NEW Support thread for those non sleeping toddlers 18-24 months!!

[andyrobo237]

Just thought I would start a support thread -no hostility in here, jsut good old plain advice and friendly support for all us suffering with poor sleeping kiddies!

DS is 21 months and luckily I can get him to start the night in his cot, and he sleeps for 3-5 hours on his own, and then he wakes up asking for me, so for an easy life, and yes I like the snuggles, he comes in with us. He will then sleep until 7am when we get up. He eats ok and has one sort nap in the day (less than an hour), and has a run around after tea, and then we do the following (for we read I as DH is a waste of space!):

Between 6 - 6.30pm bath with big sister - lots of fun and splashing and have to prize him out

6.30 - 6.45 he is given his beaker of milk downstairs and he drinks what he likes

6.45 - 7pm he goes in his grobag on my knee and we read, he snuggles and has more of his milk - sometimes drinks it all, or leaves a bit

7pm - take him to his room - he happily goes. I put him in cot, kiss, and then sit in the chair in his room with low light, no speaking (I read a book) and within 10 mins he is asleep

7.10 or so - creep out, pull door to and go downstairs to DD who is 6

I used to have a bath around 9 to 9.30 but he would always wake after that, so I have a quick shower after their bath, so I dont disturb him!

He has been waking around 12am these past few days, previously it was 10.30 to 11 ish, so at least we have gained an hour of peace! He wakes up stands up in cot and shouts for me, which if you ignore becomes a cry and sobbing, which fortunately doesnt wake his sister usually. I then bring him into our bed and he settles until 6.30 to 7am, when we get up.

He is not tired when we get up and we get up the same time every day even weekends as DD has early morning activities. I just cant get him to stay in his own bed longer. Have tried the early evening routime again (without the milk) and he does appear to go back to sleep, but when I move he springs up!!!

THis is not as bas as what some people have to cope with, but it is not what we want, I needmy sleep and prefer to have half a kingsize bed not the corner!

We will support eachother and get these toddlers to sleep better!!!

Shoot me down if you want BUT i have had a few children and do know what i am talking about.

ALL children are different, i have bought mine up the same way they all respond differently. I have had my fair share of 'on my knees' nights with all the children.

The controlled crying label is shite for a start. As soon as you say it it is like you all feel you are admitting to some kind of cruelty.

It is well known that babies need their sleep, as do we. They have to learn to get themselves off to sleep and be in their own company. It is easier to do this when they are tiny (the cries are quieter )

The only thing that works imho is consistency. You have to make a plan of action and stick to it, the cruelty comes in when you deviate from the plan. You end up torturing yourself over your 'failure' and the baby has no blinkin idea what is going on.

Pink the routine is good at the start, feed her and put her to bed. That's it. She will cry and may even jump up and own a bit. You may be lurking at the door downing a glass of Pinot Grigot and berating yourslef.

Go downstairs and ignore it. Give her 10 minutes go up and tuck her in saying "bed time, night night" or whatever it is you say. We say " sleepy byes, time for night nights" to Beau. He rests his head on my shoulder and yawns as we enter the room. It is his 'cue' for bed and he is very familiar with it. It works wherever we are, familiarity makes them feel secure.

Repeat this every 10-20-30 minutes. It will be hard, she may not settle for hours BUT she will do it. It will be a rubbish few nights.

Once you have started you must not stop. She will be confused and upset and i wouldnt blame her. Now is the time to act.

thought I'd add my experiences here too. DD generally good sleeper when not teething and would go 7-7 (with BF night feeds occasionally). Then, at 15 months she self weaned and became an absolute nightmare. Waking at 11, 2 and 4, screaming her head off. I used Ella K's at the 4 one a couple of times (she doesn't drink 'normal' milk very much and won't take a bottle, so these were our subsitute). They worked well at 4 and she'd go off to sleep until 7.

We have struggled for two months with the other waking times. When she is really screaming, I find I have to take her into the light and wake her up properly to stop it. I don't know if its development, or nightmares, but no amount of cuddles stop it until she is woken or distracted (things like finding stars or the moon out of the window).

After waking the only way to get her back was co-sleeping with a good half hour of 'nose, nose' where she'd poke you in the nose and then go on to eyes, ears etc. We'd keep repeating lie down and go to sleep and eventually she would. This was so knackering we put down the sofabed in her room permanently and whoever goes to her takes her into that bed until she is asleep, then either puts her back or stays there (if they've fallen asleep). This way at least one of us can sleep through!

Ok, so after 2 months of this she tends to wake once every two to three days, we pick her up and she says ' bed, bed' points to the sofa bed and will resettle there. And sleep til 7. Phew.

