Auties transition to Year 1 - thread 3

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in reception year at school, going into Year 1 in the autumn. All welcome (also parents with older or younger children who want to ask questions or share their wisdom!)

Welcome!

Hey everyone sorry I've been a bit absent. So much going on in the run up to the end of term.

Hope everyone is doing ok!

I've attached a picture from my parenting course workbook which might help open. It's very tough when it is a flat out no.

Open really struggling with defiance here at the moment. DS just walks/runs away from me at the moment as he knows that I can't follow. I am currently sporting a black eye caused by a battle over getting dressed. Generally what works for us is me pretending that it doesn't bother me, e.g. he refuses to get dressed to go to the park I'll make myself a cup of tea and curl up with a book. Or I'll try and make a game of it. If he is at a point when I think he'll listen I will explain the natural/logical consequence of his refusal e.g. if he makes a mess and then refuses to help tidy it up I'll say that if I have to do it all myself it will be too late to for us to go to the party.
However, none of those approaches is working at the moment!

@livpotter your photo didn’t attach, are you able to try again? TIA.

dimples sorry you’re suffering too. Do you think it’s anxiety following you being in hospital and being at your mum’s? Sorry about the black eye

I know ds is stressed out about the impending move to year one but, blimey, he’s been a pain this evening. We had a lovely play date with some friends and then he kicked off when they went home because he wanted to go with them and it spiralled from there. I expected a difficult bedtime but it was ok thankfully.

I am anticipating school refusal this week, I think that is where we are heading. My mum is on standby for our EHCP meeting Wednesday afternoon.

And he’s still waking at 4:30.

Whoops, sorry @livpotter it’s magically appeared now!

Open I think it's being at my Mum's, realising that I'm not invincible and end of term excitement/anxiety. He wasn't trying to hurt me - he was sitting on my good knee and he jerked forward then his head crashed back on my cheek. When he saw that I had tears in my eyes he laughed - that really got to me. Good luck tomorrow

dimples ds often bashes his head onto mine. I think it’s a lack of spatial awareness or personal space issue or something.

Ds is up, downstairs and watching the iPad. This is the second time within a week that he’s woken at this time and insisted on coming downstairs, though last time he just lay on the sofa and went back to sleep after a short while.

He is obviously so wound up and the melatonin is just about useless really

Sorry open id be no use giving you advice on defiance. I'm another struggling.

Ds is unbelievable. He rarely does a thing I ask, we don't have any strategies that work at the minute. I'm not sure we've ever had anything that's worked really.

We do do a lot of what liv said though 'first and then'

Earlier, my big shabby chic type clock ds hung on it and it fell down and hit him on the head and then onto the floor, glass everywhere the clock actually clonked him straight on his head (it's heavy) and he just stood laughing. I was sorting the curtains out straightening them out as incidentally he'd just been swinging off them in the window and as quick as that he'd ran passed me and caused havoc the other side of the living room.

He's ok fortunately, no damage done to him this time, but I'm genuinely starting to wonder how he's still alive with some of the stunts he's pulling

He's been stuffing non edibles into his mouth at school again which is worrying me, I know they supervise the arse off him, but it only takes a second. It's been a plaster, a paint sponge, pieces of chalk, plastic pieces from a board game and that's just been today! He grabs anything he can get his hands on and really quick rams it in. They don't let him have small pieces but of course he's in a classroom....

They've had to have a chat with all teachers / TA's to make sure everyone is aware.

Again he's doing it for a reaction as with a lot of things he does, I just wish he'd choose less dangerous games.

Sorry about your clock danni. You must be fed up with things being broken.

It must be some sort of sensory issue not to recognise that sort of pain. Does he generally notice if he hurts himself?

Last week when we checked our suitcases in on the way home, dh and my mum were putting them on the belt.

I had ds' hand in the death grip tightly ....

Next thing ds has wrestled away and jumped on the conveyor belt and was being taken into the back of beyond, the staff had to press the emergency stop button and I had to climb on the conveyor belt and drag ds off infront of 600 other TUI passengers as he would not listen to me when I was telling him to get off the belt, instead he stood up when she'd stopped it and starting to run further behind the scenes.

I've grown a thick skin to letting ds embarrass me now a days, but that was embarrassing.

He's always been the same open he never ever cries in pain, if he did i would know there was something seriously wrong with him.

He often hurts himself and doesn't bat an eyelid, even when he's poorly (he had his tonsils out last year) you would never of known.

It's so bizarre.

Next thing ds has wrestled away and jumped on the conveyor belt and was being taken into the back of beyond, the staff had to press the emergency stop button and I had to climb on the conveyor belt and drag ds off infront of 600 other TUI passengers as he would not listen to me when I was telling him to get off the belt, instead he stood up when she'd stopped it and starting to run further behind the scenes.

I think (hope) that’s something you’ll laugh about in the years to come.

We’re now watching Beauty and the Beast. Ffs.

It must have been mortifying at the time though.

Kudos to you for taking him abroad though, you’re braver than us. We’ve been holidaying in the uk since ds was born.

Hope you got some sleep open. It's so difficult when they are that wound up. Good luck with the review, we have ours next week.

I'm sorry it's so tough for you at the moment dimples. I does feel so unbelievably hurtful when ds laughs at me being in pain, so I feel for you.

