Primary school auties : spring 2021 and beyond - thread 6

[danni0509]

Hi. New thread.

This is the continuation of the thread for parents / carers of autistic children / children with additional needs. Most of us are parents of children in year 1 / year 2.

Links to old threads

Thread 1 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5 - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Everyone welcome x

Oh dear @openupmyeagereyes hope bedtime goes OK and you get a bit of time to yourself later!
DS came out today flanked by two senior teachers, he'd been doing his usual hyper hitting (tapping really) thing, the look of relief on their faces that it was home time was so obvious! He seems happy to have a week off next week and then only 6 weeks left!

I'm sorry open. We have strategies in place but it's so variable as to wether they work or not. Hopefully the half term break will do you all some good.

If it makes you feel better ds put the garden hose into a pipe in our wall and flooded his bedroom earlier! Got to admire the ingenuity.

I hope everyone get a bit of a break over half term!

Thank you. I can’t wait to get to bed, frankly. I’m worn out and it’s my turn to get up at 3 tomorrow 😱

Magrat I hope ds chills out over half term.

liv oh dear. Is anything ruined?

I’ve signed up to a sunshine support webinar on the low arousal approach for anxiety, behaviour and crisis management.

@LightTripper your daughter’s current school sounds amazing. DDs school is three form entry so about 90 kids a year group but at least is infants only so just up to yr 2. The size is the thing that put me off but all schools round here are large anyway. I was swayed by the chosen school’s inclusion award and lots of autistic kids but still so worried. 🙁

Everyone thanks for the advice re EHCP. I’m thinking of waiting to apply till September and seeing how she manages / what the school can do to help her. I’m assuming the SENCO will be onboard with applying if they think she needs one? Anyway in the meantime I’m going to talk to a couple of local charities about the process and see what they think / get some advice. The whole thing is so daunting and part of me has this hope that actually she will be ok.

@openupmyeagereyes sorry you’re having a hard run of it. I’ve had some shocking days lately which have just left me so low and unable to cope. but it’s been such an unsettled time at my daughter’s preschool (had to close for a covid case and the self isolation then had to close due to staffing issues) so I’m hoping a bit of stability will help. Hoping you get some rest and some sort of break.

Open there are a few children at Ds school who are school refusers as the weekly newsletter always says things like well done to x for managing a full weeks attendance, well done to x for managing anxieties and attending school all week etc.

It’s not something I have a problem with for ds so can’t offer personal advice but hope something gives for you. You’re much kinder than me as when ds refuses to do something / go somewhere I don’t give him a choice i force him although as he gets older that will be more difficult.

Your webinar sounds good. I watch things like that on YouTube x

Ds on the way to school this morning was kicking in the back seat and the cup holder in the back he kept kicking it with such force well he ended up kicking all the plastic casing off the bit that goes in between the 2 front seats & all my hand break was exposed.

I couldn’t pull over (not that that would of made any difference anyway unless I tied his feet up) as it’s all 60mph country roads.

I was issuing some serious threats / I think i told him he’d lost his iPad for 2 years / he’s never eating chocolate again / I was sending his space tent back to the shop / when all that didn’t work I was driving with one hand on the wheel (on the safe bits) one arm in the back holding his foot 😂 😭

I got dh to fix it all back together when I got home, but he’s cracked the casing!

I just don’t see the point in him trashing everything own.

Omg @danni0509 what a stress! Hope nothing is too ruined @livpotter. DS at bedtime was talking about stuff from weeks ago, asking if the same chocolate factory documentary would be on TV as it was on last bank holiday, but he could barely remember what happened earlier today. Bless him, I think schools approach to making so much of the hitting makes him worse with it, but I know they can't just ignore it. Apparently the new school use a different approach to all that type of challenging behaviours so I really hope that might help DS more as he's not a horrible kid, he's lovely really, but just struggles to control his impulses. Also it's like once he's done a behaviour a few times, it becomes a routine unfortunately...was v sweet at bedtime though!

