Oh dear god, all this over a stopwatch??

[Triggles]

DS2 has been obsessed the last couple days with a stopwatch that we got in a free games pack. We've let him play with it, no big deal. But DH set it down somewhere today, and now we can't find it and DS2 is having a meltdown. And of course, DH is having one as well, doing the whole "laying down the law" crap, which we all know works sooooo well with children with ASD, eh? So DH shouting and swearing, DS2 screaming and crying... DS3 unbelievably (thankfully) sleeping through it all. I'm trying to calm DS2 and telling DH to stop shouting and swearing as he's just making it all worse....

Yep... right old fun time here tonight. I need a drink.

Triggles, why do they always seem to moan at US when the tiny ones one sleep. As though we have done it on purpose. As if we dont care that they are still awake. As if we have done something wrong tonight by not getting them to sleep. I never ever moan at DH if DS wont sleep. Why would I? I do wonder if its where DS gets his lack of empathy.

DH has gone to AA tonight so I get a nice quiet evening to worry. Last time he went to this particular AA meeting he fell asleep half way through and walked out without saying anything to anyone. He had just started his Bipolar meds and they made him look very very drunk. Part of me finds that very very funny that the whole room will think he was drunk and will be saying yeah yeah when he says it was just his new meds....

Moose, unfortunately all the adults in my work are arrogant twats who are so far up their own arses that they cant see daylight. They dont talk, unless its about cricket or some shit.

But yes, for a few days at least I can just drink tea, sit in silence and do training modules on my laptop.

Then after a few days grace the pressure will start mounting! Hells bells. Must stop thinking about it!

smug - yes, and he gets defensive and shouty as soon as I say anything. So I've come upstairs now. Managed to get DS3 off to sleep (he just wanted a cuddle, his music toy, and his teddy lined up for him on the bed), and tuck DS2 back into bed. They're both now asleep. 5-10 minutes. That's all it took. DH would have let him cry for ages.

And then he brings up the other day when he was shouting and kept waking up DS3 from his nap, so I told him to take DS2 outside for a bit in the garden to play. DS3 was fussing, but wiggling around on his bed trying to get comfortable and starting to self settle a bit, and DH yells up the stairs "are you going to let him keep crying or get him up?" grrrrrrrrrrr Startled DS3 and then he was awake and screaming again and wouldn't go back to sleep.

This is not rocket science, why do they make it so much more complicated than it needs to be???

And of course, DH is all sulking and angry now (think petulant teenager at their worst!) because he is taking it personally that I've gone upstairs for the evening. Mainly because I don't want to argue and I don't want to hear him shouting and bitching about the boys fussing or staying awake. (and yet.. they're not - they're asleep - but he'd still rant about it for another hour!)

sigh... WHEN will this medicine kick in?!?! I assume it hasn't yet, because god help me, if this is it full force, then I am dragging him back to the GP. He is coming unglued.. he really is.

Well DS and I took a trip to tescos this evening hoping it was quiet...........NOPE they are all still on holiday manicly filling trolleys. Chaos reigned. DS took his final bit of pocket money and we hit the games section first. Bad move, not a single wii, ps3 or ds game that are good for kiddies. All xbox!! hmph says DS and marches down the other isle. Manage to do shopping which resulted in biccies of all shapes and sizes, two boxes of duck spring rolls, two packs of ham, rolls and some curly fries before DS said I wanna go home....

Got to the counter and was removing stuff from trolley to be scanned when DS snook away. Next I see a tesco employee marching DS back up to me with a rather red mark on his forhead (the mans forhead) apparently he opened a nurf gun, loaded it and shot him whilst telling him he wasnt happy that they have no games that he could buy Amazing what they can do in 5 seconds isnt it.

Coff33 Still laughing about the thought of your DS shooting a tesco employee while you scan your curly fries. You couldnt make it up.

Triggles - are we married to the same man........?

DH is a lot better since he stopped drinking, was very sulky before then. And he didnt drink much at all really. Anyway. You are being very patient with him. And me with mine.....

