed for free.

Interesting that all our dc struggle with writing. With technology it feels like it’s becoming less necessary but I still feel like it is an important skill.

We have pretty much given up on hand writing. DS can write his name but that's about it. But at school he uses Clicker and can write stories. This one is pretty old but made me chuckle - I'm not often found sun bathing!

Yes DS uses Clicker too and I was really surprised by his sentence construction.
It's a bit outing if I say too much but basically I work with young people (no sen) lots of disrespect and just entitled behaviour, and I felt quite shaken last week after a confrontation. No support from management really so I'm looking at a change (that still fits with school hours etc).
Glad the wedding went well @carriebradshawwithlessshoes
Your DS made me chuckle with the creative language use @danni0509

Uno that sounds tough. It's hard finding roles that fit in with children's schedules. I would love to change my job but I wouldn't be able to secure one with the same working hours and pay

Yes pay is the main issue I'm coming up against! Gah.

Sorry to hear that Uno. Poss different but I have close family members who work in schools (teachers) secondary, and I’m often amazed by what they tell me they have to deal with daily. I don’t think people appreciate. Good luck and keep us posted.

Dimples I know you were in practice then went into academics. Could you not go back into private practice but a smaller firm? Obv it’s not tto but the right firm can really work on flexi hours. When DS had his first fit and was really poorly I said to mine I couldn’t think about returning. Said i would get a job in the local shop for a few hours. They said look, if you are doing 3 hours in sainsburys do 3 for us. Many firms are now offering full time wfh. I can’t say how pay compares to lecturing because I honestly don’t know but am sure someone would snap you up at the right firm. Recruitment is really hard atm.

Uno could your skills transfer? At my first firm we had an in house librarian (a big national) and she was just amazing. An absolute font of knowledge! Then again I understand if legal reading doesn’t float your boat! 🤣🤣

Carrie it's been fifteen years since - I left legal practice! I can't really imagine anyone wanting to employ me as a solicitor now. Perhaps if I had gone into a different specialism things would be different. My students are 100x more rewarding to be around than my property developer clients! I am due to submit my doctoral thesis in February which is increasing my stress levels a lot. Hopefully things might be easier after that ....Unfortunately the academic job market is super competitive so they wouldn't be very open to flexible working at the outset.
It's great that your employers were so supportive.

Interestingly @carriebradshawwithlessshoes my dad was a solicitor (mostly family law and conveyancing) and i helped out in the family firm a lot growing up. Legal info management is definitely an interesting area for me.
I have today applied for some posts: one in my profession part time where I used to.work (uni) which looks great but v low pay due to pt hours so would have to combine it with something and one totally whacky thing in the tourism industry!! Cross everything!!
As an aside, we've been watching Rain Dogs on the bbc, amazing and the guy playing Shelby is a pleasure to watch in many ways. DH gone to bed so I'm treating myself to the next episode with a lovely shiraz and some hoola hoops!

dimples what a lovely story.

Uno good luck with the job hunting.

Uno you’re so hardcore - wine, snacks and TV at almost midnight. I live vicariously through you all!

Have to say Uno as much as I’d share a bottle of Shiraz with you any day my cut off is 9pm or I’m up all night!

I am jealous Uno as I am dieting. I really miss crisps. Not been very good this weekend but I have dropped a dress size since I started so heading in the right direction. I feel fitter. I have been doing daily online Zumba workouts with DS as my trainer. He points out if my legs are not as high or squatting as low as the trainer. He also checks in with me whether I have done it yet each day.

When DS was going up to bed this evening he told me that 'it's been a good day' so that was a lovely note to end on

I only get down from bedtime most nights about 10pm 🤣

Me too but I then go to bed!!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣.
wine is drunk whilst the DC are up. DD offers to pour 🤣

Oh no @carriebradshawwithlessshoes DS would tell me off 🤣🤣

In contrast Uno DD still doesn’t understand the glass does not have to be poured right up to the very brim making it impossible to lift up…. 🤣🤣

Hi everyone, I've been a bit awol here but the talk of crisps and wine got me back.