Thanks Allthenumbers. In truth we are very lucky. Ds is very verbal and generally absolutely lovely, if quirky and a lot bit 'own agenda' still. But we do have occasional issues with school refusal, periodic tantrums with hitting and hair pulling (of me) which are, almost always, about screen time and his sleeping is dreadful.

The sleep could be worse and I'm sure many people do deal with worse but it's hard for us nonetheless.

danni that sounds difficult. Glad that dh was mostly able to get everything back into place. How did his last couple of days go? I can't look back to re-read what you wrote. I gave up trying to force ds to school because it was just hideous all round and frankly he's just too big and strong now. If he's not going willingly because he's not happy then he's not in a good place to learn.

His last couple of days were ok open, his teacher said he’d had good mornings Thursday / Friday and done plenty of work.

I just worry because they were doing satpin phonics with him on the photos they sent home and he did those 2 years ago.

I’m sure they will realise he is quite a good reader (he left old school on light blue level 4, but can read level 6 orange here and in fact reads his normal space books etc) but for now they are repeating work with him he was doing at the end of reception.

I haven’t said anything as I don’t want to look ‘that’ parent and they are surely going to realise he’s way past that stage? We don’t seem to get any reading books or anything home though so I won’t know what level they have him on.

Unless they send reading books home when they have finished assessing him but so far after 2 weeks, nothing and no mention.

How has your day been with ds?

We went to soft play this morning, god I’m so fat and unfit, I can’t let ds go in the play area on his own so I have to go in and supervise, I banged my head about 15 times, got stuck through some netting and friction burned my back.

I was exhausted when we left!

He went on the bouncy castle which he’s usually terrified of and it was busy in there but he never hit anyone or caused any trouble.

Ds had a good time and we walked to get some chips after and he’s been out on his trampoline this afternoon so overall a good day.

They should know he can read well anyway as they show him symbol cards when they collect him from me / drop him back off to me and it says ‘good listening’ / ‘finished’ etc and he always reads the words / phrases off the cards and his class teacher said excellent reading one morning.

So I’ll stop worrying and maybe it’s just standard to start basic and work up so they can see what he does / doesn’t know, he did say he had given him harder work end of last week.

I’ve not heard from his old school at all, I thought maybe they would of messaged to see how he was. They blocked me from bug club and tapestry straight away 🤣 almost like good riddance!

danni I’m sure they are doing a thorough assessment to see if there are any gaps in his learning. They will move him up I’m sure so I wouldn’t worry.

Ds has been awake since 1:30 today! He fell asleep in the car late morning but after 20 mins his eyes pinged open again. You couldn’t make it up. He’s been ok today but has had a fair amount of screen time. Tomorrow my coloured in clock showing him when he can have it is coming back out. I’m sure that will go down like a lead balloon.

@openupmyeagereyes I get my hair pulled too so you have my sympathy! And I get scratched also but generally these behaviours are only when DD is distraught/In a panic and having a meltdown. I can’t help but feel so sorry for her. It’s like she has to scratch and as soon as it’s done the anger goes but then she feels so awful. Even though I just try and comfort her and try to help her regulate. Poor thing.

Could you let me know if that webinar is any good? Might be helpful for me. Thanks

DD has never been violent with anyone but me, her dad and her sister and I’m hoping it stays that way. I suppose if anything like that happened at school it’d show me that she was completely overwhelmed.

Everyone I’m in touch with the school SENCO but I’m not sure what to ask in terms of DDs transition. I’m hoping they get in touch with specific details soon. We have a stay and play session but it’s for all the kids. I have no info yet on what will happen in September. Can you remember much about your kids start of school life and how they were eased in?

All my ds had his EHCP in place before school started and the reception teacher attended the planning meeting to draft it. Despite that he didn't have anything above and beyond the regular transition because that was fairly comprehensive anyway. The teacher came to see the dc at nursery one morning and through July they did 4 settling sessions of 90 minutes. As ds needed 1:1 support, I went to the first 3 with him and then he had TA support for the final one. They sent home a short leaflet with some photos for him. In September they did a home visit which is standard. They did offer for him to have an additional visit in September before the rest of the class started but we didn't think it was necessary. Ds was so excited to start school anyway and for the first week and a bit he actually slept in his (clean) uniform. After the first couple of weeks the novelty wore off!

