I'd love to chat with anyone with a mildly dyspraxic child - need to see where to next.

[needanothername]

Hi

My ds is 7 and was diagnosed with dyspraxia 2 years ago. We have had wonderful support and he has had two sessions of OT and has made huge progress. Like the majority of dyspraxics, he doesn't have all the potential problems that might face him. So far, the only problem in the classroom is his speed getting work done - although he has shown that he is capable with the stimulus of eg a timer. His language skills are and always have been excellent, his artistic ability is well beyond his age, and while the same cannot be said about his handwriting, it is about average for a boy of his age.

His real problems are that he hates P.E and any form of physical exercise, finds it very difficult to make friends (in fact, his friends are all girls and he really prefers adult company) and is incapable of following instructions. He is also a very messy eater and generally a messy child. He wakes early in the morning and until everyone else is up, he "creates" things in his bedroom, from paperchains to watercolours. Imagine the fallout!

We have kind of got used to the way life is with him, but I still feel that I'm not doing anything right by him and I don't know really how to handle him. He has just given up his swimming lessons (he hated them and I couldn't face the fighting any more) and we tried tennis instead, but he hates this too. Is it ok to just let him be? Is it ok for a boy of this age not to do anything extra-curricular and never to play with friends?

I need to chat. I'm struggling at the moment, finding him very difficult and feeling that I am doing everything wrong. I just want to make life better for him but find it difficult to distinguish between what is down to his dyspraxia and what is just him being difficult.

Anyonw out there that has anything to say to me?

ds is, he's 11 and sounds very similar(apart from being arty). He's found he like "solo" sports like climbing and sailing. Team sports and athletics are torture for him to do and us to watch. He plays a brass instrument which is good as had few keys and forces him to stand and breathe properly. He deos evry little extra curricular otherwise.

Last year he had an Ed Psych assessment which put his verbal skills at least 5 years above but of course he cannot write to that level. He has had periods of OT and that has really helped his confidence and made the school take more notice.

ds2 is dyspraxic. He's 14. Still a very messy eater, loathes PE as he's uncoordinated. He's never had any therapy because its not offered here but to be honest I don't worry about it. He can walk, talk and wipe his own num which will get you thrugh life.

watching with interest for ds1(age 7 y3) who we suspect similar

So, are you both quite chilled? Is it live and let live? I don't suppose there's any other option, but I don't want him to fester away on his own in life.
Yes, he's musical too. Not amazingly gifted but a sweet and tuneful voice and chose to learn the flute which he has just started. So far, so good, he's only had a few lessons but was taught a couple of notes today and seems to have no problem working out how to create them.
Popsycal - are you having your ds assessed? I had never heard of dyspraxia, but had ds referred to a psychologist as his behaviour was so appalling, and it was she who suggested the dyspraxia assessment. Of course I went straight off to look it up online, and wasn't sure because there were several boxes that he simply didn't tick, but then there were others that he did and it explained so much.

Reasonably although it does n't take much to pitch me off the other way (I'm sure you'll find threads to evidence this). He does tend to bottle things up though and is an easy target for unkindness and bullying, which we have to keep an eye on. His behaviour is usually inoffensive but can be out of step with others. Fortunately his (few) friends at school are good ones who look out for him.

I find that preparation is the key, so he knows what, where etc although he'll still resist the unknown and readily latches onto negatives (we are looking at suitable secondaries and he'll pick holes). He has also become much more self assured so he deals with things betetr (his School Learning Support tutor left unexpectedly but he was relatively unstressed by it).

Oh, that's interesting you say about the negatives - I said to him today that he was so negative about everything. It really gets me down and I don't know how to deal with it. It was while discussing the disastrous tennis session - I suggested alternative classes etc but he is incapable of thinking in a positive way about anything. He makes negative comments about people (he could say something -ve about every child in his class if you asked him to) and resists all attempts to try to help him as there is always a problem with everything.

I'm really hoping to get some more people sharing experiences with me on this. I feel so isolated sometimes.

How do you deal with the negative attitude, Liz? I find it wearing and pointless trying to put the other side across because he's just not interested.

