I can't do this any more. My child is awful.

[GrownUp2012]

Just woken up to my DD (3.5) laughing and playing, so got up to put her back to bed (she wakes frequently) and found her with one of the rabbits on her bed. She was playing with him, which roughly translates as hitting him for a reaction. He was very distressed so I removed him and she followed me shouting at me, climbed over behind the sofa and was screaming that she wouldn't go to bed. I've settled the rabbit, and will have him at the vets first thing, but it took me twenty minutes and my DP getting up and taking over to get her into bed. She had a massive meltdown and was screaming, kicking and telling me she hated me. I admit I wasn't calm, but I have reached my limit.

She has never slept properly and takes the opportunity to get up and do things she shouldn't. I am currently in talks with her school because she is hurting children at school, mostly biting them, but also pinching and hitting. I've been trying to convince the HV that there is something that she needs support and help with since she was about one years old. Her teacher has finally seen it, and has noted the worsening in behaviour with lack of sleep, and asked if she has been referred. HV has once again postponed me with a group to attend and an appointment in late March to see if it has helped. Short of seeing a doctor and telling them I don't know what to do anymore I'm stuck.

I've been advised locking her in her room is illegal, I did do this for a while and her sleep improved, but on being informed I have stopped. We have door handles on upside down and out of her reach but she must have climbed up this evening on something. I am going to have to fit a lock to downstairs today.

I'm ill at the moment, on a medication changeover and in crisis with my mental health due to what I think is a bad reaction to medication, but this has been relatively well hidden from her.

I just don't know what to do any more, can I call social services for myself? Will they support me? How do I help a child with behavioural problems when I can't get people to listen?

I think I am going to have a breakdown of some sorts because I cannot handle dealing with this any more.

So soory you're feeling like this, I know it's hard.
As a short term answer to the escaping at night thing, you can get extra tall stairgates to put at the door. I think they are marketed as dog gates. Portage are the people your DD's preschool should make a referal too, they help with behavioral problems. saw my DS when he was hitting, not joining in etc when younger. He's fine now, but still extra spirited, some tough parenting has been needed.

I am picking up a lock for the living room door so that she has no access to downstairs any more, the rabbits will not be unsupervised in her presence. The measures in place before were not effective unfortunately. As house rabbits there are only so many places I can keep them, I may also get padlocks for their cages so that she cannot get them out again. Please be assured that I did not risk their well being by being neglectful, simply that my daughter outsmarted the measures in place to keep her away.

Stairgates are a no-go, she scales them like a monkey, using her bare feet to grip. I was looking for some sort of alarm system for when she opened her bedroom door so I could be woken and not miss her.

Oh well, there goes that bright idea. OP has it the right way round.

First port of call is your GP who needs to refer you to a community paed and the rest of the multidisciplinary team; portage etc.

Keep your chin up - get an appointment today and you have started to sort things out.

cheap, loud alarm

Something like that goes off when the door is opened, it'll not help with your sleep, but it will wake you up if her door opens.

a stairgate like that would be very hard to climb as it's fabric and there's not enough purchase to grip with your feet as it flexes...it is expensive, but you can get used ones on ebay.

LOL, the bottom gate might work if I could afford it. The alarm looks great, I might get a few and booby trap the house.

I see the doctors for her on the 3rd Feb. Today for me.

I would go to your GP with her you sound on your last nerve , ask for help , demand it , have you considered a gate on her room door to keep her in , no other advice , i think a locked room is a bit dangerous but i think if its for her own safety then ,,,,,,

You can get bells that sound when you open the door, like when you enter an old fashioned shop. They do electric ones so you could wire the bell bit into your bedroom so she won't wake the whole house if she opens her door.

I got one from the local electrical and lighting shop. I think it cost about £15-20 iirc.

Poor poor you you sound as if you havr poured heart and soul into your dd and couldnt have done much more. I'm just wondering if her behaviour has worsened since you got together with DP as you mention bringing her up on your own for the first couple of years. Could she be jealous of your newish relationship - you mention too about stabbing stepbrother with a pencil. How old is he? Could she perceive him as a threat? Other posters will have more experience of step family issues than I do, but maybe she is feeling sidelined even though im sure you have done nothing to let her feel that!

On the rhinitis issue, my dd has suffered terribly with this too. And with awful night-time coughing that wakes her up - and the rest of the
family too. She was prescribed inhalers but I was loath to let her use them too often. We just last week bought a humidifier, put it at the end of
her bed and the difference is amazing. It puffs out cold slightly wet air and she e is sleeping much more calmly. Fwiw, she is much less mucusy when she has soya milk and yogs and as little dairy as possible...,'

Good luck and don't despair...

Sorry for typos - the old one-handed typing on phone while breast feeding.