Are they SSRIs Triggles? How long has he been on them?

I was told they can make you feel much worse in the first couple of weeks - but if its been longer than that, try going back to the GP because they might not suit you. There are so many different ones, there's no point in struggling through with ones that aren't helping - or worse are exacerbating the situation.

Coff33! but He'll go a long way your boy. Direct action that's the way to get things done.

That should have said 'might not suit him' - doh!

moose - I believe they are... and yes, it's the first couple weeks. And I think he's drinking more than he should as well. Because the stupid GP told him it was okay to drink when he was taking them (DH asked).... what an incredibly stupid thing to tell him!! Why didn't she point out that drinking when depressed is a bad idea!?!??!?!? (of course, this is the GP that saw DS2 when we were trying to get a referral to paed - she refused and insisted he saw CAMHS instead as ADHD/ASD is not a "medical problem" , according to her it's a psych problem. and then she looked at him and said "well, it's OBVIOUS he's not normal." It was not a pretty scene. I was tired, stressed, worried... and let loose with both barrels. In fact, over a year later, she still remembers me blowing up at her and mentioned it to my DH. Although if that was in an office visit, isn't she violating the patient confidentiality thing by mentioning it? Even if it was my son that was the patient and not me at the time?? Have I mentioned I do not like her?)

oh, and coff33pot - LOVE the tesco story!! I have this mental image of a tesco employee with this huge red mark right between the eyes practically, dragging your son by the arm. And to make it worse, DD works for Tesco - I'll have to tell her, she'll get a right giggle out of that!

Put it this way Moosemama the one he err umm shot......usually is a right grumpy so and so that wont move his huge trolley for you or get up off the floor so you can get by......you know the kind so whilst shocked I can fully understand why DS picked him tbh as you could never class him as a moving target

DH has decided his son is going to run for government and put the world straight with a nurf gun (men)

Thinking of trying this direct action the next time there are no cucumbers in the veg section

I agree with moosemama Triggles, if its been a few weeks and your DH seems more worse than better go back to the docs. I took cetaloprin for a little while and they sent me well off the rails

Oh and Triggles he was lucky it was the forhead DS is the right height shall we say to ruin someones family allowance budget

coff33pot - oh god, I almost snorted diet coke on the screen reading that about the family allowance budget!!!

These meds he has just started on a week ago yesterday. the weeks before we was weaning off the old meds, so basically he is without benefit of a therapeutic dose in his system at the moment. But I refuse to believe that when I say to him "you're going OTT, please calm down and stop shouting" that he doesn't have the presence of mind to realise that he's overstepped it and needs to calm down. And we discussed yesterday that he CANNOT take it out on the children. It's not their fault and they cannot be treated poorly, I don't care HOW badly he feels, that is just NOT ON.

Shit. Why did I put a guitar on top of the wardrobe on top of my betablockers. I've woken the whole house up looking for something to calm my work nerves.

Triggles, march DH to the docs tomorrow. A different doctor. My DH started meds after your DH and is already calmer and happier. At the very least Doc needs to tell your DH no beer!

I'll speak to DH tomorrow. He's in no mood to listen tonight. And I agree - no cider, which is what he likes to drink.

Actually, come to think of it Coff33, we could all do with employing your ds to sort our our LEAs for us!

Family allowance budget!

Triggles I agree, he can't take it out on the dcs, but having been there years ago myself, it is a weird feeling and you're really not in control of it. Its not until you come out from under the dark cloud that you realise what you've been doing to your loved ones, no matter how many times you may have been told. Its like you have your empathy skills temporarily switched off and just can't read or absorb how you behaviour is affecting other people. When I think back to some of the things I shouted said to my dcs back then it makes me cry. I remember asking ds1 if he wanted me to leave so he could live with just ds2 and Daddy once - he was only 3 bless him and at the time I didn't realise that his 'acting up' at home and being golden for everyone else was because he had ASD - I honestly believed he didn't love me and they'd all be better off if I left. Looking back, I can't believe I actually said that to a three year old child. My 'normal' (for want of a better word) mind would know how wrong that was, but I was just in no fit state to consider the effect of my words on others. The poor little mite must have been so confused and upset. Since then I've spent the next 6 years promising I will never ever leave him and reinforcing how much I love him.

