Why do British children go to bed so early?

[Builde]

We find ourselves out of sync. with everyone else in that we don't put our children to bed at 7pm; more like 9pm.

We do this because our children are always at their best after tea (they settle down to a good play), if we put our 5 year old to bed at 7pm she would be up at 5am, and it's easier in the morning to have no time at all. (If we have some time, they start to play and we can't drag them off to school/nursery).

It also gives us a chance for a lie-in at weekends and during the week to breakfast in bed before getting the girls up.

Does anyone else follow this civilised routine, or is it just us in the UK?

Definitely a UK thing. I put DD (2) to bed at 7pm but I don't know why I do it because she never goes to sleep until 8pm and she's always up at the crack of dawn. Reading this thread is making me think about putting her to bed later.

Our next door neighbours are Polish and their little boy (5yo) can be heard screaming, shouting and generally running riot up to midnight most nights. I don't know how his poor mother copes.

Bucharest it's not Rome! They are wearing designer clothes, but misbehaving hideously on restaurant terraces.

But it's true that in Rome, from about May, you can't take the kids to play outside or run until at least 6pm as it's much too hot, so that often means playground at 6-7.30, then dinner then bed. You can go to the pool and the beach though. (Remind me why I don't live there anymore?)

Actually, I think what's really British is that total obsession with not disturbing their routine. Refusing invitations because it affects nap time, not taking the kids somewhere because they won't be in bed until 9, even if it's only once. I find that really irritating personally.

It's British because of our dark evenings and so vitamin e disappears and we're tired! We don't do afternoon naps and we finish work at 5pm....
The routine is set around our sunlight.

DD5 goes to bed (and sleep) at 7 30, wakes at 7 30. Any later and she is a rat bag.

Works for us.

"all bedtimes should be determined by the child"

er not in our house

"that total obsession with not disturbing their routine"

You do get lots of parents like this here and in the U.S. but you also loads of folk who have a more relaxed approach.

I do like my dcs in bed by 7pm because they need the rest before school. If they go any later, then they're bolshy. It's quite simple really and not peculiarly British......

RamblingRosa, it's worth a try putting her to bed a bit later (you might have to do it for a while, though to see if it works).

Riven, that's a good idea about napping after school - I might give it a try if I can persuade DD. She does get a chance to nap at preschool, but doesn't take it - probably because it's at 1, whereas her weekend naps tend to be long and late (often 4-7).

mine are 5,3 the two youngest go at 6pm and the 5 year old at 7pm. They wake up at 6am when our alarm goes off because we leave the house at 7:45 and I want time for proper breakfast etc. They do go a litle later on the weekends and get up later. The one year old naps at lunch time for half an hour.

This thread has liberated me from years of feeling mildly incompetent for not having my 4 in bed by 7. We live in Greece, where early nights are unheard of, but I remember being in bed by 7 when I was growing up in England, and always just assumed that this was the right thing, even though I've never actually achieved it with my lot. My youngest (DD3, aged 3.5) falls asleep of her own accord around 7.30, but the others (aged 6 to 11) would probably stay up all night if I let them. They're a bit grumpy in the mornings sometimes (who isn't), but school work doesn't suffer and they're sensible enough to take themselves off to bed when they're feeling tired.

I think eating together as a family is way more important than early nights....

5,3 and 1 that should be

Well I think...

...everyone should just get on with what works for them.

Or is that too sensible?

I was determined to be child-led and never cared about a routine, but we fell into putting my son to bed at about 8, and he wakes up at about 7.30 - has since he was 9 months or so. We've discovered recently that keeping him up, for a meal out or friends over, is disastrous. It doesn't matter when he goes to bed, he wakes at 7.30 regardless. That means 7 hours' sleep. He's a nightmare when that exhausted, and as his routine is shot, he won't settle back into a decent sleep pattern again for several days.

I may not care about set bedtimes and routine, but my son does. Yet another time where the theory and the individual child don't align.

way too reasonable, skip

mumsnet discussions wouldn't exist if everyone was that reasonable

My two are up by six no matter what time they go to bed (mainly because of DS1. DS2 would sleep later if DS1 didn't wake him up). So they have to be in bed by around 8pm to get enough sleep.
I'm a night owl and would really love late wakers. But I got two early birds.

