I can't do this any more. My child is awful.

[GrownUp2012]

Just woken up to my DD (3.5) laughing and playing, so got up to put her back to bed (she wakes frequently) and found her with one of the rabbits on her bed. She was playing with him, which roughly translates as hitting him for a reaction. He was very distressed so I removed him and she followed me shouting at me, climbed over behind the sofa and was screaming that she wouldn't go to bed. I've settled the rabbit, and will have him at the vets first thing, but it took me twenty minutes and my DP getting up and taking over to get her into bed. She had a massive meltdown and was screaming, kicking and telling me she hated me. I admit I wasn't calm, but I have reached my limit.

She has never slept properly and takes the opportunity to get up and do things she shouldn't. I am currently in talks with her school because she is hurting children at school, mostly biting them, but also pinching and hitting. I've been trying to convince the HV that there is something that she needs support and help with since she was about one years old. Her teacher has finally seen it, and has noted the worsening in behaviour with lack of sleep, and asked if she has been referred. HV has once again postponed me with a group to attend and an appointment in late March to see if it has helped. Short of seeing a doctor and telling them I don't know what to do anymore I'm stuck.

I've been advised locking her in her room is illegal, I did do this for a while and her sleep improved, but on being informed I have stopped. We have door handles on upside down and out of her reach but she must have climbed up this evening on something. I am going to have to fit a lock to downstairs today.

I'm ill at the moment, on a medication changeover and in crisis with my mental health due to what I think is a bad reaction to medication, but this has been relatively well hidden from her.

I just don't know what to do any more, can I call social services for myself? Will they support me? How do I help a child with behavioural problems when I can't get people to listen?

I think I am going to have a breakdown of some sorts because I cannot handle dealing with this any more.

Agree with everyone else, you do need professional help. I have known plenty of bad sleepers (including my own!) but not with this associated bad behaviour at night time.

Shiney My DS was like this and he is going through the final assessments for ASD too.

OP however the only way to find out what is going on is to have her assessed. Go to your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

Yep I post in SN quite often too, I've probably been helped by her! I want an AS dx as it explains everything and will help us to access services and help and will also help him to understand himself.

OP if there is "something" it won't change who she is, just gives a name to her behaviours. On the other hand there might not be anything. However I have to say I wish I had started the ball rolling at your daughter's age rather than at 5 as it has given me an extra 2 years of questioning myself.

I wish I'd seen a thread like this when my daughter was small too. Someone else on another parenting forum suggest getting her assessed for autism when she was 14. All those lost years :(

do not give up,sounds like my ds was,he is now 6 and more manageable but not easy.

I took him to the gps as the health visitor sent me on a parenting course after having 4 children,I was a little offended and waited for him to have one of his screaming meltdowns,sort of engineered so he could see what life was like within the family home.He was very shocked at it and how it was unmanageable and agreed something was not right and amazingly enough we got a fairly quick referral to a paed.I think sometimes the docs need to actually see it as we as Parents might lie about such things.

Anyway like I said don't give up,it won't change who your child is but it will give you coping strategies to manage things,nag nag nag at your healthcare professionals.I am going back to mine as he is becoming unmanageable as he ages again.

Although it sounds very much like there are other issues in your case OP, which require proper exploration, I just wanted to note something that came up when I saw a consultant psychiatrist for a while (PND). He said he occasionally locked his own children (3 and 4ish ) in their rooms when they got up and disturbed him and his wife multiple times a night for no real reason and nothing else worked. He is not the only medical professional I know to do so. I would take a expert in psychiatry's stance over some (probably) busybody muppets from the Children's centre. A bathroom-style bolt which can be quickly opened rather than a lock requiring a key would probably be best, saves all the panic about "what if there was a fire?" I would, however, do it as absolute last resort not just as an easy solution.

I wish you luck.

Thank you all so much.

I've been to the vets with the rabbits, the one with the injured paw has had an anti-inflammatory injection to help, it's not broken just bruised, so hopefully will heal quickly and he'll get over the shock of playtime with DD.

I saw the GP for myself, he says that I have very good support in the community, that if I wanted he could call the mental health team for an assessment for hospital admission. I declined and told him that it would be less stressful at the moment to be at home and deal with the issues until my next appointment with the CMHT which is Tuesday.

I bumped into my mum in the waiting room, and cried all over her, she's actually a degree qualified mental health nurse who works to provide step two intervention and guided self help, so she was able to talk me down a bit and has offered to have my DD for the day (and maybe overnight) and that she would discuss it with her partner - he had a brain haemorrhage in October and is very irritable so may not be able to cope with DD overnight - and if he's okay she'll have her there, and if not she'll have her round at her old house to give me a break.

