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Original poster

To soak ds1 in disinfectant?

134 replies

hiddenhome · 17/09/2012 20:37

ds1 has pooed in the bath Sad He's taken a whole load of plastic figures in there, played with them and there's faecal bits floating around in there now.

I've drained the bath, swilled him down with warm water and am now refilling it with disinfectant in.

I'm disgusted Angry

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 17/09/2012 22:22

first things first, could you list a few symptoms he has and things he needs extra help with and any thing you think is relivant.

that way we can help you find a way to word it we could start with a letter to LA then GP then CAMHS as they will probally be pretty simmerler.

can you take photocopies of his dx letter to enclose and see if the private clinic has a web page so we or you can see if we can find out any proffesional registrations the docs there have as stuff like that could be helpfull

anditwasallyellow · 17/09/2012 22:24

Op can I just give you a Wine or a Brew and a Biscuit depending on your preference.

I work for childrens services and cannot believe that you haven't been offered more help and support, I would suggest seeing another GP if that's a possibility.

Can you find out if you have an Integrated Family Support team in your area as they can advocate with service on your behalf. You could also try Social Services as they can arse kick all of the other services into gear. He's definitely not nearly an adult he's a child, poor kid and poor you.

JeezyOrangePips · 17/09/2012 22:24

Considering the op hasn't acknowledged that it wasn't the right thing to do, yes, I think it was necessary.

I have read the thread. I understand that the op must be under a huge amount of pressure. I very much hope that she gets the help she needs.

But she asked the question, and I answered it honestly.

Socknickingpixie · 17/09/2012 22:25

things like bowel control and if it only happens in the bath does he have problems with it in other circumstances either not being able to or not in the correct place?

ilikemysleep · 17/09/2012 22:27

hidden I am so sorry you haven't had any help from CAMHS. Could this be because you need to 'lead them' in the referral letter - if there isn't sufficient information they won't know which team to allocate his case to. For example, if you just refer for soiling they might re-direct you to continence services - which might be helpful, but isn't what you are after. Or if for challenging behaviour they might start looking at parenting etc...

You need to contact the school nurse with a specific list of his difficulties, preferably written down and with permission for her to forward on to the relevant department at CAMHs. If you want a ?ASD assessment say so, and give the evidence that leads you to think he may be on the spectrum. For example, for my son I put things like:

  • history of echoed speech as a toddler
  • used to get very distressed by minor happenings such as computer crashing, this would cause a panic reaction with hyperventillating, slightly better now but find this sort of thing very difficult
  • Unable to greet or say good bye to people, even family
  • has small circle of close friends who are supportive, but ignores most other children

etc etc
This was enough for the CAMHS team to see that there was grounds for my request. I did mine through the GP but if yours is useless the school nurse or pead can refer as well.

My other DS has toiletting issues...he is 5 and wets multiple times a week...I can't stand the thought of it continuing into teenagerhood :(

Good luck

Socknickingpixie · 17/09/2012 22:30

jeezy you are totally missing the point, what do you think the op should do? beg forgiveness for adding detol to the bath or do you seriously think she had enough of it to bath him in it neat

Original poster
hiddenhome · 17/09/2012 22:33

this is the clinic

His behaviours are varied and include:

Very emotionally immature
Poor self control
Very loud and bossy
Talks 'at' you rather than 'with' you ifyswim
Argues constantly
Clumsy
Disorganised
Doesn't learn from mistakes - doesn't seem to be any progression - no learning seems to take place - if he makes a mistake, he'll just keep repeating it - can't remember etc. Similiar to looking after a person with dementia - he just seems to be a set of preprogrammed behaviours rather than a person. Stressful to look after him. Better on a one to one basis. Family dayouts are a nightmare, but he's not too bad if you take him out alone.
Can't concentrate
Messy
Uncoordinated
Forgets things
Is 'difficult' - has a very tricky personality - always has done.
Used to talk about the same subjects all the time, but this has improved lately.
Overeats - asks for food constantly - enjoys talking about food and planning his next meal all the time.
Can't tolerate boredom at all - very 'driven' physically.
Poor at sports
Can't dress properly - always looks messy - has trouble with shoelaces etc.
Talks very loudly to himself
Disruptive - seems to enjoy tormenting us - can't recognise when we've had enough or are becoming stressed.

I guess there are other things I've forgotten at the moment. I know a lot of teens are like this naturally, but he's been like this since he was a toddler. He used to be worse, but has settled down a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
hiddenhome · 17/09/2012 22:35

He used to poo his pants a bit, but that seems to be okay now. The bath thing has always been there. He says he can't help it.

Oh, and he also lies and lies and lies about things. He hides stuff too. He never takes responsibility for any wrongdoing. He'll just blame others.

