Support thread for those who were under the misguided illusion that their DC would sleep through by six mo - come and join!

[arthymum]

Did you assume that your DC would be sleeping through by the time they were 6 mo - and now you've hit the milestone you realise you were wrong, wrong, wrong as you stagger out of bed 1, 2, 3 times a night?

Do you sometimes can't help but wonder if you'd done things differently (BF/FF/stuck with the dreamfeed/co-slept/put them in their own cot/followed a GF routine/listened to your MIL ) you'd be getting more sleep?

Do you sometimes dread meeting up with other mums with perfect sleepers (especially when said babies are way younger and tinier than yours)?

Are you in a permanent state of confusion and doubt about whether to 'try' something or not (CC, ssh-patt, PUPD, NCSS etc.) but feel it's never the right time (teething, cold, too young) and not sure anyway whether you have the bottle/energy to see it through?

Do you hold out faint hopes that they'll sleep better when they're on solids/when the teeth come through/when they're another pound heavier/when they're in the new gro-bag/when they're on more solids - and each time - wrong again?

Do you mostly cope okay but every now and then feel tired and miserable and sorry for yourself and burst into tears at the postman or get into a petulant fight in Sainsbury's?

Do you secretly fear that you'll be on here in 3 years time, posting about the fact that you haven't slept for nearly 4 years?

Then come and join me! I've seen you lurking on other threads but feel that we need a place to congregate. Share your tears, tantrums, triumphs and tips - and hopefully one by one, we can all eventually disappear off the thread and into the land of nod....

Hey all. DD not being too bad at the moment (though not brilliant) but I have a new project: Can I get DH to sleep through the night? At least once a night he's up, blundering his way from his cot the bed to the loo, tripping over things, waking up both me AND DD (who is in the other room) and generally being a nuisance. I plan to start CC on him tonight. Yes he'll sob and wail and whinge but it'll be for his own good.

Oh Kiwi, I hear you. Many many times I have hissed "are you f(*&ing kidding me" at DH in the middle of the night. I sometimes hear DS peep and I lie there frozen, afraid to breathe (yes DS is in another room, but I swear he can hear us!), when DH suddenly decides to THROW off the duvet and thump his way down the hall, past DS's bedroom, and noisily flush the loo. If it's not DH, it's the flipping cats chasing each other from the top of the house to the bottom and screaming outside DS's door.

Hello - can I join too? My DS is 7mths old and settles himself brilliantly for naps and first sleep of the night. Then, after anything between 4 and 6hrs sleep he wakes for a feed (he's a big lad and I dont mind one or two night feeds), BUT, he then wakes every 2 bloody hrs.

I cope by bringing him into bed with us (yes, I know it is probably that which is making him stir but I have tried putting him back in his cot and it just involves me getting out of bed every 2hrs instead). He does go back to sleep but it means I never get more than 2hrs sleep in one go.

He is easier than my DD who was a bloody nightmare til 18mths, but I just wish he would sleep longer the 2nd half of the night. It feels like everyone I know has babies that sleep for hours on end and it is pissing me off!

Any advice, comfort, alcohol greatfully received!

hello CatBastard - excuse truncation of your name, i picked my favourite words - you have described ds to a t. now he's 9 months he seems to have developed a new sleep pattern - 7pm to 4am, wake for a feed - that seems to last for an hour and a half, though i wouldn't trust my judgement - and then we're up for the day at 5.30.
in reference to yesterday's cry for help, i put his bedtime back by an hour last night, he subsequently let me lie in to 5.30. so i'm going to keep pushing it back a bit til we get to a 6am wake up call. that's civilized.
mom, kiwi, my dh sleeps like FG's baby. not a peep.

Hello everyone! Just marking my spot, have to go and haul DD out of the bathroom...we had to kick the door in on the first day and now it doesn't shut. She can't keep away from the shampoo [crappy army house emoticon]

Hi Staines - DS was a bit better last night - 3hrs instead of 2hrs after midnight. I'm hoping we're starting to see some improvement [deluded emoticon]. Its such a hard slog!

Welcome MyCats. Hmm, well DS2 slept quite well last night - DH tried to dream feed him at 10.30 which he was having none of (tried explaining to DH that DS2 is not a bottle fan but he was not listening) so had a little screamathon then, then DS2 woke at 1 for a feed and would go to sleep if I lay with him and cuddled him for a bit and then woke at 5.50 today. However today he has had a grand total of 4 oz of formula so am dreading how tonight is going to pan out... wish me strength.

