Primary school auties : spring 2021 and beyond - thread 6

[danni0509]

Hi. New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Everyone welcome x

Ds refused to go in again yesterday morning but did go in the afternoon for PE. I had a breakthrough late morning when I managed to get him to tell me what was bothering him. Though it took a lot of asking he’s never talked about it in this way so it’s great progress and hopefully something school can work on even if they can’t fix it entirely.

I went in to see the year 3 classroom yesterday too and discuss some of the options they are looking at. If the current restrictions are eased it will make so much difference I feel so I’m keeping everything crossed we don’t end up with a hideous third wave.

Sleep still poor, he keeps waking around 3am despite the melatonin 😴

With DD I think she's mainly "zoned in" to something else and that's why she often either cant hear us or can but doesn't respond. But definitely when she was small she would "zone out" when she was upset (there were times if I told her off or something instead of crying she'd just lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling - not a reaction her brother has ever had!!) I wish I'd understood it better at the time as I probably didn't really read it as a sign of distress back then. Still, you don't know what you don't know.

Welcome @allthenumbers! DD is quite verbal but did struggle a bit with the transition to school. Even though she could technically tell us what was worrying her I think often (especially then) she didn't understand it herself to be able to tell us. For us it was about getting a good routine/ritual in place, as she was fine when she was in school she just found the transition really really hard. We used a "love button" (www.korukids.co.uk/blog/after-school/5-tips-for-going-back-to-school/) and a "silly wave" (where we both tried to do the silliest wave we could to each other - which worked really well as she found it hard to be sad and silly at the same time). But the main thing was that there was a regular TA in the playground at drop-off and after a while DD kind of transitioned from me to the TA. Between the silly wave and holding the TA's hand she was OK to go in. After a couple of terms she relaxed a lot more and very went in by the end of Reception with just a silly wave but no special TA hand over or anything.

We had about the same age gap between DD and my NT DS (who was very energetic and into everything!) and yes, that age was hard work. Much easier the last year in particular (since DS turned 3 and can play much more with DD rather than just grabbing her stuff or breaking it!)

Sorry about the nightmare walk home @MagratGarlikInDisguise! Hope you can get transport sorted.

@danni0509 I got a tear in my eye about the certificate: what a contrast to his last school, to actually be properly included!! Well done DS - sounds like he is doing really well.

I think they will all be very ready for half term - and hopefully finally some warmth!!

@openupmyeagereyes yes I'm scared of a third wave too. DD has a "step up" day for her new school in June and I think it will be really important to support her transition, so I don't know what we'll do if Covid spikes again and it gets cancelled.... Fingers crossed vaccines keep ahead of the variants and we can continue to go ahead with things.

Great that DS managed to tell you what was worrying him though. Hopefully he'll find things easier after a rest over half term?

And good luck with the drive and hotel @dimples76. It's intense but will be great to see your family! Do they kids like listening to music or podcasts/stories in the car? Overdrive (the library app) is good for audiobooks if you have a library membership.

Yes Light I think he’s ready for a break, last day tomorrow and I’m looking forward to no school run!

The sun is currently out here, the weekend is supposed to be nice I think.

Hi @Allthenumbers welcome, definitely request the EHCNA, I know exactly that feeling you are talking about and my DD started unsupported. I was laughed at when I suggested she might need help initially. She is now year 1 and we are trying to move her to specialist provision. Trust your instinct.

@danni0509 fab that he seems to be making progress!

@magratGarlikInDisguise

Amazing news re-placement. Hope the transition goes smoothly! Sorry to hear about the horrible phonecall, I've never forgiven DD's head for telling me my 5 year old makes staff want to quit

I am arguing with the LA re DD's plan. They have written it for SEMH settings. Two schools consulted are for violent children and her ehcp makes her sound horrendous. School make her sound horrendous too. She really is not.

I got her behaviour logs from January until now. 85 school days.

The first three weeks of lockdown were rough (hardly a surprise). Then nothing logged for 8 weeks until the others returned. There are only 17 incidents logged since January full stop.