I work part-time and typically dont get home until nearly 7pm. Our DD (2) goes to bed at 8pm and DS (7) goes to bed at 8.30pm and they both wake around 7am. I know many parents from DS's school who put their children to bed at 7pm which I think is very early but the mums dont work and the dad's only see the children at weekends. I guess really its whatever works for you but I love the last hour snuggled up on the sofa with the children.

DS at 2 goes to sleep at about 9ish - he goes up at 8ish for stories, teeth brushing, playing with a few toys etc beforehand.

He wakes up between 7 and 8 ish and that suits us just fine. When he goes to school we'll make it earlier but if he went to bed at 7 we'd eat early, preparing dinner would be an almighty rush, far to stressful.

We didn't have a 'routine' when he was a baby either - he found his own and it was generally at about 9ish then. I think because we co slept until very recently he learnt to fit in with our routine without it being anything conscious.

*too stressful. Hate not being able to edit!

My children go to bed at 7pm on wards because by then I am knackered and turn in to a nagging, whinging, even shouty mum. i can barely read them bedtime stroies I'm so tired, so going to bed later would mean they are exposed to Eastenders, and other unsuitable TV, rather than stories.

I've spent the day playing chess (yawn) building dens, and sweeping up glitter. I want some time alone to have some peace and quiet before I go to bed, and maybe have an uninterupted conversation with DH.

And my children definately don't get up at 5am.

I grew up in the colonies where the weather was hot but sunset was between and 6 and 7 all year round.

My mum used to send us to bed religiously at 7. My sister and I used to like in bed talking for at least 2 hours every night.

Gets up well early too, my mum.

My DD (4.5) goes to bed from 7 - 7.30 any later then she gets very very tearful. But I made sure I instilled a routine from the time she was 6 months though.

Some mornings she is up at 7, sometimes at the weekends she doesnt get up until 8-8.30am.

Really depends on what she has done during the day/week.

I have to make sure that I run her ragged at the weekends, or the little tinker is reading and singing until 9pm!!

I think it is a cultural thing. I used to li ve in turkey when my older daughter was a baby and all the children would stay up late, especially in the summer. They would have 3 months of school so it wasn't a probelm then but they would still be up late in the winter and then they would have to be at school by 7am or something. i have no idea how they managed! My husband is turksih and the children in his family stay up very late very night. They are also very badly behaved and act crazy at times so I don't think it does them any good to not get enough sleep

My two girls go to bed early, my 3 year old goes at 7pm and my 5 year old goes at 7.30, they sleep until 7am, which gives us plenty of time to get ready for school and playgroup. If they got up later it would be a mad rush in the mornings.

In an ideal world we would all eat together as a family every night but my husband doens't get in until late, 7pm at the earliest, sometimes as late as 11pm so we only eat together 2 days a week when he is off.

When we go on holiday they go to bed late and get up later, they also sleep in the day but this is just not practical for us at home. I also like to have a bit of time to myself in the eveings to sit quietly and talk to my husband, read a book etc.

Maybe it suits some people to have their children up late but it also suits other families for the children to be in bed early.

I was once waiting to cross the road next to an old lady and a mum with a todler in a pushchair. The old lady turned and adressed the todler saying "ahhh...hello...what are you doing up young man...you should be in bed shouldnt you". If I had been the mum I'd have felt judged, which I'm pretty sure was her intention. It felt very passive agressive.

I think there is a judginess about in the UK when people see little children up late, and people often make comments about it. I have some very kind caring friends who will tut loudly and get all disaproving when they see a little one out late. I think maybe when British people feel it is "more civillised" in countries where children stay up later, maybe what they actually like is just not feeling judged on that topic? That is: its ok to make evening plans based on what you and your children need, its ok to be flexible, its ok to have an evening out together as a family sometimes. I'm not saying that these other cultures are any less judgy in reality (I'm sure people everywhere judge, its human nature) I'm just talking about perceptions.

Does that make sense?

Not read through as not got time but my two (DD 3 and DS 1) go to bed at around 7-7.30pm and wake at 6.30-7am sometimes DD wakes later. But we have no problem with letting them stay up later for special occasions and both are/were flexible sleepers during the day. DD stays up on a Saturday night with us quite often for an extra hour or two so we can spend some time with her on her own.

I think it is so different abroad since the weather tires them so they nap during the day, I doubt they get any less sleep in total. On holiday ours both take daytime naps (as do we) and stay up until 9pm so we can eat out together and lie in the next morning.