Have to join this thread!!

Ok so we're all in the same boat, but where did I go wrong?

I did the whole evening sleep routine thing from about 6 weeks (post colic nightmare evenings) going down after a feed by about 7.30. Waking for about 2 - 3 feeds a night and going straight back to sleep till about 6.30

Then at 4 months we went to Australia for a month. No daytime routine and arrived back at 5 months with a child who couldn't settle herself to sleep at all in the day - she became queen of the micro nap - 20 mins!! and only settled at night with a dummy (which I loathed, but was necessary with the jetlag/longhaul flights)

So we've moved her into her own room, I've just cut out the night feeds and she's on solids. so far, no luck with sleeping through!

I now have a six month old who won't settle herself back without a dummy and is waking up on and off from 2- 4 times a night just to moan. Always the killer hours, from about 2.30- 7am. And I'm back at work next week full time,

So do I just try the hellish, letting her cry herself back to sleep for the next few days and nights? I'm tryin to muster the energy,but worried that I'll crack. she's teethy, but I don't know if I'm just re-inforcing the night wakings or trying to give her pain relief. But then I don't want her screaming her head off in pain, as opposed to screaming her head off because she won't settle.

any advice welcome!!

Leen - many sympathies I am back at work already with a tiny insomniac in tow. With DS2 I find if I do give him meds in the night he will go to sleep if it is teething causing it (try to shush him down a couple of times before then - if it doesnt work will try bonjela teething gel and meds) - so maybe when she wakes crying see if some nurofen for children or calprofen helps her settle?

Agh, it's soooo true that pride comes before a fall! There's me, boasting to everyone about my brilliant sleeper, and on Friday I had to go to work having been awake since 4.05 By the end of a full day of teaching yestersday, I honestly thought I was going to die! Not so bad today (back to 6am) but we did have a 45 minute hysterical screaming sesh in the middle of the night.

Hi leen, sorry it's been rubbish for you. It took DS a good two or three days to adjust himself and eat more solids when I cut out night feeds but since then he's been pretty good really. We did a bit of controlled grizzling at 7 months but stopped for teeth when necessary. I know now that if he's not settled after 20 mins then it's teeth and he really means it and I bung him some calpol and cuddle him until it's kicked in. Not sure that there's anything you can do really

Hi Chulita, how's DD in the new house? Settled in OK?

And hi to mycat, love the name, but I reckon that my cat might be a bigger bastard than yours

Lol at the DHs being rubbish sleepers. Mr FG gets VERY annoyed when I try to shush-pat him.

The irony that it is him that keeps me awake rather than DS drives me barmy. And why is it that they have no idea whatsoever about volume control? He is completely incapable of being quiet but not as bad as my mother (gobby granny).

Hi leen you have my thoughts and sympathy, you really really do. It is awful, my DD was still waking 2 times a night when I went back to work. I cured it by giving her water and it worked, but not til she was 15mths old. Does she have something to snuggle? How is she with naps, does she settle herself?

My DS was a little better last night, slept for 5 1/2 hrs then fed, then 3hrs and 3hrs, which is much better than the 2hrs and 1 1/2hrs.

feral - my cat is currently scary for halloween but I reckon he'd be a tough one to beat on the bastard front

DD is settling in alright thanks fg. I've gone cold turkey on the last night feed for the past two nights and she's actually disappointed me in that she hasn't put up as much of a fight as I thought she would. The first night she woke up around 2am, pushed the water away and then screamed like I'd chopped a limb off for about 10 mins, off and on for 40 mins and then asleep again til half 6. Last night she woke up at the same time but only screamed for about 3 mins and then off and on for around 20 mins. fg inspired me by saying how baby fg didn't need feeding at night so I reckoned it was time I showed DD that she can actually last all night without milk!
DH has threatened to sleep on the futon in the living room tonight because he's tired...bless...he's not the one who's been getting up all night for the last 10 months but he's the one who's got the right to be moody and tired. [sigh] I love him but sometimes I want him to be the one doing all the feeding just so he knows what it's like...
Anyway, off to bed now, hopefully 3rd night will be the winner!
Goodnight ladies!

