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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Original poster

I'd love to chat with anyone with a mildly dyspraxic child - need to see where to next.

97 replies

needanothername · 17/09/2009 18:34

Hi

My ds is 7 and was diagnosed with dyspraxia 2 years ago. We have had wonderful support and he has had two sessions of OT and has made huge progress. Like the majority of dyspraxics, he doesn't have all the potential problems that might face him. So far, the only problem in the classroom is his speed getting work done - although he has shown that he is capable with the stimulus of eg a timer. His language skills are and always have been excellent, his artistic ability is well beyond his age, and while the same cannot be said about his handwriting, it is about average for a boy of his age.

His real problems are that he hates P.E and any form of physical exercise, finds it very difficult to make friends (in fact, his friends are all girls and he really prefers adult company) and is incapable of following instructions. He is also a very messy eater and generally a messy child. He wakes early in the morning and until everyone else is up, he "creates" things in his bedroom, from paperchains to watercolours. Imagine the fallout!

We have kind of got used to the way life is with him, but I still feel that I'm not doing anything right by him and I don't know really how to handle him. He has just given up his swimming lessons (he hated them and I couldn't face the fighting any more) and we tried tennis instead, but he hates this too. Is it ok to just let him be? Is it ok for a boy of this age not to do anything extra-curricular and never to play with friends?

I need to chat. I'm struggling at the moment, finding him very difficult and feeling that I am doing everything wrong. I just want to make life better for him but find it difficult to distinguish between what is down to his dyspraxia and what is just him being difficult.

Anyonw out there that has anything to say to me?

OP posts:
LIZS · 17/09/2009 21:31

ds can't ride a bike , in fact it is one of our areas of most conflict . Sometimes we have to use dd who is 3 years younger as a carrot to lure him into activities and situations he isn't really comfortable with. If she will learn then he might be more open to it. Trouble is he is getting to big to force.

popsycal · 17/09/2009 21:31

ds1 loves babies
and ds2 is his best friend

Original poster
needanothername · 17/09/2009 21:32

Your keyboard has a GSOH!

I'm so very happy to hear from you all, thank you for your input.

OP posts:
LIZS · 17/09/2009 21:35

Ir's odd isn't it . Dyspraxia affects up to 1:20, more boys than girls, yet it is so rarely recognised and discussed. I suppose it often coexists with other conditions which perhaps are more demanding.

Original poster
needanothername · 17/09/2009 21:35

Sorry, that post was only accepted on the third try hence late!

Tics - not something we have a problem with.

Ds has a brother who is 3.5 yrs older than him and very active and physically able so it is ultra hard. The majority of his bad behaviour is aimed at his big brother, frustration, anger, irritation - thinks he's trying to show him up.

OP posts:
LIZS · 17/09/2009 21:38

Does chewing and fiddling with whatever is to hand count as tics ? Stress and concnetration bring it on. He used to handflap a bit, which was noticeable long before anyone assessed him.

ingles2 · 17/09/2009 21:40

I think so LIZ... Ds fidgets constantly but has a wide range of twitches and flaps. I think it's anxiety related as well.
The hand flapping is really noticeable though. He does it when he runs as well.

popsycal · 17/09/2009 21:40

ds1 constantly chews his t shirts ect
unfortunately for ds1,his 4.5year old brother isvbery sporty, - runsfaster, colours more neatly, etc

popsycal · 17/09/2009 21:41

no hand flapping here

floaty · 17/09/2009 22:11

needanothername the older brother thing is a theme here,poor ds2 is a midlle one of three boys so there is added difficulties here both for them and and him,somnetimes I can't help comapring other families of three boys who do things togther etc whereas we always seem to struggle a bit with fitting ds2 into those situations.Ds3 also gets frustrated with ds2 when he can't manage lego models etc but on the whole they are good friends,despite the 4 year age difference.He also cries at the drop ao a hat which the others get cross with...interestingly he doesn't do this at school

I think the thing with animals is that they just accept you ,they don't worry about superficial things.

