oh I do wish people realised how easy they have it

[2shoes]

just a bit of a moan, to get it out of my head.

just read a thread where people seem unable to cope with toddlers.oh wtf would they do in our shoes for a week
my BIL And SIL have jetted of with there 2 nt teen sons for a holiday, I mean a real holiday, not the type I will have in a week or so, where I just move to a different location and work twice as hard.......

moan over, green eyed monster back in it's box

Yep, I know exactly what you mean!

Know exactly what you mean. Yesterday was meeting friend for picnic with her children. She turned up with three other mums and their assorted children none of whom ds knew. She didn't think to prewarn me because you wouldn't if you didn't know about ASD. But was on tenterhooks the whole time. She texted me later to see if there was something wrong. Other people just don't get it and the key and hardest thing is not to judge them for it.

It's frustrating isn't it , my friend and her husband are off to the newforest at the weekend and are sleeping in their van (something that would be impossible with my dd's), when we go on holiday we come home feeling worse then before we went as you realize who much hard work it is having sn children.

2agoes my holidays always like that I see it as a holiday for the dc now,lot easier on the expections

Yep i can sympathise too, I ended up feeling nothing but guilt for putting my ds through a hol to Majorca recently...it was that bad for him...

Do you know, I don't realise how difficult my life can be until I am invited somewhere that makes me think "Jesus, are you mental, Ds1 would run riot, I thought you had children!"

And then I have to stop and think that yes, they do have children, and their children are normal, not angels, and actually if I could just take ds2 it would be fine - it's Ds1 that is the issue, not the venue...

I was invited to a BBQ .... and it only occurred to me afterwards that most people would trust a 7 year old to have some food, maybe kick a ball around, and stay away from the pond as instructed. I KNOW that ds1 would hang off people's waists, play with the barbeque, and then fall in the pond whilst trying to catch the fish.

the only way I can explain to people is by saying "It's not like having a four year old and a seven year old, it's like having four year old twins and one of them is VERY big and VERY clever and rather disobedient."

Indeed.

They take for granted parties, holidays, days out, meals out, standing in the street chatting to a friend, going out for coffee, shopping - I could go on.

A friend of mine recently spoke about my dh not always being able to make it the the local football side to watch them play. I put forward that it wasn't feasible to wrangle ds myself at the weekends as I needed a break too. Her response was 'dh could bring him along to watch'

What I felt like shouting was 'you muppet do you think ds would stand around for 2 hours and watch a football match without trying to invade the pitch, run off or steal the ball?'

What I actually said was 'no,that's not possible'

rolls eyes.

It's because they don't understand that some kids genuinely DO NOT respond to punishment, threats of punishment, sanctions or disappointment.

they may be miffed that these things ^happen, but it's not enough to stop the undesirable behavior, because the undesirable behavior is as compelling to that child is breathing is to everyone else.

So they cannot understand that you can say to a child "Stand there and don't move or I will take away everything you own and beat you and lock in in a cupboard" and then when the child moves, you would do it, and you would say the same thing next time - and the child would still move. Every single time.

And my friends are good at understanding that sometimes i cannot stand and chat because Ds1 will not, can not stand around, but others, who don't know us so well, will try to 'step in' and be met with him either hanging off their waist or rolling on the floor laughing.

"So they cannot understand that you can say to a child "Stand there and don't move or I will take away everything you own and beat you and lock in in a cupboard" and then when the child moves, you would do it, and you would say the same thing next time - and the child would still move. Every single time."

Colditz, that is just spot-on.

Even my dsis says things to me like "well can't you just make him do xyz - I make dd [my 4yo nt niece] do xyz even if she doesn't like it".

Sigh.

i have a friend with 3 nt kids who keeps saying she has it harder than me, her kids can speak and listen to her and don't need carried and shepherded, fed and changed,and they sleep!

I find the accusing glares of people in queues we bypass at theme parks etc quite hard to take. They're thinking 'there's nothing wrong with him, no wheelchair or white stick or hearing aid'

Yes, it is nice from us to sail past a half mile queue for a ride - but if they'd like to swap, then come on, let's swap.

I don't mean to sound so bitter, really I don't.

I get told by my aunty "you've got to TELL her not to throw food on the floor"..

and I agree, invisible disabilities suck, was glared at by a woman with a stick today as I was briefly sitting with DD in disabled space so i could unfold her buggy and get her back into it as she cant walk off the bus, I had already got up to offer the woman the seat too!

Mind you, it can't be that invisible as a woman with SN was asking me "is she handicapped, why is she making a noise, why is she handicapped" very loudly on the bus back!!

Outings with us are entertaining!!

This thread has just made me feel so much better having had such shit day in the NT world with my two kids - ds 6 and dd 4 (sn)..

You all get exactly what I'm feeling and describe it so well! Amazing! Can't really talk much today as feel very woolly ( unlike me who can talk for England usually) but..

I love this forum..

aww sorry to hear it DJAngel, be kind to yourself today.

Fanjo - you see, that's where you've been going wrong

Yes slaps forehead

or even

what gets me are people who turn around and say "Oh, little Sally, I can't control her, you know she is only 5, but as clever as a 6 year old, so I can't stimulate her enough", errrr, hello-o, what were you planning to do with a 'normal' child when she got to 6 ...

oh 2shoes I'm so sorry. I posted on that other thread and feel really bad now. x