Really seem to be feeling it at the moment

[Thomcat]

Could be down to many things, new baby and lack of sleep the main things.

Just really feeling Lottie's special needs.
Her lack of communication, her dependence on me, everything, just seems to be so obvious right now.

My dad said today when he saw me a bit... blue for the first time in a long time, he said something about not having had the tests with her and things being different if I had, can't remeber exactly how it was worded but , perhaps it's more a matter of me blanking out what he siad. He adores Lottie, massivley, but he can see me with my shoulders dropped, I'm not myself and he's being my dad, worrying about me etc, but.....

She's just so much harder work right now, she's had a massive change in her life, end of school for Xmas, Xmas itself, a birthday, a cold, late nights, and mainly a new baby. She's clingy, bored, etc etc.

But the language thing is getting to me the last few dyas, her clinging, her whining, her getting frustrated, ...... It's just so emotionally draining.

I'm begining to see how hard it is, and will continue to be.

i know I still have it so much easier than some and I love her to pieces and when it's good, it's really, really good, just that when it's bad, it's horrid.

oh babe, big hugs from me too.Your emotions are totally understandable to me. take care x

Oh, TC, sorry, I missed this - how are you feeling now?

I think MotherInferior has touched on something important.

It is ok to be happy that the baby does not have DS, and that is NO REFLECTION on the fact that Lottie does. Being relieved that you are not having to take on the work of meeting a whole new set of special needs are about the pressure of need on you, not about how much you love Lottie. Special needs describes needs, not the person who has them - and who meets those needs? you - and it can be very very hard work. Not having the capacity to meet anymore needs has nothing to do with how much you love Lottie. It is also, I believe, ok to be sad that lottie does have SN, and can't communicate at a typical level etc, and while being sad, still loving her. Sadness is not the same as regret, and that is perhaps where your Dad has got himself a bit confused.

Also, I remember clearly one of my good friends saying how guilty she felt because in the first weeks of her new baby she just felt angry with her 2 year old for making any demands at all. Sort of 'you've had your turn. let me concentrate on the baby for a while'. It seems common, and it certainly passes.

Do I have to check member profiles to see if the baby has a permanent name?

XXXXXXX

Hi Blu - good to 'see you'. Feeling much better, got myself out of the house a lot since feeling the way I did and saw people etc. lottie is a lot happier, so so am I. School starts on Tuesday and things will improve again. Tonight she is staying at her Godmothers and D took her out to see Narnia today. I think we were all a bit bored with having nice lazy days at home, socialising certinly seems to have helped us both. Her SN's aren't any different but she's not whinging anymore and she's not wearing me down the way I felt she was for a bit. All in all, it's okay again

Oh TC have only just seen this thread (was searching on your name to see if you had named the baby!)
I am so sorry you are feeling like this but I think that, as ever, MI and Aloha talk a lot of sense.
It's very hard having a 2nd baby, however much-wanted she is, and it does throw everything upside down for a while. But it will get better. Take some time for yourself if you can.
And secondly, MI and Blu are right about the feelings about Lottie's DS. It's fine to be happy that your new dd doesn't have DS. It doesn't mean you love Lottie any less. As Aloha puts it, being glad that child B doesn't have the difficulty child A has does not make us love any of them any less, maybe it even makes us love them more. Lottie will talk, she will walk, she will continue to amaze you every day. We all know how much you love her so she surely does.
Glad to see from later posts that you're feeling better.