Nap training - it's breaking my heart... does it work?

[themothership]

Hello
I've started nap training my 12 week old dd today after an awful week of sitting with her in a dark room for hours and hours trying to get her to sleep and basically not having any life. She's not bad at night - just really struggles with her daytime naps, and is very alert and finds it hard to switch off.
She's on a 3 hour EASY routine, ala the Baby Whisperer. Today I've bee putting her down for her naps awake, rather than jiggling her to sleep which is what I've always had to do. She's cried and cried and I've popped up to see her every 5 minutes, but she's settled within 20 minutes. However, for every nap today she's woken after 40 minutes and then won't settle at all and has just been working herself into a screaming frenzy. I'm trying not to pick her up but it's horrible and I feel like I'm torturing her. I don't know if I can carry on but I know that she needs to learn to nap without me.
Please help - especially re the 40 minute nap thing. I just feel like I'm a cruel and awful mother.

My DP actually thought the covering of the face was because he was agoraphobic but i dont buy that idea myself!

mears, i used to do that with DD1 , but used a large hat that shaded her eyes. it definitely worked and i must admit my MIL thought I was mad !

Oh Tipex, I get that all the time! And it's terrible but I'm always thinking that she's too bloody alert for her own good!

Vickitiredmum - I think that she can't go through the night yet because she's still quite little. Weighed in at 10lb 15 oz on Wednesday. She's tracking the 9th centile, so is very small for her age (now 13 weeks).

Mears - I have literally draped a muslin over her face in desperation in the past, but this has been in the dark room because when there's light filtering through (we haven't got blackout blinds) she still tries to look at things... May well try your tip again if I take her in the pram and will definitely look into the shade-a-babe thing.

Ooh, Vickitiredmum - I meant to ask how everything is going. Is ds still continuing to settle well? Dd has been a lot easier this morning, I think primarily because it's not so hot any more.

Also, does anyone know whether you can use aromatherapy (burning oils, not on skin). My MIL suggested that I try using lavander but I wasn't sure whether it would be safe. And Rickshaw got me thinking about ionisers - she's just come back from the coast, and her dd seemed to be more settled with the sea air so was wondering whether anyone had used an ioniser with any success before.

Had unusually bad night last night - DS woke several times but he has a cold - and so do i! But he's not going for it as much as he was still. Although it took 2 1/2 hours to settle last night and he was awake again at 1.30am and 3.30am - hungry! But he slept the whole way around the supermarket this morning after going to sleep in his car seat. I dont think it has a terrible amount to do with what im doing (although tiring him out helps im sure). I think he is just developing past this "phase" that has lasted 16 weeks! Babies usually respond to methods quicker than 16 weeks - it normally takes a week or two so i think he is just "that way". Your baby is doing ok to be on 9th centile - cant really compare with my heffer - he was 8lb 12 when he was born.

Am really hoping that ds being settled lasts for you, Vicki - it gives hope to us all! And he not a heffer - that's a perfectly normal birthweight. What frightens me is that I know a couple of women who had babies who weighed at birth what dd weighs now at 13 weeks. Very scary!

It took him a while to settle tonight - another 2 hours on and off but he has got quite a bad cold which isnt helping im sure. Also not helped by trying to get DD sorted tonight too as DP was working late so couldnt give him full attention to get him settled - i had to dump him and run so to speak! Im not feeling so great either! Honestly my boy is a heffer - wait until you see him - when i saw GP the other day she thought he was 6 months - not 4! Im not complaining about it (although he gets through clothes that much quicker - on 6-9 month sleepsuits already) coz it means i dont feel the need to visit baby clinic regularly to get him weighed! (Thus avoiding public screaming episode!).

themothership
Have not read all these messages - but I live in Hackney and thought I would just say hi - my dd is 11 months and I had trouble with her daytime naps - although she would sleep in pram it did mean I spent huge amounts of time walking in all weathers as she needed a sleep. I had to keep walking aswell as she would some how sense when I stopped. Anyway after four months I was exhausted and tried to get her to sleep in cot - she would keep for 40 mins come into a light sleep and that was it - I got so stressed about it and looking back it was about other things - dp could settle her no problem and she would sleep for two hours at lunch time. Then it got better - when I calmed down and chilled out and became more confident - I also read somewhere about being confident the baby would go back to sleep and being able to go into her bedroom reassure her and say something simple like its ok - mummy is next door you go back to sleep. I have a very lively baby who rarely looks tired but like yours so needs sleep to recharge. Anyway I hope some of this is relevant and just to say there is a stoke Newington thread where some of us meet up and you are more than welcome to join us...good luck

Hi Janx, thanks for letting me know about the meet up thread. Still a bit nervous about agreeing to go very far with dd - last time we went out beyond the immediate surroundings, it was the 40 minute walk to Stokey for coffee at Fresh & Wild and dd screamed all the way there, and all the time in the shop too. And then did one of those really frightening poos which went all up her back. It was all very traumatic, and I had to make my poor friend leave almost as soon as we'd got there! Am feeling slightly more optimistic given that Vicki's ds is beginning to settle at 16 weeks, so maybe I just need to wait it out a little longer.

Vicki - hope you and ds are both feeling a bit better. I'm sure your ds is lovely Looking forward to meeting you both!

themothership

Haven't read all of the thread but have some experience here! With 1st born I persevered with putting to sleep awake & in cot for daytime naps and managed to crack it (like yours he was an alert & active baby & needed to be made to sleep as he needed it) however when I went to back to work when he was 7 months he would only sleep at nursery when pushed in a pram .. ditto my day off with him!! Second child (girl) now 15 weeks.... also alert and needs to be made to sleep .. have found it impossible to put her down awake for daytime naps as having a toddler means you have so much less time.. I get her to sleep by pushing in pram either inside or out & have decided not to get stressed about it.. as long as she gets the sleep! Good luck with whatever you try.

Hey tms! Glad i am being a little inspirational - he has gone down a bit better again today, but we are currently still having the nightime battle - DP is upstairs trying to settle him at the moment - he has been awake nonstop for over 4 hours now - i dont know how he does it! Have you found any baby friendly places down your way yet? If not - will have a look online later.

oh - jiz28 - totally know where you're coming from with the toddler thing! Only difference being total opposite when she went to nursery she napped whenever they put her down (she slept quite well anyway but slept even better there!). She might have been frightened into it though.....they did almost kill her once. Thats a whole other (dairy allergy) story though...... She constantly wakes DS when he finally gets to sleep at the moment deliberate or otherwise...

Just been catching up with this thread - its horrible when you feel like you're trying everything and nowt's working so every sympathy there. My DS, now 12 months was like this at times but it seems to have settled as he's grown older.

Ignore the mums at baby groups who have perfect sleeping , eating, farting babies! My theory is that when we go to those groups it is usually cos we're not sure and want to know what we're doing is ok. Often people claim that all is well but months/ years later you get the truth! Its only as you get to know people that they're willing to admit to difficulties. Me, I tell everything to anyone who'll listen!

One friend's DS was really grumpy and whingey, eventually her GP told her to move him onto cow's milk and to allow him to sleep on his tummy. His poor mum was terrified of both things (as you can imagine!) but couldn't believe the difference when she tried it. I think he was about 6/8 months at the time (baby not GP!) and there were supplements to be given as well.

BTW I'm up at this stupid hour cos DS has become the hungriest person in the world since starting to walk!

Hope you babe settles down soon. Take heart the perfect ones will get theirs at some point!