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Original poster

If she's not walking at age 4......

30 replies

ThomCat · 15/11/2005 17:41

The physio just rang to say that she went into nursery to see Lottie today.
She said if in January she's not yet walking, as she'll be 4 by then, they'll really start doing things to really push her.

I know that's a good thing, but it also made me sad.

Sad becasue I know how angry / miserable / annoyed / upset it will make her.

I know the end result is the most important thing, of course I do and I must keep that in sight at all times.

Just wish she could do it on her own, and she didn't have to be forced almost.

Standing and walking obviosly causes her discomfort and and she finds it really hard and frightening. You just have to see her little legs trembling as she stands and edge carefully and hesitantly along the side of the bath. And when we make her stand and she says 'no, no, mummmy no'.

I want her to walk more than anything else in this world. I just wish it didn't have to be like this. I know it'll be fine, I know it's for the best, I know she'll get here in the end, I know it's all for the good of Lottie in the long run.

It just breaks my heart becasue I want her to have done it on her own, in her own time, without going through what I know she'll go through when physio and nursery start their intensive program with her in the new year.

If you could see her when she so much as spots the physio from across the other side of the room!
God it's going to be horrid.

Short term only I know, but - you know what I'm saying here.

Ahhh well, just look forward to me coming on after a, hiopefully just a few months of intensive, to say she took hger first steps. It'll be worth it in the end. Must repeart that daily as a mantra come January.

OP posts:
starlover · 15/11/2005 17:45

awww bless her. is there anything you can do in the run-up to make it any easier for her?
and little games and exercises to make it a bit more bearable?

hopefully the short-term pain of it will be worth it to see her walking around though

Enid · 15/11/2005 17:45

it will be worth it tc

she might need someone else to push her to do it

can you be a bit firm with her and try to get her to do it for you before she gets to the physio?

Enid · 15/11/2005 17:45

might she like to push something, a pram, with your help?

geekgrrl · 15/11/2005 17:49

awww ThomCat I'm sorry. It sounds like this is such a difficult area for both of you.

I just wanted to let you know that there are quite a few people on the DS-UK mailing list whose little ones learned to walk with a Kaye-walker, please do join the list if you would like to hear more about it.

I don't really know what to say, ThomCat - we're facing these sort of battles too (our latest one is arranging for dd to have a screw implanted into her skull so that she can get a hearing aid that works - I feel so guilty that I'm going to be putting her through it) and it just sucks.

Original poster
ThomCat · 15/11/2005 17:53

Yeah, dopiong all that tbh. have things at home we encourage her to push but it;'s very hard to force her. I stand her at this big, deep wooden trolley which I have wighed down with a stone lion so it doesn't tip and make her feel unsafe and then I have loaded it with a blanket and her baby annabelle so it's like a buggy. She'll stand at it but only for a second, I've even managed to get her to take a couple of steps but then she jsut collapses into a heap and doesn't want to know.
i'm as firm as I can be. I know I have to be that way. D is even firmer. i can't bear the tears after a while and he can stick it a bit longer than I can.
I also used to think that I din't want her to associated standing / walking with some form of torture! And that's how she makes it feel sometimes. She jsut doesn't have the desire to stand and walk really. When she wants to stand she will but it's never for that long and sshe's very rarely wants to attempt walking, but we do makle her. But when she's had enough she bends her knees and won't do it. What can you do then?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThomCat · 15/11/2005 17:54

Geek - blimey - that sounds extreme. Blimey, sorry to hear that

Can you tell me more about this list and this walker you mention. Thanks.

OP posts:
bundle · 15/11/2005 17:57

TC I know it will be hard but definitely worth it. I think independence is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children. Try and think of something nice to do before/after the physio so it doesn't just become a horrid day for her/you, x

starlover · 15/11/2005 17:59

it sounds like she is doing great thomcat... as long as you praise, praise, praise when she does some steps then that's great (and i am sure you do!!!)

Can you play games like pushing the trolley to a certain point to get a prize? like a little packet of chocolate buttons or something... if she walks to it she gets the buttons?

don't make a fuss if she doesn't want to walk etc etc...

you probably do all this already! she will get there eventually i'm sure!

Original poster
ThomCat · 15/11/2005 18:03

Absolutely bundle, and I'll include the word 'independence' in my daily mantra

The sessions will take palce at nursery so I won't be there for most of them. I guess that's a good thing really?

Listen the day she walks will be the best day of my life, other than the day I had her, and I'll wish we had done the intensive with her earlier etc etc.

Just wish she'd have been able to avoid doing it this way, thats all, just a bit sad that she finds it so, so hard. Wish I could just wave a wand and make it easy for her and let her just get up and do it on her own one day, soon.

God I love her so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThomCat · 15/11/2005 18:04

Thanks Starlover, and yes, apart from the prize of chocolate we do all that already. I'll do te prize thing as well now though, thanks.

