OK this one needs some background so:
I have my older 2 boys aged 9 and 11 in the local MS Primary.
DS1 has ASD and used to be the playground bully; after 3 years of fighting we managed to get the school (LEA had always been willing really) to agree to lunchtime supervision but I think it was too late. DS1 intimidates people- heck, knowing he's in a mood and dh won;t be here after school I am intimdated. He has no remorese if he hits and dismisses it entirely as not his fault. I think school have enabled thhis behaviour tbh. he is a high achiever thre as long as he has a TA close- vice captain of house, chair of school council etc. In September we have secured him a palce at a specilaist ASD Base where he can access mainstream work in a specilaist environment.
DS2 goes to local comp next year; there are 13 months between them.
DS2 is a socianble, likeable cheeky chappy- class clown. Not academic but the sort of small boy who delights in running around with a sea slug in his hand or a pocket of beetles. He was on SEN register for 6 months but school removed him: wrongly and I amde that clear but a new head came in and all sorts of support vanished overnight, and there's no other school local enough.
We tried to get sibling support but that is accessed via young carers and he would be 16 before there was a aplce apparently: he does go cubs for some separate social life.
So, it is ds2's 10th birthday Monday; pparty duly booked an d paid for, bowling. DS2 is happily storing party bags on his bedrrom table all made up, cake chosen.
And not one child will come. DS1 considers each a success and has amde it clear that he hs intimidated everyone invited. DS2 had a lvoely friend he was really close to but it got to the stage that he shook just knocking on the door so his Mum had to pull him from the friendship.
What the hell do I do? I don;t want to wreck ds2's tenth birthday. Family can't come (iunderstandably, hugely important exams. We don;t have the spare cash to just cancel, write off the cost of the paid for party and do something else- who does these days?
If I feel like crying how the heck do I manage this without him losing yet another important thing to ASD and ds1's behaviour? becuase this sort of thing happens a lot, it's a small place to live and everyone nows.