Support thread for those who were under the misguided illusion that their DC would sleep through by six mo - come and join!

[arthymum]

Did you assume that your DC would be sleeping through by the time they were 6 mo - and now you've hit the milestone you realise you were wrong, wrong, wrong as you stagger out of bed 1, 2, 3 times a night?

Do you sometimes can't help but wonder if you'd done things differently (BF/FF/stuck with the dreamfeed/co-slept/put them in their own cot/followed a GF routine/listened to your MIL ) you'd be getting more sleep?

Do you sometimes dread meeting up with other mums with perfect sleepers (especially when said babies are way younger and tinier than yours)?

Are you in a permanent state of confusion and doubt about whether to 'try' something or not (CC, ssh-patt, PUPD, NCSS etc.) but feel it's never the right time (teething, cold, too young) and not sure anyway whether you have the bottle/energy to see it through?

Do you hold out faint hopes that they'll sleep better when they're on solids/when the teeth come through/when they're another pound heavier/when they're in the new gro-bag/when they're on more solids - and each time - wrong again?

Do you mostly cope okay but every now and then feel tired and miserable and sorry for yourself and burst into tears at the postman or get into a petulant fight in Sainsbury's?

Do you secretly fear that you'll be on here in 3 years time, posting about the fact that you haven't slept for nearly 4 years?

Then come and join me! I've seen you lurking on other threads but feel that we need a place to congregate. Share your tears, tantrums, triumphs and tips - and hopefully one by one, we can all eventually disappear off the thread and into the land of nod....

fg - focus on yourself!! since i've gone back to work the first thing i did was book 2 days annual leave - as ds with child minder anyway, i could spend some time on my own without feeling like i had to rush back.

i have been here - (xmas present from dh) yesterday - it was wonderful, apparently 40 min counts for 3-4 hours sleep and today i went to the hairdresser and got my grey covered up and had a pedicure. i feel like staines again.

am also going back for one more osteo session for both of us on saturday.

it probably won't last, but she did make me think that i'm responsible for looking after me, and it forced me to get really tough with dh - he has committed to cooking dinner for the 3 days that i'm at work. which is quite the breakthrough.....

on the other hand, i look even further from getting ds into his own cot all night!!! but i've decided - one day at a time...when i feel strong enough again i'll tackle it. i don't think i'd realised quite how bad i'd been feeling.

Oooh. I just had a birthday and was given money by an aunt with the express instruction to "go for a massage or something" but floatation really floats me. I'm doing it!

Thank you staines; I am sending virtual girly appreciation of your new hair-do and lovely soft feets your way!

In fairness, DH isn't too bad. It's just that I have to ask for everything and get a muttered "for fuck's sake" because it means he has to unlatch from the XBox.

yes, do it, i am still feeling the benefits of spending a bit more time/money on myself. going back to osteo tomorrow also as back still fairly tortuous.

our dh's must have been separated at birth!

Staines, lol about our DHs having been seperated at birth, shame they both have symbiotic relationships with their games consols though...

MoM, how is your plan going? I have successfully left DS to settle himself the last three nights - no crying. But he's not up for dreamfeeding as he's sparko at 10pm; he then wakes at 11.30ish, when I've been asleep for about half an hour which is just horrible.

He's still waking at 3.30 for a play as well. Last night I decided that I wasn't going to go to him unless he actually stopped rolling around laughing and blowing raspberries and started crying which he didn't do until 4am. Then he had a proper feed went back to sleep until 6.30. I'm not sure if this is a productive tactic though; maybe I'm just teaching him to wake, cry, get fed, sleep? Who knows.

These things will pass.
These things will pass.
These things will pass.