My 6 year old ds has a possible diagnosis of dyspraxia, I feel that if he has it, it's pretty mild so I am not bothered. I am not angling for a proper diagnosis, as I think he is making progress just at a slower base in some physical areas.
He has just mastered pedalling, but is still using stabalisers. He is very clumsy ( a horrible description but true nether the less) and messy, but fairly happy and a very imaginative boy.
His drawing is very good as well, but his handwriting is pretty messy. He is about average at school, maybe a bit behind with reading but now catching up.
I do worry about his physical awkwardness and him being a possile target for bullying though. I suppose I am posting just to say I can understand I know where you are coming from.

Very similar situation to you needanothername with DS (6). The Ed Psyc has been into school observe him, but has basically said that he's not likely to get any external support as he's "not bad enough in any area"

Everything from the giving up swimming and tennis to the early waking and messy making could be us! I too am just holding back on activities etc as they were just not interesting him and I was just getting upset and anxious everytime I had to watch him in a class

Why is it dyspraxic children find it difficult to make friends? DS is great with younger ones so is much happier now that his younger brother has started school so he can "help" him and his friends.

DS's main problem is his maths - he just can't sequence and as a result is really struggling with his number work.

I'd love to talk about this... we're going through the assessment procedure at the moment. I'll take him to bed and be back.

hi needanothername,
my brother is dyspraxic, he was diagnosed around the age of 8 iirc. he srtuggled in school a lot, very few friends etc but excelled in college
he found college easier because he did a computer course and so there was NO writing involved lol, i know the school we bothwent to now offers laptops to dyspraxic children as it's often easier for them than writing. perhaps your sons school would do that for him?
anyway, my brother is now very successful in his job, has more (although still not lots of) friends, enjoys mountain biking and other physical stuff and is generally a pretty happy adult!
my mmum basically elt him get on with life how it suited him and he seems to have done really well

It's great getting all this from everybody. I think what concerns me is that I always feel I should be doing more to try to find things that he might enjoy doing, people he might enjoy being with. It's very interesting to hear about your brother, tiy - I think the difficult bit is now. It's accpeted that adults are individuals much more than children. Boys are meant to like football and girls are meant to like pink. So many are so similar at this age, so it's tough to be different.
Also, does the fact that they find it difficult to make friends mean that they are happy without any? I don't want him to be lonely.

The negatives are very frustrating -ie. we'd know he'd like the activities Scouts could offer but no way would he go. In the end you have to let them make chocies nad just offer things as and when. Sometimes I think of the uninhibited child he once was , not self conscious in front of a camera, happy to go to creches .... Hoepfully he will get good enoguh at touch tyopignto soon get a laptop. What I find really frustrating is having to reexplain it every year to a fresh crop of teachers - the feedback of "but he takes it in so well", "he's no trouble" and so on ignoring the obvious lapses in concentration, fidgetting, messy and incomplete lesson work disguising his ptoential Continuity is so important.

needanothername - we have not had himassessed so far. He is really bright and the best reader in his classdespite being the youngest and is good mentally withnumbers.

We have suspected it for a while but until recently he has been coping well but the 'gap'isbecoming more marked and he has had an horrendous start tothe new school year (really rather worried about him).

His handwriting is poor, drawing is very immature. He can swim but I suspect only because we pushed it. He loves to climb but again we have encouraged it. he does gymnastics and is reasonably strong. All of these things we have encouraged because these are things he find hard.

Iforced him to ride a 2 wheeler bike last summer which he can finally do but HATES! He hardly goes on his bike now.

He is messy and clumsy. He has an unusual running gait. He is ALWAYS moving.Can't sit still. Short attention span. Hates scissors

extremelyearly waker

I have a dyspraxic son,now 12 ,who sounds quite like yours except we also have dyscalculia and some speech issues.

I try to gently lead towards things rather than insist and sport is a bit of a no no,although we have had some success with golf,hates it if cold though!I think its because there is no overt competition,in effect he can just play against his own score,it pains me to say it but he loves the playstation and competes on a level playing field on lego starwars with his brothers,have also found games like guitar hero great for co ordination.

