Primary School Auties 11: 2023 is here

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thread 11.

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022
Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

Meant to say fab news too re the knife Open!

thank you, yes they do help. Obviously weathers not good at the mo but if he’s like that I may actually let him bounce on the trampoline for a good 45 mins he’s much better afterwards. I’m not sure what school do, if it’s maybe just a bit of jumping for example that may not be enough. Our weekends as per previous comments are very active, maybe they regulates him more at home who knows.

enjoy your trip to the shops, let us know if you buy anything nice I’m very nosy when it comes to peoples shopping 🤣.

Yes great news @openupmyeagereyes
Cutlery use is an ongoing thing here!

Uno we crossed, thank you for this. He will but usually needs to be semi tired first, so we are more successful with the iPad etc if he’s a bit tired in the eve or he’s had some time on the trampoline and so on. What you say about leaning is interesting DS does that too. Unlike your DS he’s tiny and I’m taller than you from what you have said so often DS will still want me to pick him up and hug him and that’s very doable.

I said upthread there’s a lot I don’t understand and the adhd thing falls into that. I wonder how your DS would not be said to be adhd… when I got DSs diagnosis the checklist was very obvious, things like does he find it hard to stay still, does he jump and climb etc, I remember thinking that most kids would be on there! 🤣. I don’t understand the distinction between a child who cannot stay still because of adhd and a child who cannot stay still because of… (sensory seeking??? Is this the only other reason?). Even then, let’s say a child was massively sensory seeking and hyperactive, would they not still be helped by adhd meds? I can never understand tbh.

I suppose with any thing (movement, sleep etc), it’s to what extent it’s an issue. I just get forever frustrated that for DS it’s a barrier to so much and that makes me think I’ve got to find a way forward. His teacher said this morning that they are seeing his potential in small windows but because of his presentation (the hyperactivity) he is probably the hardest child she’s seen to accurately assess (made me think about our LD discussions.)

and yes happy weekend to all!! X

Does he use cutlery Uno? dS is a nightmare. Sloppy stuff he would use a spoon like pasta, shepherds pie. Hard things like sausage and chips he will not stab with a fork, he would just want to pick up or under duress use his spoon to scoop up the sausage etc 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Yes, good work with the knife Open. My DS still eats the majority of things with his hands. I think that it's mostly due to sensory seeking but also his fine motor skills are very poor. I believe that he uses a fork at school. As he is tiny and gets bored of eating pretty quickly I have pretty much given up trying to get him to use cutlery at home as my main priority is getting him to eat. I did try again to teach him how to butter his toast last weekend but the spreadable butter tub and the piece of toast both looked like they had been through significant trauma.

Does DS write Dimples?

Ds has always used a spoon and fork ok but has until now been scared of knives and always wanted it removed if I gave him one. He does spill food sometimes but it’s usually due to lack of attention. His fine motor skills are pretty good now with Lego and small things like that but writing is still difficult. If he traces words he will use the correct technique for forming the letters (in print) but if he writes by himself he doesn’t. The way he writes his name hasn’t changed much over the last few years.

Writing is one of the many things that according to DSs OT he ‘doesn’t see the point of.’

not sure how we move on from there really.

Would he trace shapes in rice or sand, or paint them on a wall?

You show him the point when you write in day to day life. Since he’s NV and you can’t write down his stories or the funny things he’s said, write down the funny things he does and make a big show of reading it aloud to your dh & dd. And continue to read him books. Does he like being read to?

Yes absolutely! I think a lot of it is that it involves time and patience and obviously being calm and still and controlled, which is a state he doesn’t show much as per previous comments.

Carrie DS also lacks any motivation to write. He uses the ipad and Clickr a lot at school to record his ideas. The most I can get him to write in general is his name in a card. His writing looks like a reception child's. However, it is only in the last year that he has shown any interest in mark making. He only scribbles- mostly back and forward with big sweeps and it makes him happy so there may be potential to improve....and if not if he can read and record stuff using tech then I think that would be a good outcome

Yes I agree Dimples. Great that he only showed interest relatively recently, sometimes I think oh god he’s now 7 he’s never going to do x or he would have done it by now. In my more hopeful moments I hope that’s not right.

school have raised pda in the last week, apparently DS indicating he wants to do something but then when offered it resists because it’s not on his terms. I may be asking Uno for her experience and advice if it continues (and isn’t just a phase.)