LIZS we are in the final year of prep so looking at schools now,I had a down day yesterday when one school wanted Ed pschs report before even talking to us ,although dh pointed out that actaully this was encouraging as quite a few schools will at the moment accept SEN children as they need the fees whereas they were ay least concerned that they could meet his needs.What part of the country are you in?

ingles2 · 17/09/2009 22:18

just us then ....
so here's my list of what is wonderful about ds2 (he's 8 btw just gone into yr 4)
He is the kindest, most thoughtful boy and always thinks of other peoples feelings before his own.
He deeply cares about all living things and gets very upset if he thinks anything is upset or in pain. (he took the death of our cats very very badly )
He is very loyal especially to his big brother. Even though his db is better than him at many things, he thinks he's wonderful.
He has incredible speech and language and comes out with thoughts way beyond his years.
He has a wonderful creative soul and brilliant imagination.
He's fantastic at history, knows all sorts of weird and wonderful facts and teaches me constantly.
There...
That makes me feel much better.

LRB978 · 17/09/2009 22:24

Will come back tomorrow as am on my way to bed, but briefly:

DS (7 - just started yr 3) was asessed by the Learning Advisory Tutor at school just before the summer holidays and the verbal fedback was that the tutor had noticed dyspraxic tendancies in ds (dyspraxia not explicitly mentioned in the written report as the LAT cannot diagnose, just give feedback and strategies for supporting children within the school setting). Put so many of ds's quirks into perspective.

The website I found most useful is here, and hand flapping is mentioned as an issue, albeit one ds doesnt have.

floaty · 17/09/2009 22:37

Ingles that is lovely he sounds wonderful.

DS2 is also very kind and sensitive and genuinely very likeable,bizarely I think he will do very well in life as he takes what life throws at him and generally makes the best of it.Unkindness towards him worries me more than him he seems to be able to brush it off,this may change with his teenage years ,he is also quite entreprenuerial and this seems to be a trait amongst his dyslexic and dyspraxic friends .I worry most about his being taken advantage of or easily led and he is very trusting and always thinks the best of people.

Proud mummy moment;he has just been made head of his school council and had a "working lunch"with the Head last week,he can't recall what they talked about but he knows he had roast pork!

ingles2 · 17/09/2009 22:45

Thanks floaty. He is....
On Hhs last report his teacher wrote, what a kind and caring boy he was and that he had all the attributes needed to make a fine man... made me cry
Your son also sounds fab!
Bless him with his Roast pork lunch (my ds would just remember the lunch as well... he loves his food)
They are very special people.

TheCrackFox · 17/09/2009 23:02

OMG

You all appear to have managed to describe my own DS1. He is 8 and TBH and he has always seemed to be a bit different from all the other boys.

He loathes any type of organised sports but quite likes golf and running. Absolutely refuses to ride his bike.

Wakes early
Talks loudly but has a huge vocabulary
Very artisic (gifted but I am biased)
Finds it hard to make friends, prefers girls. TBH I suspect this is due to the fact he loathes football.
Daydreamer at school
Quite negative
Fussy eater
Runs funnily

TBH I am not worried about him. He seems fairly happy so long as he is not pushed to do things he hates.

Hmmm, might make an appointment at school. I am not so bothered about him receiving extra support but would like him treated sympathetically regarding PE, especially when he eventually starts High School.

Original poster
needanothername · 17/09/2009 23:02

Is food a theme here too? My ds will eat anything and everything that's put in front of him. He's not always that keen on courgettes but everything, really everything, else goes down and he always wants more. In fact, his desire to consume is frequently an issue.

As well as the Dyspraxia Foundation site, I think this one is very good.

OP posts:
fatzak · 18/09/2009 14:04

Yes needanother name - DS would eat and eat until he burst!!

The funny run crack fox - poor ds runs with his feet at a " 10 to 2 " angle and his elbows working away!

Not sure who mentioned tics, but DS has had a finger clicking phase, a whistling phase and a constantly singing made up songs phase!! I do suspect that these are ASD type traits, but they're not so severe at the mo!