Hi Chulita - long time no see! how's the new residence? and how's it been with the cold turkey? i still haven't dared try it - he just seems so hungry at night....but then it is a vicious circle. and i can't stand crying.....

staines, 'residence' sounds a bit posh, I've moved from Gloucestershire where there were shops on the doorstep to a 1960's prefab in Dorset where the nearest 'shop' is 3 miles away...no more real shopping for DD's clothes DD still hasn't got the idea of sleeping through yet. Last night I very nearly caved in and fed her but didn't (hooray!) DH hasn't been very supportive because I think he finds it easier when I get up to feed her. Now that we have a good 20 mins of screaming every night he finds it a bit wearing - it is.
I'm a bit worried that dropping her night feed has encouraged her to drop bfing all together. When I try and feed her now she just bites and won't drink. I've been carrying on even though she didn't really want to bf but the night feed was the longest. Now I'm thinking we might have to stop and do formula for the last 2 months. I wanted to bf the whole year but DD just doesn't seem to want it
DD seemed hungry at night but she gets through fine and in the morning she isn't ravenous. I'm glad I've dropped her feed but it's not easy yet...we'll see how long it takes her. So I'm still knackered!
Sorry, that's monstrous - I don't know anyone here, MNers are my only friends!

Bleurgh... really didn't want to have to come over here (no offence!) but I can't deny it any longer, lack of sleep is taking over!

DS (8 months) has always been a rubbish sleeper (had colic as a newborn, so awful evenings of screaming) but has now graduated to bloody awful.

At 6 months, we were doing really well (for us anyway), had ditched the dummy, bed at 7.30, dream feed at 11, a brief waking at between 3 + 4, patted back to sleep within 5 mins, awake at 5. I'd even stopped feeding him to sleep.

Now though it's all gone totally wrong. Without warning he started waking up screaming every hour or so. He was totally inconsolable, only boob would settle him. We then went on holiday which made it even worse - he refused any sort of daytime nap and would only sleep cuddled up to me (we'd never co-slept before).

We had 1 good night when we got home, but then he got ill (croup, then cough, now producing pints of snot). He's now waking several times before the dream feed, takes ages to settle afterwards, then chaos reigns. On a good night, he'll wake every hour, on a bad night, every 20 mins . Feeding is the only thing that calms him down. I've tried not to, but he absolutely screamed for an hour whilst I cuddled him.

What can I do? When will it stop?

He doesn't have any teeth so am never sure whether that's causing any problems. I know I just have to ride it out until he's better, but I know it'll still be hellish.

Must have read every sleep book going. Why doesn't it work then??

Really feel for everyone on here!

oh dear sospan, you may be over qualified! but seriously - just cause you can't see teeth, he could still be getting them, couldn't he? every time ds has pints of snot a tooth appears shortly after. maybe he's doing them all at once.

i really don't have a practical solution to offer, i am in danger of becoming world's softest mum. i always give the boob, i always bring him into bed after midnight, i've got so many rods on my back i could be a chimney sweep. isn't it funny though, (in a not very funny, really staines, kind of way) that we all worry about everything all the time? i am currently worrying about weaning ds off the boob in a couple of months when he's one. chulita's worrying cause baby c's gone off the boob already. i also variously worry about his first day at school, is he eating enough finger food (definitely not) when will i start potty training, will he and his as yet non-existent siblings get on, will the world just go into global meltdown before he reaches 30..........does my mum still worry like this about me?

lol staines , so, so true!

sospan - one mug of coffee and a chocolate muffin coming up. None of us have any ideas but it's good to know that we're not alone... < rescues DD from doorless bathroom again >

Lol at our worries. I worry that the hairy patch at the bottom of baby FG's back won't have gone by the time he's 4 and he'll be bullied at school for having a tail.

Sospan, sorry things have gone so pear-shaped for you but I betcha it's teeth. DS screamed about his for ages before they came through. His toppers were hell for months.

Chulita, could that be baby Chu's BFing problem too? Baby FG can get a bit bitey when he's cutting a tooth. A couple of weeks ago he made me cry he bit me so hard . Then he cried It was no fun.

Lol at the pints of snot though; DS is the same at the moment. After a shocker of a night on Sunday, I got home from work yesterday, took a screaming DS out of DH's arms and the child was like a bloody hot water bottle! He had a temp of 39.7 so did the paranoid mother bit and harangued our GP into seeing us without an appointment and got some antibiotics for the ear infection that was obviously his problem.