Oh wow danni! When I was a child I held on to the wrong side of the escalator at the airport and got almost up to the top before someone pulled me on to the right side. My mum was mortified.

One of my family members who has three kids, one who's autistic and another with autism and adhd tells me repeatedly that at this stage it is mainly about keeping them alive. To be honest I'm not entirely sure how we've managed so far with ds.

We've been having a lot of problems with ds weeing in his room and flooding bathrooms recently. So much so we have to get the flooring replaced in a couple of weeks. We've also had a lot of hitting, bitting, kicking and even head banging the other day. I think ds must just be knackered as well as being disrupted by me and dh going away and all the transition stuff at school. So much going on!

Oh Danni that sounds v stressful.
Open hope that DS did not stay up too much later.

Open how did the rest of the night go?

Ds' annual review was supposed to be a fortnight ago but we were on holiday so they changed the date for us but couldn't do until the first week back in September so that's when ours is now.

Liv I definitely agree, the main purpose is keeping them alive! I feel like that's all I do day in day out.

I often say ds is safest when he's fast asleep!

Liv ds keeps weeing on his bedroom carpet he's done a few number twos on it too.

He needed a new one after we decorated it but I'm not bothering for now, I've got a carpet vax so will keep on top of it with that when I can be bothered to lug it upstairs and I'll buy a carpet when he can be more sensible.

He needs a litter tray up there!

Dimples bless you, you have certainly been in the wars lately!

danni if he has a favourite spot maybe those disposable puppy training mats they have which must be like the dri-nites mats. I’m only half joking...

We watched an hour of Beauty and the Beast then he wanted it turned off and for me to read him the story for around half an hour. At various points I got told to be happy because clearly my 1:30 am reading voice was not up to par! He ended up falling asleep at 1:50 so he was awake about 2.5 hours. I gave it 10 mins then tried to move him and got told off so it was another 10 minutes waiting for him to be more deeply asleep before I got him back to bed. He then woke up around 5:40. He was talking again about not going to school but actually went in fine, I’m not anticipating a good day though.

liv the head teacher told me this morning that all the children that they have with even the mildest issues are completely amped up, she said it is typical at this time of year. It’s nice to know he’s not the only one.

I would say roll on the end of term but I'm worried that at my Mum's things might get worse. DS fights with his twin cousins and is being cruel to Granny's dog. The dog situation is really getting to me as both DS and the dog ignore me and my Mum and sister do not seem as alert to the danger. Yes, keeping them alive is a big enough challenge.

Liv why do you think that they laugh? DS can be v kind and attentive when someone is sad but when I'm injured he always laughs. Maybe he has watched too many 'funny videos' on YouTube?!

DD sometimes does that too Liv & Dimples... I also find it hurtful and have tried to get her to explain but she can't. It's weird as other times if I get hurt she'll be "Mum, what happened! Are you OK?" so it's not that she doesn't care. I think usually when it happens it's part of a kind of manic phase of over-excitement - I don't think it's happiness so much as total wiredness, does that make any sense?

I do know i sometimes smile/laugh when I'm very tense (like if there's a big disagreement/stand off between OH and DD sometimes I find myself grinning with stress which is a really weird feeling and I try not to, but it seems to be a weird way of getting rid of that manic/anxious energy somehow ... I don't know, hard to explain. I wish I didn't!)

Open your night makes me feel tired just reading it! Glad he got into school ok though.

Yes danni a carpet cleaner sounds like a good plan. We've just decided to replace the floor with Lino. I'm hoping then that he will be more aware of making the floor wet than with the carpet.

Dimples in ds's case I think he laughs either out of anxiety or because he can tell that there is a lot of emotion but he can't work out which one it is.

Light I sometimes laugh or smile in bad situations too. I think I'm my case it's just awkwardness and just not knowing how to react.

Yes, exactly on the laughing liv - some kind of overwhelm I think.

And awkwardness and not knowing how to react is the driver for me too. It just always seems weird that laughing is somehow a visceral response to those feelings. I'm sure I read something about smiling being an aggressive gesture in monkeys (showing they might bite) - so maybe there's a bit of self-defence in there too!

Evening everyone. So much has been going on here.

Ds has been very anxious about all the transition activities and is just ready for a break. Yesterday afternoon, however, he seemed much calmer and had his best nights sleep for a while: 7:40-5:30. It was very welcome after the previous night.

Today was the school’s move up morning and apparently he did really well, joining the class until the morning break though not afterwards. I’m pretty pleased with that, it’s better than I expected.

I met the new teacher and although I was apprehensive because he’s actually newly qualified he seems very nice. He has experience within a SN school and has been a 1:1 support also. All good experience and hopefully things will work out well.

We had the EHCP meeting today. It went pretty well however we did learn that he will not have his favourite TA next year. We’re disappointed about that but there’s not much point dwelling on it as it’s not in our control. He will have a TA he used to have in the afternoon in the mornings and the current TA that he has in the afternoon will remain. I really don’t know what will happen when he starts back as he’s so dependent on this TA taking him in in the morning. I think the plan is that she brings him in with the new TA initially and they’ll work on the transition.

I hope everyone else is doing well. We have a week of term left. I’m really looking forward to the holidays.