I love this thread. It makes me realise that there are so many other wonderful boys like DS out there and that I must stop comparing him. And now I am going to cry at work

haggisaggis · 18/09/2009 14:21

My dd has mild DCD. SHe CAN swim, cycle a 2 wheeler, eat without making a mess but she trips alot and finds coordinating her body to follow instructions in dance or Taekwon Do very difficult - it is liek she cannot get her brain to transmit teh right signals to her body. She hates PE and finds buttons and belts difficult - particularly jeans. Socially she prefers boys to girls - I think beacuse they just let her join in with football and don't worry that she falls over. Girls tend to play more prettily! She also loves animals and babies - and is very in tune with other people's feelings. She is dyslexic also so reading is challeneg - as are numbers (she still reverses numbers and has great difficulty recognising the numbers from 10 - 20 - she is 7)
SHe is a fantastic, wonderful caring child though.

ingles2 · 18/09/2009 14:26

food is a huge deal in the life of ds2. He's always wondering when the next meal will be and what the next meal will be. In fact he quite often asks what dinner will be when I put him to bed. that's dinner the next day.
He loves many things, but Japanese/Chinese is his favourite along with Meat! And for a small whippet of a boy, can put away massive quantities. I suppose that constant moving and twitching must burn up loads of calories
His behaviour can be shocking if he's hungry mind you... complete emotional breakdown.

OtterInaSkoda · 18/09/2009 14:28

My ds (Y4) runs funnily, too. I wouldn't be so mean as to point it out to him, but I find it adorable. In fact I find all his "awkwardness" adorable - although he's sturdily built sometimes he seems a little Bambi-ish, iykwim. God, please don't think I actively encourage fawnishness btw. But I'm his mum.
ingles - my ds would remember the food, too.
Interesting to hear about the baby thing. Ds absolutely loves babies. It is always commented on - how beautifully he plays with his friends' younger siblings. Ditto animals. I think both are easier to relate to for him. Having said that he also gets on very well with a couple of slightly older (and very bright/sophisticated) girls, on an absolutely even standing (so he's a friend and not their plaything, iyswim).
The negativity is one of the hardest things to handle, for me at least.
Will post again later...

haggisaggis · 18/09/2009 14:35

Yeah - should have added tat dd can be very negative too. She has no middle ground - she eitehr wake sup in afantastic good mood - or is a total grump with nothing positive to say.
Does anyone elses child have issues with bladder control? It is like dd doesn't get teh message to go until she has got to bursting point - so occasionally has accidents. Is this a dyspraxic thing or is it only her?

ingles2 · 18/09/2009 14:38

I forgot to tell you about the meeting this morning. It went well, I think.
The only thing that upset me was the GP asked about Ds's birth (which was traumatic, cord around the neck,had to be resuscitated) and mentioned there could be a link between Dyspraxia and oxygen starvation. I hadn't even considered that sort of thing and as I felt very worried for quite a long time after the birth, made me feel guilty.

WorkInProgress · 18/09/2009 14:45

You lot have made me feel so much better. Ds (7) has dyspraxia and has just started a new school. I am going to see his teacher today, to push for some more support for writing, and to have a chat about friends as he doesn't seem to have made any, and says some of the boys have made him unwelcome. He too is

  • over sensitive
  • easily frustrated
-negative but also highly competitive
  • chews things
He can swim and ride a bike - but it too a long time and a lot of encouragement. He also loves history and is very bright. To be honest he is quite a happy chap, but I have the same dilenma whether to push him to do things he struggles with or let him do what he wants.
LIZS · 18/09/2009 14:54

ds had decelerations and cord around his neck too - look very grey when he finally came out. It can be related but is hardly your fault.

ingles2 · 18/09/2009 16:19

Thanks Liz, I know we couldn't have done anymore at the time.
I spent months looking for problems when he was tiny,I can't believe I didn't make a connection.
I'm going to try and forget about that now though, as dh said, there's no point going over it again and ds wouldn't be ds without his little quirks