Honestly, DH was just sat there going "I dunno what's wrong with him, he's just screamed all day." but he hadn't thought to take his temperature or anything. AIBU to think Mr FG's a bit of a div sometimes?!

fg - she could be teething - the fumes from her nappy this morning actually made my eyes water, she drenches a bib in less than 10 mins, her nappy rash is so bad it's actually bleeding ... She has just cut her two top teeth, one came through after one evening of screaming, the other one was a right bastard and took over a week with her gum really swollen, constant crying interspersed with screaming when the Calpol wore off. I was hoping for a bit of a break til the next ones but maybe not. I can't see any about to break through but the pain starts way before you see anything.
Nights aren't getting any easier - if anything they're worse. I'm losing the plot. You know how somedays you think you're ok and other days you know you're not? [sigh]
How's everyone else doing?

Oh poor baby Chulita and poor you... Here's that coffee and muffin (extra choc chips and slug of brandy in the coffee). I had a rubbish day yesterday too. In my sleep deprived confusion I even phoned the HV for advice. Her offering was that "At 8 months, he really doesn't need feeding at night" - really???? and there's me feeding him every 20 mins at night 'cos I thought he needed it.

Another rubbish night in the Sospan household. If I get a minute later I will post the sorry details in the hope that someone can tell me where I'm going wrong. Couldn't even sleep when DS eventually did as I was having an imaginary argument with Duncan Bannatyne (sp?) about an invention that attaches to the cot and shush-pats babies all night. How's that for losing the plot?

oh and forgot to say thank you everyone for the welcome - it's strangely comforting to know DS isn't the only one.

Hey all, hello Sospan! DD's been good recently but has regressed spectacularly and last night was howling at 2,3,4,5,6... Think she had a stopwatch on. No idea why, no obvious signs of teething and just has a mild cold. Sob.

Oh hello Kiwi! Urgh, sounds like a rough night too.

Seems all the babies are generally snotty, miserable and possibly teething.

As threatened promised, here's how it went here last night in all its glory:

• Fed to sleep at 7. Woke 3 times before I finally gave in and fed him at 10.30, each time he was more upset and took longer to settle but did by shush-patting. Not a promising start to the night...
• Woke again absolutely screaming at 12, tried to settle but he was just getting worse and worse so fed. Didn't settle though, took 30 mins of walking around and shush-patting. Finally back to sleep at 1.15
• Woke again at 4. Too tired to attempt to settle so fed but decided to try and keep it brief which resulted in an hour of screaming, feeding, screaming, etc. Finally took him into bed with me at 5, fed again, he fell asleep and I lay there worrying about smothering/squashing/overheating him until I risked putting him back into his cot.
• woke for the day at 7.30 (the only good bit).

That's a pretty standard night for us at the moment . What am I doing so wrong? (I'm only feeding him to sleep 'cos he's ill and has been so unsettled).

Do you really think it could be teeth? Could they disturb him for 2 months but still not appear? Maybe they are coming all at once and he'll wake up tomorrow with a full set and then start sleeping through

I think I may have found the cure for sleepless babies - it's one or more of the following:

1. Take said baby for 4 mile walk in the rain in the afternoon.
2. Cover her bum in barrier cream at every nappy change.
3. Offer her boob everytime she yawns throughout the whole day.
4. Have MIL and SIL round for the afternoon/evening - let DD get over-excited, put her in bed at usual time after Nurofen-ing, let her scream for approx. 1 hour, take her downstairs and let her play til 7:30 then put her in bed again after Calpol-ing and have a 20 min shower to drown out her cries.

Et voila! Cue DD sleeping from 8pm, little whinge that I ignored at 4am and wake up at 6:45. Oh yes, I put her in a spozzie last night so I could smother her little bum in barrier cream without clogging up my BGs. I'd like to mention that I didn't sleep the whole night through due to DD's monitor going off at half midnight and me tiptoeing in to reset it (I'm a bit paranoid about her monitor - I need it way more then she does ) and DH pushing me out of bed around 3am, cue me clawing my way back into snuggliness and shoving him back on his side of the bed. So, that's what we did yesterday and she slept like a little angel. [sigh] I could get used to that. sospan - feeding to sleep isn't wrong, sometimes they really need it. If DD's ill I feed her to sleep because it's like the ultimate comfort! Your DS's pattern sounds just like DD's up until about 3 weeks ago. We've only just knocked it down to one wake-up a night... And...baby Chulita has bf'd twice today! only little ones but that's twice more than the last 3 days - hooray! [over-excited emoticon] kiwiP, I hope your LO was a happier baby last night!