No school holidays for us, it's been up and down here. THe sleep has shifted back to awful evenings, so just totally wired until midnight, huge meltdowns when you put her in bed, etc. The nights not AS bad as before, she can go e.g. 12-5 sometimes, or if its more like 10/11 she tends to have a long waking meltdown. It's all super unpredictable really. Don't know if it's better or worse but I feel like maybe a change is good, maybe the next change will be more sleep? She (and DD2) stayed with DMil for a night at weekend, which was a nice break but she was up most the night and when got home had huge meltdowns. So I felt a bit guilty about that (even though I think she did have a lovely time when there)

In other news we got the diagnosis through: autism level 2 / 3. The psychiatrist said she leaned toward 3 but ended up 2/3 because the people at her school wanted to emphasise progress etc. For me, 2/3 feels about as expected (btw in the 'older' levels 3 equates to severe, 1 to mild).

HOpe everyone is doing OK.

Nice to hear from you Ahna. And great you got a night on your own, that was nice of MIL to give you a break.

Does the diagnosis mean anything is different for DD at school? Or is everything already in place for her? I’m always (and I know we have talked about this before on here so no answers I know!) confused about the severe/moderate/mild terms. Are there specific things with DD that led them to that conclusion? I always think that DS would have to get ‘severe’ because of his lack of communication alone. Yet to my (very simple) mind a child who speaks fluently but is violent, destructive, etc would be more severe. But what do I know. I’m not sure if having that further description moderate/ severe etc really helps. I’ve always thought that getting the right support irrespective of terminology is the most important thing.

sorry sleep is still up and down.

@carriebradshawwithlessshoes I think just in a very broad sense level 3 means needs lots of support, level 2 substantial but a bit less, etc.. And the psychiatrist felt that the level of support DD needs and likely will continue to need is so significant that the higher level made more sense.

At the moment the diagnosis doesn't change anything no. It may be helpful if we need to approach the municipality for particular things to be funded (which is how it works here, ad hoc and we will from time to time I'm sure). IT was also quite good to hear that the psychiatrist was impressed by what she saw at the school and thinks it works well for DD.

When the kids are slightly older (or maybe not older just a bit further along) they can spend some time in a class at the connected SEN school (so a proper school not just pre school, which DD's age 3-6 place is) to have a bit more of an actual learning experience. Before that, they do some one on one tasks with someone who then designs the personalized box of tasks that they each have every morning. So I think e.g. 3 things DD finds fun and not too challenging, one which is a bit more tricky. Aiming to work a bit more on skills etc. I'm not describing it at all! But I'm glad she's starting this because as lovely as everyone is there and it's well structured etc, it just feels worlds away from any sort of learning. I think it's only in recent weeks that she has any patience for these 'tasks'.

Not sure if I said earlier but a recent thing is hands in mouth / down throat - she seems to find it funny but she retches when doing it and one time actually vomited. Any tips?! A substitute to chew so far hasn't worked.

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Ahna my son used to do that. He used to make himself retch a lot and occasionally vomit. The advice I received was to redirect. It seems that it was just a phase - he was doing it multiple times a day but now just does it a couple of times a year. I think that it is sensory seeking behaviour and I think that it is not uncommon (for neuro-typical kids too).

It's not been a great day here. Had EHCP review. Main focus was meant to be moving to special school. Case officer had said that she would be there but she didn't turn up and neither her or her colleagues answered school's phone calls. On a positive note school are v much on board now with the need to move. He is basically mostly following year 1 curriculum (he's in yr4 and chronological age is yr5), spending over half the time out of the classroom and is behaviour is deteriorating.

Then we got home DS blocked the toilet. I haven't managed to unblock it yet and just want to go to bed.

@dimples76 disappointing from case officer. When is the next meeting / next steps? Does move need to take place at beginning of a school year or not necessarily?