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Original poster

oh I do wish people realised how easy they have it

137 replies

2shoes · 29/07/2010 10:23

just a bit of a moan, to get it out of my head.

just read a thread where people seem unable to cope with toddlers.oh wtf would they do in our shoes for a week
my BIL And SIL have jetted of with there 2 nt teen sons for a holiday, I mean a real holiday, not the type I will have in a week or so, where I just move to a different location and work twice as hard.......

moan over, green eyed monster back in it's box

OP posts:
Lougle · 29/07/2010 17:17

I am too tired to even respond meaningfully, so I will just say I know what you mean x

sarah293 · 29/07/2010 17:18

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sarah293 · 29/07/2010 17:19

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anonandlikeit · 29/07/2010 17:20

at the moment I don't feel envious, i just think i'm fortunate to have 2 healthy (mostly) kids and we find stuff to do with them & hope to get the balance right between finding normal stuff that ds1 (nt) enjoys and an environment that ds2 can tolerate and have come to the conclusion that holidays, days out etc are not really ds2's idea of fun!
But then again I don't know any couple with youngish kids that are still ahving the relaxing holidays that they had pre child - ours are just much more less relaxing than theirs (if that makes sense).

I don't suppose in 10 yrs time when all their kids have grown up and left home I'll still feel the same when ds2 is still stressing about going out the house & we are still trying to find a holiday to accommodate his needs.... I guess then I'll be

Original poster
2shoes · 29/07/2010 17:46

thephoenix Thu 29-Jul-10 17:12:36
oh 2shoes I'm so sorry. I posted on that other thread and feel really bad now. x

don't be silly, I was just having a green moment.
I just wanted to be on a plane looking forward to 2 weeks in the sun doing just me stuff.

OP posts:
thephoenix · 29/07/2010 18:20

you and me both 2shoes. How about we do a Thelma and Louise and escape from them all. I reckon we'd get as far as Dover before we missed them and turned around

Original poster
2shoes · 29/07/2010 21:04

is there a good pub there?

OP posts:
thephoenix · 29/07/2010 21:40

I'm sure we could find one. Or two. And maybe a bacon sandwich

DJAngel · 29/07/2010 22:16

I also feel bad about dd's older brother. He always looks forward to the school holidays coz he's got an optimistic nature, bless him, don't know where he gets that from?! But then it's always crap.. It's awful when there's just one of us and both kids coz you can barely hear him talk at the moment with dd's screaming, raging and crying.. let alone have a meaningful conversation with him. He's always asking me to listen to him spell things at the moment - I often forget in the chaos what word he's saying! I dread to think what that's doing to his spelling abilities!

Well, we've done 5 weeks off with dd coz no nursery - now the rest of the hols with them both. But nearly at the end of week 1!

Ds said the other day that we can't go on holiday because of ds and wishes she'd get better..I agreed but broke to him that it wasn't gonna happen.. I can tell he's feeling resentful but trying to hide it as well..

It's being so knackered that makes it so hard too, I've felt like I'm losing the plot in this last week. Shouting at everyone and crying all over the place, and generally feeling like I want to run away..

But - of course I can't - so instead will go and put kettle on.. Bacon sarnie sounds good!

donkeyderby · 29/07/2010 22:17

Oh 2shoes, it's crap. I can't risk thinking too hard about the holidays that could have been as DS stayed awake ALL NIGHT last night and I would just cry!!! I feel so tired, like my limbs don't belong to me and my eyes aren't working. Aren't the summer holidays fucking marvellous!!

All I want to do is go camping in Cornwall with my family. Nothing fancy. Or drifting through France for 6 weeks in a camper van....

DH and I are planning a road trip through Spain when we are old and DS is in care (if he ever goes in care). As long as I haven't died from lack of sleep before that of course.

Still, if we'd all had only NT children, we'd be the sort of shallow bores we have come to detest. I prefer us and ours

thederkinsdame · 29/07/2010 22:46

I hate that we are a ll going through this, but glad I am not alone. People do not understand that things that they do without hesitation take days or weeks of planning for some of us.

There are many things we can't do with DS: hotel stays - as he'd be out the door as they don't lock from the inside with a key, and he won't stay in a strange place, flights, train journeys, bus journeys. Cinema, busy places with too many people. I could go on and on.