I am going to take some time out now to write in her behaviour diary, which I started last week when her teacher asked if she has been referred because of the sleep problems. I will speak to the teacher when I pick her up today and explain my concerns, and ask her if the school can do anything. I am contacting the HV also, just to be log the behaviour and discuss making the house safer for all.

I worry because whilst this behaviour is obviously extreme, in comparison to many I know I would describe her symptoms of any of the aforementioned special needs as mild, she's very high functioning and manipulative, almost like she chooses when to behave badly rather than can't help it, and she fools many people for a long time. Only those who have had sustained, prolonged contact with her see the side of her I am describing to you. My partner, my close friend, my cousin and my mother all agree with me, but the HV and even her school teacher haven't seen the truly awful stuff she can do. My DP's sister got a crash course in it, babysitting her overnight, she put vaporub "eye makeup" on her eighteen month old little girl, then had a screaming fit when she was told to go to bed.

I start a parenting course on the 20th of next month, so hopefully by attacking it on all sides I'll feel a bit better soon. Love her to pieces, she's a real character. I call her Marmite in my head, she's that kind of person.

I am bloody exhausted now, got to grab an hour or two sleep before pickup
from nursery. I spent three years being told, it'll improve when she's in school, she's very intelligent, she just needs lots of stimulation, to now thinking will she ever improve because lots of stimulation just makes her more demanding in other ways. The bloody school run for example, I am guaranteed she will lie down in protest at sore legs at least three times a journey. Even in snow and puddles.

Having a reason for it would feel so much better than just worrying that she might be not very nice. Understanding why and how to help her would ease my mind so much. Right now I try to just keep it simple. Morning routine, school, pick up, dinner, bath bed. Lots of time warnings, describing what we are going to do, learning to recognise trigger points (mostly transitions from one thing to another) and to try to head things off before they become problems.

Could you clarify for me whether autism is the same thing as aspergers? My mother has mentioned that I had similar behavioural issues as a child (and obviously still have issues now) and has mentioned aspergers previously as explanation for some of my stranger behaviours. I just think I was born with a faulty personality which isn't helped by how I grew up, so obviously you can see why I am worried about DD if I am thirty (just about) and the way I am.

Does she ever wake up and try and come in your bed? COuld she be scared at nighttime and took the rabbit for comfort?

My ds is three and still wakes up and crawls beside me. Every night.

GrownUp2012 it does sound like you have been under a lot of pressure, and you must be really suffering if your doctor has suggested an inpatient admission as an option. I know you say that this is mostly hidden from your dd, but if she is bright, she may be very perceptive. Do you think it's possible that she is picking up more then you realise? That part of her behaviour could be a reaction to circumstances?

What happens if you stay in the bedroom with her, lie down with her?

I don't think the vapurub incident is so unusual - I know other children who have rubbed vaporub all over themselves, and others who have rubbed sudocreme onto their sibling. I don't think a three year old would realise vaporub is dangerous around the eyes.

Please rehome the rabbits!

She has no language delay, if anything she has talked since she was very young. But the night waking, fidgeting and excessive energy (she watches TV whilst doing headstands over and over usually and cannot sit through a meal), poor eating habits, not being tired, playing with toys in the dark, singing, finding things to get into like bleach, tablets, shampoo, makeup, anything she knows she shouldn't, even if it means climbing multiple stair gates and bookcases and working out intricate locks, hurting other children in frustration (she's been biting since she was one), poor impulse control, lack of danger awareness, manipulative behaviour, deliberate damage or injuring in retaliation to being disciplined (big one), planning ahead naughtiness (hiding crayons to draw on walls), deliberately winding other children up for a reaction... that's a good description of the bad stuff.

When diagnosing ADD, they do not only look at the 'bad' stuff.

What parts of her behaviour do you consider to be normal?

I'll print it off for the doctor. I'm not very good at communicating with them.

She plays really well, her current favourite is brushing barbie hair, she makes them do voices and is really cute to listen to, she tends to repeat situations she sees and it's funny seeing myself, especially as she takes my role as mummy and the barbie is the little girl. She likes to draw, dance to music and swim. She has no fear of water in her face and is like a little fish, throwing herself around and splashing all over the place. She loves to be around people, I think she prefers adults as she gets frustrated with kids her age, but anyone will do. She talks to random people, and other kids are like automatic friends, and babies she is really lovely to, quite motherly. She is highly intelligent, although not showing an interest in anything like reading or writing as of yet (her brother is particularly advance, so I think she's probably just normal there).

She loves play dough so much she always seems to have some in her hair. She likes to be the best at everything too, perfectionist like her mum.

Yes print it all out if that will help you remember when to say to the doctor.