Please help me to help my ds.. I don't know what's wrong!

[essbee]

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just been on MSN to essbee, who said to let you know that she is off the computer atm, as DD has just woken up.

Thanks, that won't shut us up banging on with suggestions for her though ready for when she comes back! Although have to say I don't know what to suggest really but have to do something.

knowing essbee, would be surprised if she resisted coming back onto MN again before going to bed....

Talking of bed, I must go, but esbee i'll be back in the morning.

Essbee - Just wanted to kno whow you are today my love xxx

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Hi there essbee. Sorry to hear things are still so tough. Am I right in thinking you're in or near Croydon? There are some agencies round there that might be able to offer some support/advice while you're waiting for social services help to kick in, depending on their waiting lists (these tend to be long but are often not as long as social services lists, IME). The 3 I've listed below are listed on the Croydon directory here and look relevant. Apologies if you're not in Croydon and all this is as useless as a chocolate teapot but in that case it might be worth doing a search on services in your borough, wherever it is. Generally they'll say whether they accept self-referrals/GP referrals. HTH- and that you and ds have a good day today.

Parents Support Forum
23-24 Ramsey Court, Church Street, Croydon CRO 1RF
020 8667 9222

Walk Right In Ltd
5/9 Surrey Street, Croydon CRO 1RG
07929 331783
Contact: Marcie Buxton

North Croydon Well Family Service
Fairview Medical Centre
69 Fairview Road
Norbury
London
Surrey
SW16 5PX
020 8679 7781
[email protected]
(Jenny Stapleton, Manager)

Not quite in Croydon although they may be able to point her in the right direction, Scummy.

Essbee, keep a diary of his behaviour - maybe even include notes on his diet or other possible triggers too. Take photos of the devestation? Then you'll have evidence to show the next person you see without having to try to remember when, where, frequency etc. Include everything that happens.

essbee I think your son needs to see a clinical (not ed) psychologist. A good one can really move things along and provide lots of practical coping strategies for you. IME far more use than social services (who are a whole frustration in themselves just to try and deal with them). Is there any chance of seeing one privately? Otherwise like everything waiting lists are long. I would ask your GP and the person you saw yestersya though whether there is a clinical psych at your local child development centre that your son could be referred to.

essbee
I have only just found your thread but we have talked a lot about this on msn....

have you rung parentline yet?

you must go to the docs with ds and be totally straight with them
tell them you can cope with it no more
tell them what he has done
make it clear that i has been going on for a long time, but worse in the last year
tell them he is violent and destructive
tell them you feel that you are being passed from pillar to post and are getting no support
tell them how low you feel and the thoughts you have had about foster care etc
tell them that you are worried about the affect it is having on DD
tell them!!

You have to essbee
you can not go on like this anymore

Hope those croydon addresses are useful, essbee. Even if they are not quite in your area, the managers will surely know of similar groups nearer to you.

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Hey essbee. Sorry those were no good. Are you absolutely sure about there being nothing else? What borough are you? If you are prepared to say I could do some researching for you. You can CAT me if you don't want to put it on the site. hope ds calms down soon.

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essbee a educational pyschologist assess for 'education' ie. what school setting they should be at, where they are educationally in intellectual terms, their strengths and weakness's, what areas of development need improving etc.

a clinical physchologist looks more at emotional issues and behavioural issues and how to improve matters at home/school to help your son. it is a bit more complex than this, i think

I think!!

Just a quicky Essbee - I just noticed that Soupdragon mentioned taking pics of the devestation (good thinking Soupy). When I was having a very bad time of it like you, I took a couple of pics of my arm which my ds had bitten 3 times leaving bruised toothmarks. I included these with my DLA appeal and I think that they went some way in changing their minds. You have physical evidence of how violent he can be toward you - make sure you document it. It didn't feel right to do this for me, but it has helped me get where I need to in getting help for my ds.

My ds has good days and really really rotten days when I have felt like chucking myself out of the window. But we carry on regardless. I know it's really tiring Essbee, but keep pushing...keep shouting if necessary and they will have to help you.

Other than that all I can do is offer my biggest hugs and to say that even though you feel awful at the moment, things will improve, I promise. xxxxxxxxx

Essbee,

I would have been surprised if Walk Right In Ltd (listed by ScummyMummy) wouldn't have seen you even where you live, though it is a private service. The person there which the best experience would be Elizabeth Jackson (and ask for her, not Marcie who I believe has left). Also I have a friend with a 6yo son at the smallest Sanderstead primary school with some similar behavious issues (again relating to absent father issues) - I know he saw someone, and I'll try to find out who.

Sorry that you're going through this still.