I cannot abide the stares, the judgy looks when we are out with a boy who looks too old to be in a buggy. I just want to go out and for people to ignmore us and let us go about our day. I am thinking of getting a t-shirt printed with really small writing on it saying 'now that you've examined us, judgy pants, do us a favour and fuck off'

saintlydamemrsturnip · 29/07/2010 22:54

It's one of the hardest things about summer. Especially as we live in a holiday destination so the beaches are full of people having holidays (and producing queues).

Every year I think of ways I can continue to work over the summer.

And every year I give up on day 2 and start counting the day until September.

This time of year is hard: physically, mentally and emotionally.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 29/07/2010 22:57

oh thederk- we have had to stay in a travel lodge a couple of times. The lack of inside lock is a real problem and we always end up piling furniture in front of the door, the idea being we'd hear it and wake up if ds1 started shifting furniture to get out.

thefirstmrsDeVere · 29/07/2010 23:08

I didnt even bother thinking about a holiday this year. We havent been on a real holiday for about 10 years.

My DS is not so bad really but added to that OH's disability and I just cant cope with the logistics.

Even thinking about it makes me tearful.

I would just love to sit in a chalet by the sea with a glass of wine in my hand.

But how would we get there? Would it be accessible, what if it was too hot, who would be on constant look out for DS incase he wandered off into the sea (to be fair, not just him, he has two little brothers). What would we do when we were there, I could sit and look at the sea all day but kids wouldnt and what if the attractions meant walking etc?

So I am staying at home.

I am lucky that DS has a place in a holiday club for two weeks. He is loving it and means I can spend some pottering time with DCs 4&5. People have asked why I have put him in there when I am not working neither is OH (he works term time, I am on maternity). Makes me feel crap, like I am getting rid of him. Most people think he is 'normal'. They wouldnt if they had him at home for a while.

toxicpotato · 29/07/2010 23:15

holidays? my d is 17 and we dont do trips or hols..i attempted a trip to our local argos store (purgatory) to replace yet another broken toillet seat and she punched me before we even left the car..protest in store involved lying full length across aisle gave up came home despaired. what makes everything so much harder is the loss of my personality..it doesnt matter how many carers strategies or aiming high for disabled kids strategies are in place the reality is that even buying of bog standard toilet seat is a major and fraught expedition

AgnesDiPesto · 29/07/2010 23:20

My two NT kids were taken by friends mum to the cinema while I stayed home with DS3. Can't help wondering if they mind that its always someone elses mum who takes them rather than me but at least we are lucky to have friends who offer.

DJAngel · 29/07/2010 23:32

It is a hard time of year..

One of things I hate is that everywhere feels so busy that it doesn't feel safe. Dd got hit quite hard on the head out of the blue today in the park by one child and pushed by another.. Both me and ds felt so protective of her.. She has multiple tumours in the brain so of course I always really worry about any bumps to the head.. It took all my self control not to hit him back! I felt like a lioness protecting my cub! But his Mum did make him come and apologise..which of course dd was oblivious to..

It made me regret leaving the relative safety of the house today, it was so stressful.. dd always tries to steal other people's stuff as well ( toys, picnic, clothes, suncream, absolutely anything - and then screams when i don't let her.. Some folk are fine but other parents can be so judgemental.. they look at us as if we're aliens sometimes!

londongirl4 · 30/07/2010 06:20

My MIL is of the mind that I should just TELL my DD not to hide food/ hit me etc............what would I do without her helpful suggestions????????

Spinkle · 30/07/2010 06:49

Bet you hadn't thought of that, sheesh. I find older people far more judgemental and they will actually say rude stuff.

I did see some t-shirts on the internet that said something like 'of course, staring will cure my autism'

sarah293 · 30/07/2010 07:36

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Goblinchild · 30/07/2010 07:54

On a more frivolous note, I've left the thread judging the woman in Sainsbury's with the sugar-gobbling child.
Because as predictable, all the NT parents are now joining in with 'Oh yes, DS licked...' because of course, it's exactly the same isn't it?
All you need is to tell them no, innit?

< Grumpy old bat emoticon.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 30/07/2010 07:57

Which thread?

Goblinchild · 30/07/2010 08:13

This one.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1011956-To-the-woman-in-Sainsbury-s-this-afternoon
Not cross, just

Spinkle · 30/07/2010 08:22

Seriously, well done on telling her (am assuming it's a 'her')

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/07/2010 08:22

I have become so used to just looking straight ahead and not at the people with cats bum faces around me that apparently I have ignored a work colleague twice in street and just found out I ignored my cousin who was very hurt and thought I was upset with her..i genuinely didn't see her!!

Shocked that people can be so stupid and unthinking about a child acting in that way though.