Hi Feral - Plan seems to be a bit more feasible since the second tooth came through. Though I have dropped the dreamfeed part of the plan too...he still wakes at 2 even with dreamfeed. The last couple of nights he has woken at 2 or 3, which is very good going (have had weeks of that killer 12:00 waking). I have tried to settle him without a feed and he doesn't cry, but he also doesn't sleep. Alot of rolling and chatting, as you describe. So I eventually end up feeding him, after 45 minutes or so, once I am tired of lying awake listening for him to go to sleep. My DH is now around again, so I am putting him on duty for a few nights. I really want to push the feed off until 3:00 or 3:30 because then he often goes back to sleep until 6:30 or 7:00. If he feeds at 2:00 or 2:30 he wakes again at 5:00 and I need to feed him back to sleep.

The newest part of my plan is that we have dropped the 3 pm (ish) breastfeed as I think it was interfering with his bedtime feed (I tried a bottle of EBM at bedtime for a few nights and he wasn't even taking 100 ml). Today at 3 pm I gave just 30 ml of EBM in a cup as a snack. At bedtime he finished his bottle and wanted to breastfeed too.

Am quite sure, like all my wonderful plans, this will have absolutely no effect. But all the scheming keeps me busy, if nothing else!

ok, just looking for a little reassurance this morning.

ds's sleep is improving, going through to 6-7am in the morning, couple of night wakings, feeling much better. however, i can't seem to achieve it with him in his own bed. so long as he's in with me, we are all good. am i just wimping out and making things worse in the long run for the short term reward? i know i may be, but i just want someone to hold my hand and tell me it's not a big deal if he's in with me at 8 months old......please???

ah, don't worry! i went to the cranial osteo again today and she said all the things i wanted to hear. i really love her! and she fixed my neck and back at the same time.

MomorMum - you could go into business doing plans for babies on line - if nothing else a plan gives an illusion of control!

Staines fwiw, I personally reckon the path of least resistance is the one to take, every time. What did the CO tell you? Glad you're feeling better though. Maybe we should invite her to live on the commune?

MoM, actually just after I posted last night, DS stirred a bit and I took advantage and went in to dream feed and, hey presto, he didn't wake until 4am He did then do the obligatory hour of buggering about after having been fed but settled himself eventually.

My slight variation on your plan is that I do my utmost to avoid feeding between 12 and 4, unless there are serious tears involved. So far I've managed it but I know it means nothing coz next week he'll be doing something completely different anyway...

Chulita, you there? How are things?

Hello all, thanks for the support (a few days ago now) when I was feeling rubbish. DD was ill with something, then I got ill with suspected swine flu - I'm almost fine now and it wasn't very serious but thankfully DH was off work. So DD may have had swine flu too but has been fine for a few days. BUT now she's in a bit of a tizzy, keeps wailing today and she also keeps grabbing behind her ears. I thought maybe that was something to do with teethign? Except I thought that was actually their ears, rather than behind them - it's more like her neck almost.

Any ideas??

hi kiwi - sorry, no idea, but ds frequently bashes his ears....sorry i can't be more help!

FG - the co is soooooo joining the commune. no home should be without one!!

Kiwi DS always grabs his ears and back of his neck when he's tired and/ or teethy. If I don't keep his nails trimmed then he rips himself to shreds.

Glad you're OK, hope baby kiwi feels better soon too.

So did I kill the thread or are you all too sleep deprived to type, or so well rested you don't need to?!

DD has been rubbish last few nights. Waking loads, seeming to go to sleep, we relax and start getting drowsy.. and she's off again. I can only hope that this IS teething because at least then it might pass... maybe. possibly.

Well, we are still on holiday and staying with in laws but we've gotten desperate and decided to stop night feeding now and see how we go. This was precipitated by trying a bottle of EBM for a few nights and he wasn't taking ANY of the milk, but still wouldn't settle without nursing. So last night was night #1 of DH going in at 2:30 and shh/patting until he fell asleep without nursing. It took 1.5 hours. Ouch. We're going to perservere now - am a bit scared of what tonight will bring and I'm sure in laws are too!

Good luck MoM and sorry baby kiwi is giving grief.

No, DS isn't allowing me to be well rested, his top teeth are ensuring that I am anything but. It could be worse, he woke three times last night but my whole plan of encouraging self-settling and not feeding until 4am has completely gone for a burton.