OP posts:
starlover · 15/11/2005 18:06

awww... in a few months time you'll be back on here telling us what a nightmare it is now she's walking and into EVERYTHING! lol

Blossomhill · 15/11/2005 18:12

Ah honey. I really wish I could do or say something to help.
All I will say is that you know Lottie will get there and as horrible as it may seem now it will all be so worth it in the end.

Hugs BHXXX

anniebear · 15/11/2005 19:13

Arrrh Thomcat, was gonna give you a hug, but not sure how to do it on here, so BIG BIG HUG!!!

Yes it will be worth it in the long run but still horrible when you know your child is in Discomfort or pain

xxxx

Blu · 15/11/2005 19:23

Oh TC - they're not going to do anything horribel to her, though, are they? It would be counter-productive. Surely they have little tricks to slowly but surely encourage her. I know, that is what you have been trying - but perhaps the physio is talking simply about putting more intensive support in for her?

I'm not trying to make light of this, TC, you must be feeling so raw and exposed for her...and the thought of her saying 'no, mummy, no' is unbearable. It brings tears to my eyes, too. But there will be a day when she just 'gets it'. Strong, brave Lottie, strong brave TC.

meggymoo · 15/11/2005 19:31

Message withdrawn

meggymoo · 15/11/2005 19:33

Message withdrawn

mizmiz · 15/11/2005 19:45

Just keep on reminding yourself that it is for her-you will improve the quality of her life immeasurably.
I work a lot with physios and they get very frustrated by people who don't carry out exercises because they think they are distressing the children and/or they don't have the discipline.
Have you met with the physio and put heads together to think of fun ways of doing this (eg chocolate button thing?)
Is there an assistant who will carry out exercises in nursery?
It could be that other people will do most of it?

Remember

Independence and Mobility

Independence and Mobility

That's what we all aspire to.

cori · 15/11/2005 20:15

I used to work with lady with DS who didnt walk until she was about 6. She had no problems walking as an adult.
Lottie will make it.

Original poster
ThomCat · 15/11/2005 20:45

Walker will be introduced in jan at home and at nursery.
I do harden my heart and make her walk and stand all the time I only stop when she forces me to by collapsing her legs underneath herself and if it's halfway to the car I hold her up until she straightnens her legs and we carry on. Sometimes that doesn't work, esp if she stops in the middle of the road.
I know they won't hurt her when they start this intensive thing, but honestly, she just hates being made to stand and walk and although we all know we haveto make her it is obviously distressing when a child is crying and saying 'noooooo, nooooooo' and you're still trying to get them to do it.
I know I have to do it, i do do it, I know we'll have to do whatever else it takes etc etc, I know she'll get there in the end and I know it'll all be ok in the end.
I just wish it didn't have to be this way.

OP posts:
maddiemosthorrid · 15/11/2005 20:55

It will be so hard but so worth it.

Try to be as strong as you can, and think of the rewards that you can give to yourselves at the end of each appointment.

matnanplus · 15/11/2005 21:10

I knew a DS laddie who could but choose not to walk till he was 11yrs old and even now at 16 will bum shuffle if he can.

I'm sure they have checked lotties hips and that it is just not a mode of transport she wishes to utilise at this time.

All the best come January.

Caroline5 · 15/11/2005 21:25

My dd2 is exactly the same, hates standing and totally scared of walking. She's 4.5 now and still has absolutely no inclination towards getting on her feet. I suppose she is very gradually getting there, as she now kneels up high at things and is beginning to crawl up a single step. It is so hard forcing your child to do therapy that they completely hate doing. I think it is great TC that you are so positive about everything, no one could be doing more to encourage Lottie on to her feet than you!

Original poster
ThomCat · 15/11/2005 21:30

Thanks Caroline, I really appreciate your post, just sorry that you have to understand all too clearly where I'm coming from on this.
So what's happening with you DD, is she getting some sort of intensive physio or anything? Perhaps we can share tips etc?

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butty · 15/11/2005 21:58

Hi TC,

How are you??

The kaye walkers are really good although it isnt essy to begin with.

Dylan hates his with a passion but some of the kids in his nursery class have them and their parents have all said that dylan will get there to eventually.

I know how you feel about pushing and being determined for them but it isnt that easy and sometimes feels like its being thrown back in your face, but it isn't, dylan has learnt his own way of independence with regards to mobility, lord knows it, you should his "get aways on all fours!!"
God he makes me laugh.

Butty.xxx

PS: thanks for message, only just got it.

Potty1 · 15/11/2005 22:21

TC - I hope she does it on her own too - then she can blow a big raspberry at the physio!
But if not the hard work and tears will all be worth it when she's running away from you and in a couple of years time, chasing around her little brother or sister.