A big break through for us was music,at 9 he started to learn the cornet,like a small trumpet,he picked it up faster than anyone expected and although has not made huge technical progress has quiet a wide repetoire including james Bond theme and the theme from chariots of fire!,he gets quite a lot of street cred from his peers for this!

I would second all of LIZS comments at 19.09 as this is ds to a tee.Because of his dyscalculia and dyspraxia he has just spent the last 2 years at a specialist prep school.which has been fantastic for him and he also has SALT,not so much for the speech but for the language,the difference has been tangible,for example he now understands sarcasm and gets a lots more jokes,just becasue he has no speech problems outwardly I would recommend SALT because it has helped him to relate better to others in a social sense.

Fatzak,have you considered dyscalculia it often goes together with dyspraxia,the sequences problems are a big sign.

Have you tried the dyspraxia foundation website,they have quite a lot of useful info and guides for different ages .

anyway I am rambling,but swapping info can be really useful,we are now trying to find the right school for ds next year,small classes have proved to be the breakthrough for him but small schools but which can challenge him academically with support are difficult to find and our local school is 2000 strong,obsessed with league tables and not that keen to have him...still we soldier on

Oh he also loves cooking,animals ;he has 5 hens and 2 guinea pigs and he gardens,I dread the teenage years though,he gets so frustrtaed with things and I can't imagine raging hormones will help that.

Also, and I am told this is typical he often overestimates his own abilities,he will not be dissuaded this can be astrength but can also cause huge downs when he realises he cannot do something(either because it is imposible ,or he just cannot mange it himself)

We have exactly that problem floaty - vast school with a more cosmopolitan, sporty and academic achieving ethos but with a claim to recognise and work to learning styles or smaller, rural, more happy go lucky one with wider academic range. ds is currently at a prep and staying until year 8 which will hoepfully gvie us timeot determine the one better suited.

Also I think there can be misundertsanding about the nature and impact of dyspraxia. Dyslexia, for example, is somehow more acceptable and better supported once diagnosed. One issue I sense is that the parents of ds' peers (but not those of his friends) seem to have lower expectations of him academically than their dc, so are surprised when they are put in sets, and I have overheard some less than generous comments which inevitably come from and feed back to their dc.

This thread has made me smile after days of worrying about ds2.
You could all be describing him to a tee
I've known for years that ds2 has problems and am finally being listened to..
I've got no long term worries for him, he really is very bright, and I suspect brighter than my "G&T"(!) son
But all the things described here, are him. He didn't crawl but walked at 9 months. Hates sport, can't catch, can't ride a bike, can't swim. His handwriting is dreadful, his maths is absolutely terrible (we know he has dyscalculia) He's over sensitive to just about everything but especially clothing...the list goes on and on.
In fact I'm seeing the GP and Head tomorrow and were asked to write a list for the Ed Psych. Dh and I sat down last night and it ran to 2 pages! I was sooo upset at finding all the negatives.. then I thought maybe I was over egging the pudding but dh assures me I'm not.
If you don't mind I'm going to tell you all the positives about him in a minute because I'm sick of being negative about him.

Gosh, it's really interesting, the music seems to be a theme. And animals. Mine loves them, has his own dog because he has always been obsessed with dogs.
And the thing about overestimating his own abilities - I can't really reconcile this with the low self-esteem thing, but both are an issue for us.

How about diet? Anyone done any research on this?

DS can ride a bike. He learnt at the age of 5, but then refused to do so... because he couldn't do it properly (you know what it's like when they start, they have to do a lot of practising before it comes right). Then, one day, about 6 months later, he said "I'm going to rider by bike today" and did. He loves his bike.

mine loves animals too... and babies... and cooking...
I can see a recurring theme here

oh yes, babies

ds1 is desereate to learn the guitar - Ihave been teaching him a few chords - so we are wating for The Letterfromschool. He has the most lovely,tuneful singing vouce too

,y keyboard is broken sorry

Actually whilst you're all here.. Can I ask you about tics...
Ds2 has a very distinctive hand flap that is starting to be noticed by his peers. Is there anything we can do to help him control it?