DS2 has been obsessed the last couple days with a stopwatch that we got in a free games pack. We've let him play with it, no big deal. But DH set it down somewhere today, and now we can't find it and DS2 is having a meltdown. And of course, DH is having one as well, doing the whole "laying down the law" crap, which we all know works sooooo well with children with ASD, eh? 
So DH shouting and swearing, DS2 screaming and crying... DS3 unbelievably (thankfully) sleeping through it all. I'm trying to calm DS2 and telling DH to stop shouting and swearing as he's just making it all worse....
Yep... right old fun time here tonight. I need a drink.
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Oh dear god, all this over a stopwatch??
78 replies
Triggles · 29/08/2011 20:16
OP posts:
Triggles ·
01/09/2011 21:19
oh no pigletmania!! best of luck to you. We're still recuperating from "stopwatch-gate" here. 
OP posts:
Triggles ·
31/08/2011 19:24
They've known for 2 years that he's been struggling with depression (since his father died, and unfortunately the hits have just kept coming since then). The only thing his work has done was give him warnings and threatened his job due to being off when he's been overwhelmed and has been signed off, which then has meant he spent most of the time off worrying about losing his job. He reached a point yesterday where he spaced out and walked away from DS3 in his pushchair in the post office. Thankfully I was nearby and spotted it fairly quickly, but it just freaked me out (and him, to be fair, when he realised what he did). It also makes me realise that I can't let him take the children anywhere or leave him alone with the children at all right now, as he just isn't capable of coping - plus he's worried sick now that he might do it again and not realise.
Thanks for the info. I spoke to him this morning and he has an appointment with GP early next week (although the nerf gun sounds promising - will keep it as a back up plan! ), and apparently at that time she will be bumping up his meds once again - so he still isn't taking the full dose. good grief, she didn't warn him at all that he would be rather free-falling during this time. I'm just itching to smack her! I imagine she will keep him off work for at least another 2 weeks, there is no way he is ready to cope with work. Although he did speak to someone at work in HR and asked them to start paving the way for him to move to day shift and they agreed it was a good move.
OP posts:
Ben10WasTheSpawnNowWeLoveLego ·
31/08/2011 07:09
Triggles - we are honest on this board so I am going to be honest.
Yes people can be dismissed for medical grounds folowing long term sickness. However the company has to do whatever it can to help him back into work like Moosemama's sister. If they were to dismiss him without going through this then they would find themselves in front of an employment tribunal. You need to try (if possible) not to worry about work atm. This is the first link I found with lots of info FYI I have been off sick for 10 months so know my stuff
Just to lighten the mood again, if you need him to go back to the docs, I'm sure Coff's DS would assist getting him back in there with a Nerf gun!
moosemama ·
30/08/2011 21:42
Actually, come to think of it Coff33, we could all do with employing your ds to sort our our LEAs for us!
Family allowance budget!
Triggles I agree, he can't take it out on the dcs, but having been there years ago myself, it is a weird feeling and you're really not in control of it. Its not until you come out from under the dark cloud that you realise what you've been doing to your loved ones, no matter how many times you may have been told. Its like you have your empathy skills temporarily switched off and just can't read or absorb how you behaviour is affecting other people. When I think back to some of the things I shouted said to my dcs back then it makes me cry. 
I remember asking ds1 if he wanted me to leave so he could live with just ds2 and Daddy once - he was only 3 bless him and at the time I didn't realise that his 'acting up' at home and being golden for everyone else was because he had ASD - I honestly believed he didn't love me and they'd all be better off if I left. Looking back, I can't believe I actually said that to a three year old child. My 'normal' (for want of a better word) mind would know how wrong that was, but I was just in no fit state to consider the effect of my words on others. The poor little mite must have been so confused and upset. Since then I've spent the next 6 years promising I will never ever leave him and reinforcing how much I love him.
He will come through it though - hopefully he's just in the transition of the drug changeover and things will gradually improve as they build up in his system. Is there any way you could afford a few private therapy session for him? It made a huge difference to me, just having someone totally impartial to talk it all out with.
