Giving Up Dummy

[Becky77]

OK so I keep reading that the best time to get rid of a dummy is 12 weeks as after that they for dependancy or something! My DD is now 13.5 weeks and uses a dummy to settle herself to sleep only. What I want to know is how long it'll take to wean her off it... How horrible it'll be and is it worth it seeing as she only uses it for sleeping? Oh and how do you settle a baby without forming some other settling dependancy ie rocking, singing, patting?

Thoughts please... Thanks

Hi there everyone, how are you all getting on now? Any luck with the naps Gabster?

DD's sleep has been going really well lately so now it's almost time to ditch the moses basket... I'm a little scared!

Unfortunately my milk supply is really starting to dwindle now since I upped her bottle feeds from 1 to 2... I feel really quite sad about it but am hoping to be able to keep giving her her bedtime and morning feeds from the breast for another couple of months.

hi all

may i join in?

my 18week old Elodie is addicted to her dummy and since its interrupting both her and our sleep, I think it needs to go now.

Can I ask those who ditched the dummies:

Do you think its better to do it the weekend?
Should I start with daytime naps and progress to nighttime or just cold turkey for all sleep?
Did you rock to sleep without dummy or just let them settle themselves? We have been rocking up to this point.
How long do you think it takes to get rid of the dummy?'

I am a bit scared to do it because I haven't really let her cry at all. But I am tired of getting up to put it back in and I want to move her to her own room at 6 months.

Hi TJuice,

I wouldn't start at the weekend as DD is more unsettled due to having DP around hyping her up ... Best time to start is on her morning nap so that you're awake and have two naps to practise on before bed time.

It only took my DD a couple of days to forget the dummy and even on the first night we saw a difference, but then she usually gets fed to sleep in the evenings.

Hopefully your LO will learn to self settle really quickly... but I'd definitely recommend going cold turkey it's made such a massive difference to us

Oh and on the rocking thing... I tried not to rock her as I didnt want that to become a substitute... To start with I just held her and did pick up/put down leaving her for a little longer each time to see if she'd settle herself... If you just make sure she's definitely tired and has a full tummy she'll soon go off.

Good luck! Let us know how you get on

Hi everyone. Bloody computer. This time, it was the cable which ripped and we had to order a new one so been ofline since last week!

All was going well until last yesterday when dd was unwell and up ALL night. I am shattered. Dr said nothing wrong with her and she seems ok today - fingers crossed.

Hi t-juice The good thing about the weekend might be that your partner is around to help...I did it when DH had a couple of days off as I could not do it myself.

It took 3 days. Don't rock as you will just create another prop. Let her learn to settle herself. Start in the morning like Becky said.
I can't bear crying either. I stayed with dd for most of the time until she fell asleep, just stroking her head. I did this for about 20 mins, left her for 5 mins, went in again for 5 mins, left for 5 mins until she fell asleep. Most of the time, she fell asleep within 25 mins (apart from day 3 which was hard). By day 4, she had forgotten about the dummy and was self settling.

okay, thanks for the support.

pick up, put down. is that when you return to them, pick them up and put them down when they are calm again? and then repeat after 5, 10 and 15 mins?

i think head stroking may be more my thing, especially since i have a trapped nerve in my shoulders (from rocking and BF i think)

Yeah but I didn't leave for 5, 10, 15 minutes... You just pick them up until they are calm and then put them down again... Leaving them for a short while (a minute) to see if they settle themselves... Then you can try just patting them whilst they're still in the cot and shhhhshing until calm and then just shhhhhshing... and then leave the room and see if she calms herself... if not go back in and start again

at what point do you put them down - when they get lidded, sleepy eyes or before that?

sorry to ask so many questions but I am a complete novice to this and am the sort of person who needs a plan of attack. have been feeling a bit down about the sleep situation.

i have been bringing her into bed with me after 5am and we sleep until 10 which is nice but probably horrible for a routine. i need to be out of bed by 8 every day, i think.

DD will not sleep!!! She slept until dreamfeed and now won't go back to sleep. No idea what she is doing but I am bloody knackered.

PUPD - you pick them up until they stop crying, then put them down again. If they start crying on the down, you put them down to touch mattress and then pick up again. I think that is it.

@ TJuice - To begin with you could wait until they get really sleepy eyes so you know that she's ready to go... But once you've done it a few times and she's learnt to self settle you should be able to put her down wide eyed and she'll know what to do... Also if you add in some cues that will help her know... for example I put the light out then start singig twinkle twinkle whilst I put her grobag on then kiss her forehead and say go to sleep... Everytime exactly the same.

I would say your 10am lie in sounds lovely but probably will have to go, unless its not causing any problems? My DD goes down at around 6.30pm and sleeps through until 6.30am... It sounds really early to be getting up but I go to bed at 9pm so I'm getting more than enough sleep!

@ pudding25 - Oh no... I hope you managed to get her down in the end

Hi all
Fantastic news to have found this thread as was starting to think I was all alone in the world with similar problems I am having with DS!! Have been trying to access BW forums but site seems to be down so thank goodness for mumsnet!

As there are so many posts I haven't read them all word for word (!!), but we're having the same probs re. 4.5mo DS waking from around 1am-ish (sometimes 2am), needing dummy to resettle immediately, but repeating every half an hour to hour through till I give in & feed at between 3.30 & 5.00am.

Figured growth spurt so cluster fed before bed(6.30, 8.30, 10.30pm) for a few days but made no difference. Has good bed time routine & goes down awake, but we do give dummy.

Have also tried upping day time feed by topping up with couple oz's formula after BF. Again, seemed to make no difference.

Feel like I'm trying several things & changing because I've no way of knowing if they're the right things when they don't seem to work!

Defo think we need to ditch dummy but won't do crying it out.