OP posts:
DoubleYew · 17/09/2012 22:36

Write a list of everything that concerns you. Look up the symptoms of whatever you think he might have and see how many of these he has.

I did this when going to see gp after reading about it on here. Worked a treat as you don't panic about forgetting the important bits and she asked to keep the list to help when writing the referal.

VodkaKnockers · 17/09/2012 22:38

hidden you have just described DS1 who is 9 Sad

We are currently going through CAHMS at the mo but, like you, are not having much luck.

We have also had SW on at us as they think his issues are down to parenting and had us on every parenting course going. Hasn't made a blind bit of difference.

DoubleYew · 17/09/2012 22:38

X post. Put the most serious first and use specific examples to show its not just usual teenager PITA-ness.

JeezyOrangePips · 17/09/2012 22:38

Okay, yes. I'm missing the point by answering the ops question.

Apologies.

Shoot me for thinking its wrong to clean a child with a substance not meant for human skin. And answering the op accordingly.

I won't be drawn into a debate on this as it will not in any way help, so I'm leaving the thread.

Good luck op, I very much hope you get the help you need, for your sake and for your sons sake.

Original poster
hiddenhome · 17/09/2012 22:41

Oh, crikey Vodka we had to go on a parenting course too Sad This is how they fob you off! We've also had our parenting assessed and it came back fine. We have another child and he's fine.

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 17/09/2012 22:51

okey dokey so we now have something to start with, does he have any visable things as well other than pooing in the bath stuff like hand - eye coordination,issues dressing is he prone to any illnesses anything at all you can think of even if you think its not related its worth including as it may be.

an example im thinking of is one of my kids has scalp probs this is not a symptom of asd but its as a direct result of asd because he wanted to try and do his own hair in the bath but as he wasnt able to do it propally he ended up with a skin problem we are now treating him for.

does that make sense do you know what i mean?

Markingthehours · 17/09/2012 22:55

OP you can demand ask for his GP to refer to a paediatrician. (Tell them about the poo incident - give them the list you did of his difficulties). They have to do this. If they resist explain that you think your son needs assessment by a specialist.

Don't forget you also now have the right to register with a GP out of the area.

Perhaps if you could say where your local hospital is mners can recommend a paediatrician. The one at our local hosp is very very good - like a jack russell! - and won't give up until he's got a dx that is accurate.

VodkaKnockers · 17/09/2012 22:57

I'm actually seeing CAHMS tomorrow and I'm taking a list of all his issues.

It really knocks it out of you when someone who has never met you criticises your parenting.

We were referred to Barnardos PACe project for family therapy who were really good. Really listened to our issues and agreed that they were was no parenting issues present. Not good enough for SW though.

Yet they have no issue with DS2 parenting. Have praised me on occasions for it.

Currently feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Socknickingpixie · 17/09/2012 23:05

hidden, i have to go and have a bath now as ive just been vomited on if i can i will come back on befor i go to bed but might not be able to, i will defo be back tomorrow afternoon and see if i can compose something for you to tweak as needed.

VodkaKnockers · 17/09/2012 23:08

Sorry for the hijack hidden

Mumblepot26 · 17/09/2012 23:52

Ditto to sleepy's post. OP is ths post for real?

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 18/09/2012 00:00

Mumble, Hidden is a regular so it's safe to assume it's for real. She sounds very upset and rightly so.

thekidsrule · 18/09/2012 00:01

going of thread slightly,but theres nothing wrong with adding a capful of dettol to a bath to bath in have been doing it once a week for years and know many that do

op you sound like you have had a very stressful time for a long time you and your family clearly are crying out for help

keep posting as ive learnt there are many on here that have to deal with the "system" and they know their stuff and are very supportive

i wish you and your family much luck and hope you recieve the support your family deserves

MadameCastafiore · 18/09/2012 00:20

Are you sure that your Camhs service deals with a aspergers and autism? Ours aren't commissioned to. We have funded the testing out of area though to get diagnosis and then funded appropriate placement.

BenibatchCumberdict · 18/09/2012 07:19

Was it Dettol? I don't think it has been specified, and it was mentioned that it was a product that wasn't supposed to be used on the skin. From what the op said it doesn't sound like Dettol, which has no such 'not on the skin' warnings.

Empusa · 18/09/2012 08:18

"I could change practices I suppose, but would they be any better at a new place?"

It's worth a try. We changed practice when we kept being fobbed off, our new practice is really good. Well worth travelling the extra distance.

Original poster
hiddenhome · 18/09/2012 11:36

Bloody hell, yes I'm real Sad I've referred to his problems since I started here.

This has been going on for 12 years and our lives are blighted by stuff like this. No holidays, no family days out, constant angst, stress, arguments. He's caused over £100 worth of damage to various things in the last week - all accidental apparently Sad He's a disaster zone and we're constantly on eggshells.

OP posts: