I know there is a starting secondary school thread somewhere but I cant find it and really need some flaps and honks!

[Ineedmorepatience]

Dd3's stress levels are going through the roof and I know why but cant do anything to help

We cut our holiday short this week because she was going downhill fast and didnt want to stay. I had planned to be away until Friday so she was occupied and not thinking about it.

She has melted down this morning over not being able to have a coloured door key, apparently our lock is too old And over not wanting me to have a cushion on the sofa!!

We need to make a new visual timetable for the mornings but not sure its a good idea, what do you all think?

Great news polter. Your Ds is doing so well talking to different adults about the issues he is having and fingers crossed that the LSA can make sure that the PITA's are dealt with.

Hope everyone has a good weekend

Dd3 and I are going to look at some caravans!! We have decided we need one

Senco emailed me back at 9pm to say Dd3 will have one to one at AT if thats what she needs!! Am slightly in shock

Dd3 has got to the end of the half term at school. She is now on residential for 3 days!!

This exact week last year, she was in complete school refusal and the HT of her old school "Couldnt find a space in his diary" to meet with us until after half term

Dd3 is currently like a different child, I am afraid to celebrate because it has all gone horribly wrong before.

But we have told her how proud we are and have everything crossed that things will carry on as they are

Great news Ineed, well done to your DD. DD is doing better than expected, but we have had a couple of episode of near-school-refusal (she did get in eventually). Have you got any tips on this?

Yes, Molly she is probably exhausted, I know Dd3 is, we have done lots of early nights with a DVD and several nights recently she has fallen asleep long before 9 which is unheard of.

Does looking forward to a reward work with your Dd? It doesnt with mine as she would rather miss outon the reward than go to school [last yr] But it can help to motivate some Dc's

Well done to all of them, for making it through the first and probably the hardest half term

No rewards don't work , if she is in the framework that she won't do something nothing will make her change her mind. Was your DD able to get into school last year or was she staying at home on bad days?

She was staying at home! I cant use positive reinforcement bribery strategies with her and anyway I had come to the conclusion that if she really couldnt cope I shouldnt force her as I was worried about her mental health.

She ended up with 33 absences last year but because the school wouldnt admit that there was a problem the HT authorised them all

Her new school have said that they would support us if she needed time away from school but that they would want to try removing her from lessons into the safe haven if things got rough first.

So far luckily we havent needed to do either.

polter I don't know why, just I think it is all a lot for her. I spoke to the school and hoping they are going to support her more. It is just so difficult for them to do much because she is so good at hiding her difficulties.
Ineed Has the school got anything in place for your daughter? Did I read earlier on that she has her own TA?

Sorry molly thought I had answered this but my phone obviously hasnt worked properly.

Dd3 doesn't have a TA, she does have a Key Person who is a TA but who only checks in with her during form times so morning and afternoon. Dd3 hasnt really bonded with her but she seems good at her job making sure Dd3 knows about any changes and checking that she has everything she needs.

She has bonded well with another TA too who is based in the student support centre/safe haven. she can go there at lunch time or break and if things go pear shaped in class time she can work in there too for short periods.

Dd3 is also very good at hiding her difficulties and so far her boat hasnt been rocked so she has been doing really well with not a huge amount of support.

Fingers crossed this will continue

Dd3 has survived residential, she seems to have enjoyed it but was extremely tired so had food and shower and is now asleep

Well done to everyone for making it through to halfterm and - wow - coping with a residential too Ineed. I feel a bit cheating joining in here two as mine are in SS & have a lot less to cope with but they too have survived the half-term.

Amazingly, we had no problems with ds2 going in this week despite his brother being off. Infact the problems were more ds1 feeling uncomfortable about going out in case he was accused for skiving off school. He did manage it though although his anxiety levels have clearly gone up a level or two since being at the new school but I hope this will settle down as it becomes more routine for him. ds2 is becoming more settled although was wound up last night because school is making changes to the school day which will mean loss of lunchtime clubs which I think is perhaps a bit short-sighted.

We are hoping to go off on holiday to Cornwall later today so anxiety levels are running high and I should be packing rather than mumsnetting - think I will have a cup of coffee first to stir me into action.

Ineed: thank you, that's really useful, it has given me ideas in case things get worse after half-term (hopefully just tiredness though) and wow to the residential trip!

Well done to all the kids (MS or SS ) and to us too!!
I have to say I am glad to have a bit of a breather and not to have to worry about the school run or the homework for a whole week!!

I dont think it matters if it is MS or SS one a new school is a new school and your Ds's have had more than their fair share of c..p to deal with, including your Ds1's worse than useless transition!!

I hope you managed to get away to cornwall, we are also away in the lakes, I dragged Dd3 out of bed at 6am to drive here
We have been for a lovely walk to a waterfall this afternoon

Really hope everyone has a good week and gets some chilling time before they go back, they have all done brilliantly

So, after a lovely but busy half term, Dd3 went into meltdown yesterday afternoon, stressing about her music lessons

By 8 pm she had worked herself up into a hysterical mess and then puked!

I suggested that she left her beloved saxophone at home and we try to sort out the problems before she tries again.

I think it is one of those situations where she requires a teacher who can teach to her style of learning and not expect her to be flexible!

Anyway, I emailed the senco and she said she would speak to the head of music.

Dd3 went into school ok and seems to have had a good day!

Ho hum

How did everyone else get on going back today?

Oh dear - hope you manage to get it sorted Ineed. Am very glad that mine do not do the puking bit alongside the meltdowns. Both went back to school OK today and we managed to get away last week which was nice (well apart from the fog).

Great news that you managed to get away one, we also went away and had great fun exploring ruined castles and a waterfall in the Lake District/Howgills.

I havent had a reply from the music teacher so may have to email again tomorrow. I really think we need a face to face meeting to decide on the best way forward. I am not going to allow Dd3's creativity to be squashed because a teacher wants her to read dots off a page!!
It may be that I will have to find her a better teacher.

Glad your Ds was ok going back polter and hope you can sort the conflicting computer thing out.

Fantastic news polter, it is so good that the senco is recognising that your Ds needs support even though he is doing so well!!

I still havent spoken to the music teacher
Was hoping he might have emailed by now!

On my list of things to do later

Good news about the SENCO polter less so about the bullying but hope it can be sorted out.

We are trying to work out why ds1 has been a bit more anxious of late so having lots of conversations with school staff - at least they are responding to our suggestions. He has come home with a DVD of him and his classmates acting which is good to see what he has been doing. Not sure the subject matter (soldiers) was entirely suitable but he looked like he was having fun. Strange as he never play acts anything at home.

Feeling down today

Sent Dd3 on her trip on the understanding that she would have adult support! It was changed the day before from one to one to a group with 3 adults which I was fine about but I asked them to ensure that she new who she was meant to be with.

Then on the day, she is allowed to go off in a small group with 4 boys, in a packed theme park and for at least 3 hours it was dark

I want to be angry but actually I am just sad