I hope your dd can have a good transition, it must be hard with all the covid restrictions on place.

And when ds gets agressive like that it's always when he can't get his own way and it's very calculated, he's not having a sensory crisis. It's like he can't stop but if you were to give him what he wanted he would calm down so defitely a tantrum rather than a meltdown. He manages overload by removing himself from the situation and we always support that where we can, we encourage but we don't force him into/to stay in situations where he isn't comfortable.

We found the Topsy and Tim start school episode brilliant for gettting ds excited for school.

Actually, maybe it was only 3 settling sessions. The first 2 were in groups of 10, the last one was the whole class.

@openupmyeagereyes thanks, that’s really helpful. Yeah covid makes it harder. I’ll try and be patient and see what the school’s transition plan is.

That sounds tough for you re the violence.

How lovely that your son was so excited to start school. I would be so happy if DD felt like that. I’ve barely mentioned it to dd yet as she is often fairly non responsive. I’ll check out topsy and Tim. thanks

Allthenumbers DS did 3 standard visits with the rest of the new starters and then 3 extra, 1 with me and 2 with his nursery key worker (he had 9 hours 1:1 at nursery). His school 1:1 was recovering from surgery the summer term before school began. She v kindly came in to meet DS and made him a personalised photo book of the school and staff which we looked at a lot that summer . School recommended that we walk the route to school several times over the summer hols. DS started FT with the rest of his cohort but he had his EHCP in place and his TA greeted him at the gate.

Allthenumbers - ds had full time 1-1 at nursery paid by the local authorities early years inclusion funding, he had that from when he started age 2, whilst he was at nursery he had a ‘my plan’ and was under the cdc and they used to go in regularly along with a specialist out reach teacher. He did 16 hours a week at nursery.

The nursery was under the impression that his school applied for his ehcp when he started there (which in reality was nursery being arseholes not wanting the hard work as it didn’t benefit them as they had the funding they needed so they didn’t want to apply for it) the mainstream school asked them to start it and the nursery literally applied in the June when he was leaving in the July. His mainstream school also visited nursery twice to see him.

For settling in sessions to his school he went 3 afternoons 1pm-3pm that was it, but his 1-1 nursery worker went with him and he still managed to cause havoc so that’s when his mainstream school see how much support he needed and sorted his 1-1 out ready for the September start.

His ehcp was done for the November of that same year so 2 months into reception.

As for school he basically spent the full reception year part time then year 1 & 2 half part time / half full time.

He’s missed out on so much education over the years thanks to schools taking the piss!

Ds has a speech therapy appointment this morning at the hospital. It’s a 6 month review, she couldn’t get to school to do it as the date she wanted he had just left and she doesn’t cover the new borough. She is saying she thinks it will be down to ds new school to arrange new therapy from that borough so I’ll find out more about that today because he’s not being fobbed off! She’s been trying to discharge him for ages now (keeps saying his speech is disordered because of Asd which is common and his attention span doesn’t allow for any actual therapy) just excuses!

On my appointment letter it says anyone over the age of 3 needs to wear a mask for the duration of the appointment.

Asif! (I’ll wear one obviously)

I’m taking ds without one, I’ve screen shotted the exemption card on my phone for him.

I can’t get him to keep his socks and shoes on never mind a mask.

He had an orthotics appointment a fortnight ago and not once did it mention on a letter he needed to wear a mask, I took him without and no one said a word. So no idea why salt department are so strict.

His salt also always says how good his speech is and once said when he was in year 1 it was almost age appropriate, but i said to her ask him a why or how question.

He still at 7.5 years old doesn’t know how to answer why.

He has just (recently) started to meet targets for blank level 3 which is on average when a 4.5 years old will develop those skills so by my estimations is still 3 years behind with his speech.

Far from age appropriate!

Will report back later.