I hate to say this because I don't want to worry you, but my daughter was the same at that age. I tried everything you mention, locking her in, locks on doors downstairs (still do now and she's 18). I went through my gp, hv, school and even contacted social services myself, many times over many years. They only ever said that there wasn't anything wrong really, I just needed to improve my parenting, cue another parenting course.

Moved to a different country. Same problems. Tried yet again to get some help or support. Daughter properly assessed (for the first time) and diagnosed with autism. The point being, trust your insticts. I got palmed off for 15 years, don't let them do it to you. You know your daughter and you know something isn't right.

DD has a stairgate on her door from Mothercare and most adults have trouble opening it!! My kids could open the Lindham ones!!

You have mentioned Asthma and Rhinitus, have you considered the Rabbit causing her a problem allergy wise? DS has a real problem with pet hair as does DP. Whats being done about the Rhinitus as thats horrible, very painfull and makes me grumpy cant imagine how a child must feel.

Also with the preventer inhaler - they take two weeks to get into the system so wont really help if used only during a respiratory episode - do you have an asthma nurse at your surgery? An asthma cough at night will disturb her sleep.

You poor thing

The gates are shockingly expensive, I know, they're about half that second hand, but having seen it in place at my neighbour's, I can't see them being climbed as there's just nowhere to put feet and if you try to push the middle of it, it moves in.

Obviously you want help for her, and the GP is where I would start, but knowing you'll be woken up if she leaves her room will stop some of the stress.

If you're not sleeping because of the situation and having to get up to her as well (I assume it's not a one off) don't underestimate how much sleep deprivation affects you, it can make you erratic even with no underlying mental health condition...lack of sleep makes everything harder to cope with.

Hi there.

Just thought I would mention my experience of inhalers. DS was given both brown inhaler and blue inhaler to have two puffs morning and night starting in mid december.

Prior to this point he was a well behaved 3year old boy who went to bed straight to sleep at 7pm every night.

This all changed almost immediately, he would not go to bed, he would not sleep, he would scream, be up all night with nightmares, screaming, or sometimes just excuses or just playing with his toys. Also during the day he went from a well behaved (usually) boy to a very naughty boy who would not do as he was told, was cheeky, unkind and basically I did not recognise him at all as the same child he had changed so much. I asked his pre-school teacher if she had noticed any change in his behaviour and she said that she did not recognise him as the same child as his behaviour had deteriorated so much.

We went to the GP who advised us to stop these inhalers straight away and that we would work together to find an alternative as there are so many different types of medication and inhalers for different types of asthma.

Anyway, I am sharing this with you incase any of this information could be useful to you. If my son had not normally been so well behaved and had not normally slept so well I might not have noticed that it started at prescisely the same time as he started the inhalers.

Obviously I would rather have a naughty child that doesn't sleep than one that has respiratory problems but there are different types of inhalers and medications that might not have these side effects.

I know this might sound daft, but re the rhinitis...
My whole life I have suffered with inner ear problems, c

I meant to clarify, DP & DS rhinitus is usually brought on by pollen, dust or pet hair.

Maybe you need to think about a new home for the rabbit?

I've not read the whole thread, but could you ask for her to be referred to CAMHS?

I know this might sound daft, but re the rhinitis...
My whole life I have suffered with inner ear problems, cOnstant sinusitis, and real bad hay fever/allergic rhinitis.
This was cured a while back, in it's entirety by having Grommits fitted! The biggest fix was the hayfever/rhinitis. My doctor thinks I'm bonkers, but it really has stopped! Inner ear problems can have a big effect on sleep, apnoea is very common, causing you to wake up when you take the next in breath. Sleep deprivation may be contributing toward her behaviour. Snoring can also wake you.
Anyway. Poor you, it sounds like you are having a rough time. I've nothing to add really, just get both of you to the doctor And keep going until you get some results. Stamp your feet and make a fuss until someone listens.
And the rabbit thing? Rabbits where top of the list of things that triggered my rhinitis.

You sound at the end of your tether, and the GP appointment is a good idea. Take written evidence/timeline if you can, as you can then leave it for the gp to look at, or forward to the pead?

Some items which might help keep her safe in the meantime:

www.fledglings.org.uk/docs/pdf/brochure.pdf

Page 20 (on my laptop) has a door/window alarm and pager - £55

Page 21 has an 'airclip' where you can lock the door slightly ajar, so the child can see out. £9

Good point about the rabbit and allergies. My dh had undiagnosed allergies for years and his constantly blocked nose stopped him from sleeping. He is allergic to small animals, so our rabbit (now dead) and guinea pigs are kept at the back of the garden.

The gate linked is great. I had one for my DS. He never managed to open it or climb it. Ours was from ebay at around £35.

You have plenty of great advice here, I cannot add anything to it besides to please reconsider having any pets at all until your daughter is older and does not hurt them.

I would also ask about a CAHMS referral. Glad you have GP appointment. No specific advice here otherwise but I do feel for you and hope this gets sorted.

As long as the brown one is Atrovent and not Becotide