Since 22nd April there have been 4 physical incidents, all her swiping out at her 1-1 and throwing her shoes so not huge. 2 were the transition into school 1 I was late to collect her 1 was when they stuck her in a group of 4 which she just can't manage the communication in a group of 4.

Mostly wondering off, in their own words "seemingly in her own world" or for following her 1-1 when asked to stay where she is (chances are she didn't process the instruction and just stuck with her as norm) . One for shouting out "I'm a llama eating a banana" in class

I hardly see any of it as significant violence and all very linked to her Autism. Yet they want to stick her in a school used for kids who are excluded and very violent. I'm taking it to appeal. She needs a school to support her Autism, not a school that treats her like she is naughty.

Good luck @Mumofsend, you can do it!

Teacher called me earlier to say DS been hyper all day, hit 121 then the next person, so spent most of the time in an admins office (which worrying he said he liked as it's nice and quiet so...). I was asked to collect from office as its quieter for him and I picked him up a bit early so we could walk home before the rush. Had a better walk home at least! One more day...! Seriously thinking about adhd now, the more I read the more it seems to fit, but he's only usually v hyper when tired or stressed (although always inattentive and impulsive). Hmm.

Mum of send. That’s ridiculous, they seem SO petty! 90% of that would of just been ignored for ds and not even commented on never mind recorded. I would dread to think of the incidents they would of recorded for ds if his old school recorded everything like that, they would need a case full of exercise books just for the logs!!

Ds was having violent incidences every day sometimes multiple so 4 since April for dd doesn’t sound too bad to be honest (but then maybe my standards are used to being low I don’t know!) and as you say it was mostly swiping which ds does for the sake of it, he’s a super swiper! And shouting out the banana thing, what the hell? That’s so minor! Even NT kids shout out silly things.

Yes definitely appeal it’s insane. I agree with you regarding the type of school they are trying to place her in too I wouldn’t be happy. I looked at a few before xmas and the one with the 9 smashed windows was specifically an SEMH school.

On her ehcp what does it say for her primary area of need?

I’ll be back soon. Need to get ds out the bath, he’s just weed in a bucket he plays with in the bath and drank the lot.

I’ve took the bucket and he’s being an arse now trying to wet me.

@danni0509 the whole thing is ridiculous. There is a "physical assault against a pupil" recorded. The log details how he pushed her first and she pushed back. Surely that can hardly he described as a physical assault when it was retaliatory?

It's broken my heart reading it and seeing how her EHCP reads and the schools they want.

Our LA don't list primary need. It very clearly is written for SEMH though, her ASC is mentioned on one line in 23 pages. Her school listed it as Communication and interaction on their paperwork which I agree with.

Magrat it won’t hurt to get it looked at, pleased you had a less stressful walk home today.

Sorry for the 3am wake ups open.

Thanks light, yes it’s nice he’s being included.

Hi all the numbers & everyone else x

Yesterday ds tried to cut his fringe off at school (least they let him have scissors as he was banned from scissors at his old school after he cut his 1-1’s hand and at least he didn’t try to cut his tounge off like he did last year so I’ll take him fringeless he needs a hair cut anyway lol)

When I picked ds up today he’d been squirting water from his drinks bottle into the plug socket so his teacher said what are you doing ds? and he said I want to get electrocuted! 🙈

His teacher said he had another good morning (apart from his usual silliness) but they don’t really focus on that they mention it but still said he’s had a good morning.

His teacher came out first today to speak to me and said that he’s actually very bright (makes me so happy to hear this) and last Monday / Tuesday he thought ds was a lot more delayed than he was because he wouldn’t do any work / wouldn’t (teacher thought couldn’t) write his name etc he said they don’t have any estimated levels from his old school so he was hazarding a guess until they complete all his baselines.

He said the work he’d done yesterday was too easy so he gave him some more challenging work today and ds sailed through it with his 1-1 helper so they have changed his work tray to a more difficult level and will see how he gets on but his teacher was pleasantly suprised.