He will come through it though - hopefully he's just in the transition of the drug changeover and things will gradually improve as they build up in his system. Is there any way you could afford a few private therapy session for him? It made a huge difference to me, just having someone totally impartial to talk it all out with.

If it helps, I was on citalopram and it took about 16 days in all for me to realise I was feeling better and the whole house seemed calmer and happier.

He WAS on citalopram, max dosage, but GP switched it as it wasn't helping much. The last couple weeks have been utter hell.

I've heard that citalopram doesn't suit everyone. It actually made my younger sister suicidal.

It must be horrible for you, I know I put my dh through hell at the time as well.

Hang in there, the new pills are probably just taking longer to kick in - if there's no change at the end of two weeks though, I'd definitely go back to the GP.

he's been off work for 2-3 months. I'm worried about his job, our family, everything. they couldn't fire him for this could they?

he has requested to go to dayshift, as GP told him it would be a good idea. (I've been telling him this for a year!)

I don't think they can fire him for being ill. My sister is off at the moment with reactive depression and her organisation arranged an assessment via Human Resources to assess when she should come back and how it should be handled (she's been off for two months).

They recommended a few more weeks off (4 I think) and then a 12 week gradual reintegration back to work, but not back to her actual job in the first instance (she's frontline in a very stressful environment).

I wish I could remember what the assessment is called, darned neuro/memory problems. I want to say Health and Safety, but I know that's not it. I'll post again if it comes to me.

Moving onto the dayshift from nights sounds like a really good idea. Everyone I know who works nights ends up struggling in the end.

Triggles - we are honest on this board so I am going to be honest.

Yes people can be dismissed for medical grounds folowing long term sickness. However the company has to do whatever it can to help him back into work like Moosemama's sister. If they were to dismiss him without going through this then they would find themselves in front of an employment tribunal. You need to try (if possible) not to worry about work atm. This is the first link I found with lots of info FYI I have been off sick for 10 months so know my stuff

Just to lighten the mood again, if you need him to go back to the docs, I'm sure Coff's DS would assist getting him back in there with a Nerf gun!

They've known for 2 years that he's been struggling with depression (since his father died, and unfortunately the hits have just kept coming since then). The only thing his work has done was give him warnings and threatened his job due to being off when he's been overwhelmed and has been signed off, which then has meant he spent most of the time off worrying about losing his job. He reached a point yesterday where he spaced out and walked away from DS3 in his pushchair in the post office. Thankfully I was nearby and spotted it fairly quickly, but it just freaked me out (and him, to be fair, when he realised what he did). It also makes me realise that I can't let him take the children anywhere or leave him alone with the children at all right now, as he just isn't capable of coping - plus he's worried sick now that he might do it again and not realise.

Thanks for the info. I spoke to him this morning and he has an appointment with GP early next week (although the nerf gun sounds promising - will keep it as a back up plan! ), and apparently at that time she will be bumping up his meds once again - so he still isn't taking the full dose. good grief, she didn't warn him at all that he would be rather free-falling during this time. I'm just itching to smack her! I imagine she will keep him off work for at least another 2 weeks, there is no way he is ready to cope with work. Although he did speak to someone at work in HR and asked them to start paving the way for him to move to day shift and they agreed it was a good move.

I'm so sorry its so hard for you and dh at the moment Triggles, its so much extra pressure on you - as if you didn't already have enough on your plate. My dh said it felt like being a single parent, but harder, because I was there - but not there, iyswim.

I hope the GP sorts this out asap and gets him on the right meds at the right dose so you can all start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sounds promising that HR agreed that day shifts would be a good move. It will be hugely in his favour that he's made moves towards going back himself as well.

It will get better, but I do understand how hard it is to keep hanging in there in the meantime.