Triggles ·
30/08/2011 21:27
coff33pot - oh god, I almost snorted diet coke on the screen reading that about the family allowance budget!!!
These meds he has just started on a week ago yesterday. the weeks before we was weaning off the old meds, so basically he is without benefit of a therapeutic dose in his system at the moment. But I refuse to believe that when I say to him "you're going OTT, please calm down and stop shouting" that he doesn't have the presence of mind to realise that he's overstepped it and needs to calm down. And we discussed yesterday that he CANNOT take it out on the children. It's not their fault and they cannot be treated poorly, I don't care HOW badly he feels, that is just NOT ON.
OP posts:
coff33pot ·
30/08/2011 21:23
Oh and Triggles he was lucky it was the forhead DS is the right height shall we say to ruin someones family allowance budget
coff33pot ·
30/08/2011 21:20
Put it this way Moosemama the one he err umm shot......usually is a right grumpy so and so that wont move his huge trolley for you or get up off the floor so you can get by......you know the kind so whilst shocked I can fully understand why DS picked him tbh as you could never class him as a moving target
DH has decided his son is going to run for government and put the world straight with a nurf gun (men)
Thinking of trying this direct action the next time there are no cucumbers in the veg section
I agree with moosemama Triggles, if its been a few weeks and your DH seems more worse than better go back to the docs. I took cetaloprin for a little while and they sent me well off the rails
Triggles ·
30/08/2011 21:16
oh, and coff33pot - LOVE the tesco story!! I have this mental image of a tesco employee with this huge red mark right between the eyes practically, dragging your son by the arm. And to make it worse, DD works for Tesco - I'll have to tell her, she'll get a right giggle out of that!
OP posts:
Triggles ·
30/08/2011 21:15
moose - I believe they are... and yes, it's the first couple weeks. And I think he's drinking more than he should as well. Because the stupid GP told him it was okay to drink when he was taking them (DH asked).... what an incredibly stupid thing to tell him!! Why didn't she point out that drinking when depressed is a bad idea!?!??!?!? (of course, this is the GP that saw DS2 when we were trying to get a referral to paed - she refused and insisted he saw CAMHS instead as ADHD/ASD is not a "medical problem" , according to her it's a psych problem. and then she looked at him and said "well, it's OBVIOUS he's not normal." 
It was not a pretty scene. I was tired, stressed, worried... and let loose with both barrels. In fact, over a year later, she still remembers me blowing up at her and mentioned it to my DH. Although if that was in an office visit, isn't she violating the patient confidentiality thing by mentioning it? Even if it was my son that was the patient and not me at the time?? Have I mentioned I do not like her?)
OP posts:
moosemama ·
30/08/2011 21:03
Are they SSRIs Triggles? How long has he been on them?
I was told they can make you feel much worse in the first couple of weeks - but if its been longer than that, try going back to the GP because they might not suit you. There are so many different ones, there's no point in struggling through with ones that aren't helping - or worse are exacerbating the situation.
Coff33! but He'll go a long way your boy. Direct action that's the way to get things done.
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coff33pot ·
30/08/2011 20:54
Well DS and I took a trip to tescos this evening hoping it was quiet...........NOPE they are all still on holiday manicly filling trolleys. Chaos reigned. DS took his final bit of pocket money and we hit the games section first. Bad move, not a single wii, ps3 or ds game that are good for kiddies. All xbox!! hmph says DS and marches down the other isle. Manage to do shopping which resulted in biccies of all shapes and sizes, two boxes of duck spring rolls, two packs of ham, rolls and some curly fries before DS said I wanna go home....
Got to the counter and was removing stuff from trolley to be scanned when DS snook away. Next I see a tesco employee marching DS back up to me with a rather red mark on his forhead (the mans forhead) apparently he opened a nurf gun, loaded it and shot him whilst telling him he wasnt happy that they have no games that he could buy 
Amazing what they can do in 5 seconds isnt it.
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