They printed me some pictures of ds doing his work and it was phase 3 phonics etc so im not suprised he sailed through it, he’s on phase 6 right now at home and was just starting phase 6 at old school but his new school didn’t know that and judging by his ehcp (which is the only information they have on him) you would think ds was quite low in his work tbh by the way he’s described.

I said to the teacher ds said he likes to play with Amelia and Jasper at school and his teacher said we don’t have any children called those names I’m afraid. thanks ds! 😂

He said he plays with x child and x child, 1 of the children is deaf and has no speech so they are teaching ds to sign to communicate with her. And the little girl really likes ds and ds keeps telling her to talk (bless him he doesn’t realise) the children all seem to really like ds, I want to buy them all Christmas presents already 😂

Today he played with a different boy and the boy didn’t want to finish his lunch as he couldn’t get outside quick enough to get to ds.

He seems so much more settled now thank god just hope it continues.

Also what is nice is when I walk down the path ds class has its own playground so I can hear them all outside and they all make the same noises as ds all of them together!

@openupmyeagereyes thanks, I do need to manage my anxiety but don’t do it very well! We got her diagnosis a couple of months ago. I tackled DLA first (not heard yet) rather than the EHCP mainly as preschool always say she doesn’t need one. When they say she’s coping I think they mean she’s happy at preschool, goes in and comes out happy, joins in the activities and interacts a little bit with the other kids. But yes I think she just gets on with it and probably spends a lot of time on her own doing repetitive play. They have a safe space for her to go to if she’s overwhelmed with a sensory box. She has a My Support Plan which will go with her to school but it’s not a statutory thing. But really it’s a small setting with a high ratio of adults to kids so school is going to be a big jump. The mornings trying to manage the two kids are hard enough at the moment but chuck in an early start time for school and a reluctant daughter - well I’m dreading it.

I’m sorry sleep is bad for you. We struggle too - early mornings, night wakings and hard to settle. We’ve not tried melatonin yet. Hope tonight is better for you.

@LightTripper thank you. That’s really helpful knowing how your daughter adapted. Was the TA just one of the general TAs? Does your daughter have an EHCP? A handover like that would be great for my daughter I think . And I’ll check out the love spot. Silly wave could also really help - thank you!
My youngest is also into everything and very strong willed. It’s good to know it’s got easier for you. My youngest is almost two and a half and actually does want to play with her sister but most of my eldest’s play is very very rigid and repetitive so it’s impossible for her sister to join in and they both get cross. It’s really stressful in general. I feel sad that they can’t play together much and I can’t see that changing much. It’s ok when it’s adult led physical play - then they can play together. Anything toy based is a big no!

@Mumofsend god, I’m sorry, the school behaviour logging sounds ridiculous. Imagine logging it every time a child called out something silly! What a terrible and completely unprofessional thing for the head to have said you as well. Good luck with the appeal. You’re arguing with the LA to find a suitable school, is that right? I had (naively) thought that if you had an EHCP you could name the school you wanted?

Can I ask everyone - if I applied for a needs assessment would that happen quickly (ie before the end of the summer term while she’s still at preschool)? If so, if they assess her and see her needs are met at preschool will that go against us or will the assessment cover the fact that the school setting will be vastly different? My husband is very much into listening to what the “professionals” say ie trusting the preschool and school etc It’s hard as I then end up over compensating and being more anxious and more sceptical.

Allthenumbers I don’t think any EHCNA would take place before the end of term. We submitted our application mid-March of the year ds was due to start school. Our assessment and meeting to draft the plan happened before the end of term and the plan was issued over the summer break.

The process should be completed in 20 weeks but they are often delayed when it runs over the summer break and they can’t be assessed in a setting - see timeline:

www.westsussex.gov.uk/media/10912/ehcna_timescales.pdf

Magrat I hope that things get easier.

Light fingers crossed all stays fine for the step up day.

