Posting here for traffic - I am at the end of my tether 
.
DD1 (10) has mild autism and has always been a bit difficult. However, lately her behaviour has gone off the scales. She starts screaming at me in the morning before I even get out of bed. She hurts DD2 (and has hit me in the past).
She can be a screaming, shouting banshee for hours, and then, suddenly, turn into this little ray of sunshine that giggles, laughs and tells us how much she loves us. Five minutes later she'll hit DD2 again and start stropping and screaming. I've started to wonder if she isn't bipolar or psychotic - and I feel like a bad mother for even wondering this .
She constantly lies, and seems to genuinely believe her own lies. She's started cutting herself because apparently it will make me happy. She threatens to kill herself a number of times a week.
Last night things reached a whole new level, and she started threatening to kill DD2. After hours of screaming she told me she definitely will kill DD2. She spoke to her 'D'F on the phone and he managed to calm her down. 30 minutes of relative peace, and then the shouting started again. She refused to go to bed, and said again she was going to kill herself, and it was all my fault.
I'm ashamed to say I did something cruel, but I was truly at my wits' end and I am exhausted to the very depths of my soul. I came out of my room and told her I was going to kill myself. She tried to stop me going into the kitchen (as DD2 always tries to do when DD1 tries to get a knife). I pushed past her, got my biggest, sharpest knife, pressed it to my wrist and asked her if she wanted to watch (as she always asks me). Quoting her verbatim, I said that she hates me anyway, will be happy if I'm dead, and be rid of me. She was in hysterics, screaming that I'm her mum, she loves me and she didn't want me to kill myself.
She cried in her room for a while, then came to me and we had a cuddle. She said she felt very very scared, and I told her that's the way DD2 and I feel every time she does it. She promised to not do it again.
I don't feel proud of myself at all, but I do think (hope) that on some level I got through to her. I am going to take her to the GP as I think she needs a psyc evaluation. The thing is, nobody believes me when I tell them what she's like. They see this beautiful girl with the angelic blonde curls with impeccable behaviour (at school anyway), and they think I'm making it all up.
Has anyone else been in this position? Any words of advice? Tell me off for being cruel, anything. I'm feel like I'm losing my DD and I want to stop any more damage being done.