Buy anything nice at the shops open?

That’s tomorrow carrie. I’m looking forward to it.

Oh sorry!! It’s been a taxing week! 🤣. Enjoy! 🙂

Nothing that exciting carrie. Clinique charcoal TTDO to try, a couple of books and Valentine’s card & gifts for dh.

Sorry to disappoint

That sounds like a nice shop Open. Nipped into our local town with the kids, we have a jumbo sausage roll, millionaire shortbread and cinnamon swirl… 🤣🤣🤣. Not to be consumed by the same person I’d add 🤣🤣

Hope every

Ooops!! Cold hands typing this morning!

hope everyone is well. Just wanted to ask a random one to those of you with boys!!! When you are out are you still taking them into the ladies with you if you need or they need the loo? What about swimming changing rooms? Assuming there’s no disabled or family facilities?

it’s something I’ve been thinking about, I know Uno mentioned her DS is tall and so on. I’ve not had this before having an older girl! DS is not capable of going to the loo in his own, nor getting changed for swimming yet in most cases i would say there’s no disabled loo and def no family changing rooms where we swim!

it was mentioned a few months ago for the first time, just a passing comment… we were checking into a nice hotel with a spa, DH was god knows where, I went into the changing rooms with both kids as our room wasn’t ready and they wanted to swim. The receptionist looked at DS who looks about 5 and said to me, is he going in with you?? Slightly surprised…

I think our swimming pool changing rooms come to think have a sign up saying no boys in the ladies over 8! There’s no disabled/ family changing rooms tho.

if DH is with you, would that be different? Would he take him in the gents?

If dh was with him I’d be ok with him going in the gents toilet/changing room. I absolutely would not let him go in there by himself so he’d come with me. Luckily the pool we go to is all mixed cubicles.

@carriebradshawwithlessshoes if we're all out together, DH will take DS to loo or changing rooms. If it's just me and DS, we go in either the ladies or the 'big toilet' (disabled). DS is incapable of doing all the steps of toileting independently in a public loo (although he can at home, apart from flushing as it scares him) and I worry about the safety. He can't even wait for me if I'm in a cubicle snd he's fijshex, he'd just wander of i think, so I prefer using the disabled loo. We have had comments, which put DS off using it for a while, like huffy people with physical disabilities. I just say calmly, not all disabilities are visib. This also means we avoid hand dryers, which DS is still properly scared of. Although sometimes I take him in the ladies, like when we went to the cinema on the weekend, because it was closer and very family based so no one had a problem with it. We always go to asd friendly showings so everyone understood! The thing to remember I think is that our kids are not acting age appropriately due to challenges (I hesitate from calling them disabilities but in this type of case, I think they are) so it's acceptable that they still need us for toileting as would a younger child. Therefore, the disabled loo is acceptable. That's my reasoning anyway!
I also meant to say, check out the PDA society if you think DS has PDA Carrie, their strategies made us realise DS has slways had PDA and saved all our sanities!
Nice weekend here but DS upset yesterday afternoon at school so being quite disregulated etc. I think we're all just waiting for half term now!

Uno I wouldn’t hesitate to use a disabled loo with ds if I needed to. People can huff all they want. Some of them now have signs reminding people that not all disabilities are visible.

Thanks both! It seems it’s a no win, if some people huff about taking a child into the ladies/ female change areas and huff about the disabled loo! Where are you supposed to take them then?! As I say it’s not been an issue with DD but it’s only relatively recently and she’s 10 and very grown up if she has said say in a restaurant she’s off to the toilet that I haven’t accompanied her. Even then I’m watching the door for her to come out and so on.

DS does all sorts Uno. He still needs a stool to stand on as he’s too small for a normal toilet. The other day I found him sitting on the toilet but his trousers were still up. I don’t think he’d go on his own though, he would just mess about and probably flood the sink playing in the water.

Thank you for the pda advice!

Suppose what I’m saying is I would not have let DD at 7 get changed / go to loo on her own!

Because DS is quite sensory seeking he loves the hand dryers. He would stand there all day, gets his head under it like he’s drying his hair and so on…

carrie just do it. There are people who will huff about everything as they are so narrow minded they can’t see past their own experience. Just smile and be polite, you don’t need to apologise or feel guilty.