Danni reading your recent posts makes me so happy. I know that you still have a lot of challenges but it really seems that the new school was the right move.

MumofSend I really feel for you. That behaviour log is ridiculous. Really hope that you can find the right placement.

Allthenumbers for us it took from September to May to get the EHCP. That included the appeal though which held things up from November to February. I helped my sister get her son's EHCP, that took a year but we had to appeal against refusal to assess against refusal to issue. If you have not already it might be worth contacting the school SENCO. DS has it written into his plan that his 1:1 would meet him at the gates. They did that for the first couple of weeks and then DS surprised me by being happy to go in alone.

I received the private OT report that school had commissioned. Wow, it was a depressing read. In the motor skills section all of his scores were 0.1-1st percentile. The sensory assessment just really hit home how tough life is for DS. It was an unrelentingly negative read - not a single strength was mentioned.

Open that's a real positive that he was able to articulate his fears. How was he going in today? 3am, I don't know how you cope.

Also thanks everyone for helping clarify my thinking re zoning in and zoning out

@Mumofsend that behaviour log sounds really awful. The stuff DD tells me the boys in her class get up to and as far as I can work out none of them are being sent to schools for behavioural problems (or have SEN that I know of, though I guess you never know: highly unlikely all the ones who throw things and shout do though, unless we're a real outlier!) Definitely sounds like you need to appeal. Are you aware of schools that you think would suit DD?

@Allthenumbers it was just one of the general TAs. It was one who had previously worked at the nursery so DD knew her a little bit so I think that helped. It wasn't a formal arrangement but she was on the playground most days so after a while we would just seek her out and do handover, and then when that seemed to be working we formalised it with the school. DD doesn't have an EHCP. I suspect she might need one in a bigger setting, but her school is really tiny: 60 pupils across R/Y1/Y2 and that's it. Her TA this year did Early Bird + with us last year, and has two (adult) autistic sons, so that really helps as he "gets it" and he helps DD with executive function stuff and notices if she's getting a bit overwhelmed. But generally she loves school. In fact when we were talking about going on holiday she said she wished she could bring school with her! But I know we're very lucky. Slightly shitting myself about the next school which is still small class sizes but 2 form entry and goes all the way from Reception to Y6 so much bigger.

More brilliant updates @danni0509 (except for the electrocution bit !) A shame the school hadn't communicated with you more beforehand to figure out where he was at, but probably not a bad thing to let him settle in with work that's well within his abilities first really! I just love the fact that it sounds like he is really part of the classroom community now. He was missing out so much on that before - it's wonderful that he's finally getting that!

@danni0509 well that sounds positive!

@allthenumbers not necessarily. Officially and legally it is meant to be parental preference unless school can't meet needs/incompatible with existing children/inefficient use of resources and then the LA can name any school it determines 'appropriate'. In reality this translates to the LA naming the cheapest option even if they can't meet needs and they achieve this by doing what they have done to DD and writing the plans to be awful and vague and understating needs. It is awful, underhand tactics.

The process takes 20 weeks. We applied May last year and it was finalised in October and was straight forward.

@LightTripper no I'm struggling to identify one which is not helping at all. I'm getting her plan rewritten first and then going from there.

Ds not in school again today. I have had enough this week. I just want to cry.

We have no strategies and I don’t know where to start.

Open so sorry to read that. Have school made any suggestions?

No they haven't dimples, I have just emailed the Senco asking for help but she is only part time so probably won't see it until after half term.

I'm trying to remember that it's half term and he's probably just tired but it's hard not to catastrophise at the moment. I just don't know how to play it at home. I've got such a muddle of different emotions right now.

I think from all the posts everyone is ready for a holiday. Can you get out in the sunshine together?

We’ve been out in the garden for a short while. Can’t really go elsewhere because he should be at school and I don’t want to reward his not going in with a fun activity.

Oh @openupmyeagereyes I'm sorry :(

Horrible afternoon here. Not the best way to start the half term break.

I hope everyone has a good week.