I just haven't got the will power to try and force anything so I'm just gonna roll with the punches for a while I think...

oh dear...have come on here to moan too....went out for four hours last night and left ds with our cm - she is absolutely lovely but her notes have done my head in! she says 'i think you must try and give him water through the night or nothing soon otherwise baby staines will not sleep day or night without you + he is eating well in the day so does not reall need top ups during the night. what do you think?'

i understand where she's coming from - i had already told her that i'd been feeding him to sleep - this is a fairly recent occurence, and i know it's not ideal. he seems to be having a little separation anxiety since i've gone back to work and bedtimes have become a bit harder work - he's having to go to bed later, in a rush, we're not in the same routine that we'd established during my mat leave.....tonight he's already woken three times since i put him down without feeding to sleep!! it feels like i'm slipping backwards. and becoming miserable...someone come and soothe my brow, tell me it's teeth, remind me i'm just trying to do the best i can?? why does mothering seem to revolve around feeling guilty 90% of the time????

Mom - i have my fingers crossed for you, i keep trying to gird my loins to do the same thing, but can't face it, but don't know if i can carry on - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!

Hello! I've been away for a while, not even lurking which is unlike me. I got to the point where there was nothing new to say, same old crappy nights, then DD got a few teeth and a stonking cold for 2 weeks so it all went to pot. BUT...and this is a big one, Baby Chulita slept the whole night through last night for the first time in her whole life! What's odd is the night before she woke 3 times, I didn't change anything but she just decided to sleep. Okay, so it's only once and most likely won't happen again and I didn't sleep cos my back is waaaaay too painful at the mo but she still did it! I'm sooo proud of her
[deep breath]
staines - it's teeth and teething sucks. Just when they get over one set the next lot come in and then they get a cold. In the grand scheme of things we lose out on a couple of years months of sleep but we get a beautiful baby. Just enjoy him during the day when he's lovely and remember this is just a stage we're all going through.
Good luck mom!

Oh Chulita congratulations! That is just fantastic! Big kisses to Baby Chulita and I am going to be having words with the Feralchild tonight!

Staines, it's teeth. DS spent over a month being complete rubbish because of his top teeth. He had a cold for two weeks+ and diarrhoea at the same time. I felt like I should be back posting on the 4 month thread coz nothing had changed.

However this weekend he's cut his two toppers and so I've spent a couple of nights doing some low level controlled grizzling to cut out the 2am waking. I've never bothered with water coz it just wakes him up. He went from a dreamfeed at 11ish last night until 4am this morning and then straight back to sleep until 6.15. Result!

Also DS is perfectly capable of self-settling when he needs to do it despite my having fed him to sleep every night of his little life. Sometimes he wakes as I put him in his cot at night and then sings and bounces about for ten minutes before dropping off. I'm not convinced that it's the terrible habit that everyone makes out and tbh, often it's unavoidable. One minute he'll be gulping away, the next he's sparko and won't wake for anything despite all my intentions of reading him a book after feeding. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

There should be a guilt emoticon.

LOL fg, it was a one-off, back to the 2 feeds again last night but still, once is better than never!
DD is the same as yours and staines, I feed her to sleep every night and she's exactly the same as your DS.
I really should cut out one of her night feeds. She doesn't need it! It's just easier at the moment.
I'm dreading the next two teeth, we just got over 2wks+ of cold/diarrhoea after getting the bottom two out [sigh].
Hope you're feeling a bit happier staines?

i love you guys! i told mil about the cm's notes and she said 'yes, of course, she's completely right' - she is absolutely being nice btw, but went on to say 'you'll see that when you've had 3 or 4' - to which i pointed out that so far i've only had one, and so can only act as if i've had one.
last night ds woke at 12, had a feed, woke at 2.30, had a grizzle, woke at 5.30, had a fairly early breakfast. i feel so much better! i have given myself a good talking to. if i want to feed my baby to sleep and co sleep and breast feed until he's 12 months then i'm just going to do it and if he turns into a monster i'll be very surprised. and i'll deal with it then.

funny how everything depends on how much sleep you've had, though! i feel so much more confident in my own opinion with a couple of good blocks of sleep......