Sorry, long post, but thought there may be some ideas there for some of you. And lots of sympathy as its B awful. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and really need what sleep I manage to get when the baby isn't kicking the hell out of me!

good luck all.

chants "this will pass, this too will pass"

Hi FLF - can't believe you're 32 weeks! I hear what you're saying, and I have done the 'look outside, everyone is asleep' thing a lot too, to try and calm her down. But unfortunately, as I have brought her downstairs in the past, this is now the only thing that stops the screams. I tried the window last night, and she just points at the door over and over, whilst screaming and kicking her legs.

Pink you can do this. Make a plan and stick to it. She will respond to it and be a happier child with some decent sleep.

FLF are our due dates within days of each other? I am 12th Jan.

Beau has been teething, he has gone from 6 teeth to almost 14 in 3 weeks. It has disturbed his sleep but reasurring him from the cot side and sometimes giving him a bottle of water with clapol has sent him back off.

He is currently waking most nights but lies there talking to himself till he goes back to sleep. He knows i wont pick him up. It is still waking me though, well that and the million wees i need a night

Hello
Can I join the support group even though DS is only 17 mo? He is becoming a nightmare, awake every night around 3-4am and will NOT go back to sleep in his cot, so ends up in bed with us, but often doesn't sleep just tickles and pickles. He is a twin and his sister sleeps beautifully 7pm-8am. Unless he wakes her up if we leave him to cry it out a bit. Then they are both awake. Grrrrr.

We are moving house soon so will have another bedroom so can split them up. Hooray. This lack of sleep is driving me insane.

You are not being cruel; you are being a mother and teaching her an essential skill. No lights on; no going downstairs. A cuddle and reassurance when necessary(I could never leave dd to cry more than 5 minutes), but DO NOT GIVE IN!! It is the middle of the night and this is a battle that you should win for her sake and yours. It will be rubbish at first, but you are doing the right thing.

penona - of course you can join. I can't imagine how much fun (!) two must be!!

Thank goodness for this thread I am deperate! My dd was a great sleeper as a baby, a real 7-7 baby from about 4 mths old. She is now 21 mths and overthe past 8 -10 weeks or so, she almost always wakes at around 3-4am (sometimes this differs but this is the most common time) and shouts for me, daddy, cries, asks for water, pretends to cry, throws off duvet etc. Anything to get us up and into her room. DH just does not believe leaving her will work, we;ve tried telling soff, loving cuddles, giving her a drink, stroking hair, begging but it can go on until virtually wake up time (at around 7). Last night I got 4 hours sleep, was up with her from 3.30am until 6.30am when I got her up because I was fed up of the battle.

I know this is a long post but I really need some sound advice. My dd is really switched on and despite being a pleasure during the day, I can hear her trying every trick in the book at nighttime( the fake crying is particularly gruelling!). What should we do?

The fake crying is the worst. It's just a noise.

Obv I have no actual advice, assuming you don't want to watch Mr. Tumble at 3am.

Not especially pinkjenny !

Read some other threads about soothing from outside the room (my dd seems to have incredible stamina though, she can winge for hours!), moving from a cot to a bed, taking away dummy (although that doesn't appear to figure very often in the waking.

Any opinions on any of this?

Pink 'man up' or come and stay here for a week. What are you going to do tonight?

I am on the phone if you need to blub.

I'm not sure. I need a plan. So, where do I give her the bottle? She won't drink milk from a beaker. I used to give it to her in her room, but she won't drink it in there now, preferring to drink it in my room.

Oh god keep them in their cot, they can actually escape the room otherwise!

Mine only moved form cot to bed when i was ready for them to move. They needed to be sleeping well first.

Well the twins went in to a bed early but they used to tip themselves out the cot in the morning to play and damage heads. I considered chicken wire for a while...

She will drink her milk if she wants it badly enough, where do YOU want her to drink her milk?

Beau still has a bottle, he drags his V cushion out and lies on the floor with it gesticulating wildly for one of the other children to hold his hand while he drinks it

What LG&T said. Respond to her needs not her wants, PJ. Her need is for lots of good quality sleep, to know when sleep is expected of her and to know what to expect from you (the consistency).

Her want is for you to come trotting along to give in to her every whim. She'll have a tough time growing up if you do that and she expects it from everyone. (And you'll have a sh'te time of it to boot).

I really mean this though. YOU MUST NOT DEVIATE FROM YOUR PLAN.

I would like her to drink it in her room.

Right then tell her that, if she doesnt drink it put it in her cot next to her. Then LEAVE.

You're all very strict. Maybe one of you could come and stay for, oh, I don't know, two or three months?

PJ, we also have great sleepers.

We would not all fit in your house, besides you can do this.

It is not about being strict either, it is about getting some sleep. This is what she needs too.

Nappyaddict is right, check out that thread she linked to. I have had great success and after 19 months of not much sleep, I cracked it and have only had a problem when Dd was ill. She soon got back into sleeping through though. Oh and she's in my room too.

come on pink, the may thread are here to help.. you can do it!