Ha ha! Baby Chulita has finally [plants ear against door] gone to sleep [crosses fingers] after a 3 hour crying session. Yes, it's hot, we're all hot but we don't all cry ourselves into a frenzy now do we?! Poor little thing, she's gorgeous during the day and mutates some time between 5 and 6pm into a little feeding monster! I've fed her to 'sleep' 4 times already this evening and it's not even half 8.
It's so true that you feel way better after just a couple more hours sleep and then you wonder what you were all down about in the first place! It's so good to know that we're all in the same place

and now i've changed my mind again! last night ds woke at about 10 and wouldn't settle without me in the room with my hand on his chest.....mummy leaning uncomfortably over edge of cot? check. close eyes and beautifully imitate one 'sleeping like a baby'. mummy's hand not in cot? commence screaming like a banshee.
so it turns out that i am able to do a little bit of 'controlled crying' - took ten minutes and he went back off for a couple of hours. i felt dreadful!!! however, come 12 o'clock and i am incapable of listening to a baby cry for longer than 5 mins and he was back in bed with me for the night. which i love..... but i guess i can't have it both ways - ds sleeping beautifully in his own bed and self settling, but having cuddles with mum in the night. i want it both ways!!!!

DD was doing really well, sleep-wise: down at 7, sleep till about 4/5, feed, back to sleep until 7ish. Last two nights she's woken up howling maybe 10 times a night. I have decided that my least favourite word in the English language is "teething".

She's obviously in pain, nothing seems to help at night (painkillers limited success in day, though she won't let me put her down). How long will it last?? She has all the symptoms of teeth about to come through except that I can't see anything at all in her mouth... so do I have MONTHS of this to go??

Hi all - have been away but thought I'd check in with everyone. Sounds like the babies are doing what they do best - being inconsistent! We're down to one feed a night at about 11.30/12 - but like stainesmassif - she's doing the only go to sleep at bedtime with me in the room. Even down to the hand on chest/leg! It's trying.

But - after her 11.30/12 she's going to about 6. We had a couple of nights of fun and games at 3 for about 1.5 hours, but that seems to have stopped for now. And she's dropped a feed in the day as well - so down to 5 feeds in 24 hours from 7. Must be getting more food down her neck that I realised!

And - having disarmed many parents by being completely honest about DD's sleep - most now admit that it's not until 18 months or so that their DCs sleep through (I consider this 12 hours straight - without a peep) - consistently. Glad I've been expecting that from 12 weeks then... I blame Gina sodding Ford for raising expectations!

Hi all.

Kiwi have you tried alternating Calprofen and Calpol? Obviously drugging is not ideal and I hasten to add that I only do it when desperate but it does work ime.

Fufulina, I was talking to my aunt the other day and apparently my cousin didn't sleep through until she was 3 years old +

Staines, I understand perfectly, however DS has now made the decision for me in that now if I try to have him in bed with me, well, obviously that's PLAYTIME!!!

He woke at 4am for a feed, went back to sleep, then woke again at 5am so I brought him into bed with me whereupon he fed some more and then bounced about so much for the following hour that he was sick everywhere

Incensed, I dumped him back in his own bed while I changed my sheets and decided that I might as well get up and face the world but then he suddenly went back to sleep for another two hours! So in the end I got an unprecedented lie-in until 8am

Also. Any ideas on how to re-set a baby's body clock so they don't do a massive poo at 5am every single sodding day?

fg Interesting, several people have suggested that today, I didn't know that it was better/more effective than just giving one. I've done it today - gave her ibuprofen this mornign and calpol at bedtime so I'm trying not to give her TOO much. She did seem a tiny bit less miserable this afternoon so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and touching everything wood in my house that it's a slightly better night...