Is this a growth spurt? Shld I keep increasing day feeds with formula (although I BF)? How can we ditch dummy without doing cry it out?!

Sorry for VERY long first post!

P.S Day naps are really good - 2 to 2.5 hrs for first 2 then 30 to 45 mins late PM one!

Sorry, forgot to add that the other prob we have is that we are still swaddling our very thrashy DS so I guess we have to stop that so he can find his thumb, before we stop the dummy???

Hey there MMoomum

The fact your LO is napping so well makes me think the dummy isn't causing the problem... Does his dummy fall out during the nap but he still stays down for 2 hours?

If you do want to give it up though it would probably involve a small amount of crying... You dont have to leave them to cry it out though... If you read my last two posts that's how I did it and it really was pretty painfree and much better for DD in the long run

DD back to normal hurrah. Good night last night.

Moomum -tell us more. How much does DS eat during the day? Do you use dummy for naps? Quite likely it is the dummy...

I only left dd for a few mins at a time to cry. The rest of the time, I sat with her and stroked her head, put my hand on her chest.

Hi Becky

Hmmm..., yes I think most of the time he stays down that long in his naps whether his dummy has fallen out or not, but occasionally (like this AM, sods law!) he stirs & needs it popped back in again.

I think I would prefer him to be able to fall asleep without it (which he can do out in car or pram sometimes), so will check your posts thanks. Wot about the swaddling though? Was your LO able to find thumbs instead, in which case we'll need to leave an arm out I guess?!

Notice someone has mentoined 3rd lot of jabs & waiting till after them. Are they really that horrid as we have ours soon (a bit late with them!) so wonder if I should wait?

Hi ppudding

I'm BF & he feeds for bout 3-5 mins one side (have had some probs with abcess & therefore supply on that side) & max 10 on the other, & we're on a 4 hr cycle so that's 4 feeds from morning wake up to last feed before bedtime, then dream feed & an early am, so roughly 06.30, 10.30, 14.30, 18.30, 22.30, 04.00-ish

Has always been an 'efficient BFer' so not sure how much he's getting with max 15mins feed time. If I express I get a max of about 6oz's in total from both sides (ie thats the L & R together). How much more do they reckon they get feeding than we get expressing?

He's been having formula one feed a day as I had no frozen supply (due to supply probs!) & at that feed he'll take 7-8 oz.

And yes, we use dummy for naps too. He always goes down awake, the is given dummy, shh/pat for a min if necessary then when quiet left to fall asleep.

Our 3rd lot of jabs were not too bad at all and didn't effect her sleep other than it taking a bit longer to get her down for two nights... Fingers crossed you'll be OK

DD managed to find her fingers which she now sucks all the time... I guess that will progress to her thumb when it's bigger So yes I guess you may have to leave one arm out of the swaddle so he can suck his fingers/thumb... I'm not sure my DD would've been able to self settle without that bit!

Fair enough! Have started to leave 1 arm out for day naps but resorte to full swaddle at night to try to promote longer sleep, which it did at first now I'm not so sure again!
Will have to keep nails as short as poss to minimise scratcges to his face!

Yeah the nail clipping is the tricky bit... They grow so fast!

i just feel like i can't do this at the moment. i am doing some half-hearted crying down thing.
i only just got her off the swaddle . . .

aaargh! demotivated . . . and tired . . .

Oh no TJuice... If you're too tired perhaps wait a few days and come back to it... Hope you feel better soon

mmoomum I never got the hang of expressing and apparantly, expressing bears little resemblance to what baby gets -so if you can only express 50ml, baby may still be getting tons. 6oz in total is tons - i could only ever get about half an ounce!
I would get rid of the dummy. I reckon it is causing any sleep probs.
Our 3rd set of jabs were absolutely fine. We gave her calpol before hand and then again 4hrs later. She was sleepier than normal and the next day, slept for 2 hrs at lunchtime which she is still yet to do again.
We were really worried about the jabs as they were 4 days after we ditched the dummy but she was fine.
DD sucks her fingers all the time now -much more than she ever sucked the dummy! Roll on orthodontist bills but at least we get some sleep. We are rubbish at cutting her nails..feel really bad when she scratches herself.

TJuice don't worry. One step at a time.

okay, i got a bit my motivation this evening and we started. it took 40mins of hard-core crying before she passed out - no dummy and no rocking - just a bit of patting, shushing and reassurance every 5 mins.

no dh will dream feed here at 10.30, no dummy and we are hiding out on the sofa bed! (she still sleeps in our room).

it was horrible and i feel so mean!

hope she still loves me tomorrow . . .

do you have your babies in their own room?

No our DD is in her cot which is in our room

Well done for getting her to settle... Do you know if she self settled or just konked out with exhaustion? Did she find her fingers?

Oh and of course she'll still love you tomorrow

Of course she will love you tomorrow! She will have forgotten that she cried at all!

It is horrible. I hated doing it. I cried over her cot! But it was SO SO worth it and DD, who was happy anyway, was so much happier when she started getting a full night's sleep as she was no longer waking several times looking for her dummy.

She is in a cotbed in her own room. We moved her in there when she was about 13 weeks. She had always had naps during the day in there and also her evening nap from 7pm. When we did her dreamfeed, we used to move her into our room.

I was in 2 minds about moving her but decided to as I think DH and I were disturbing her sleep. It took me longer to get used to it than it did her!

Firstly, apologies if I repeat anything - I haven't managed to read the whole thread.

All three of mine had dummies. Looking back, the use tailed off during the first year - it seemed to be a gradual process that we were all happy with.

At about a year old, I would state that dummies were just for bedtime, and they would be relegated to the bedroom, and would only be used at naptime/bedtime (or occasionally in between, in case of dire trauma).

Somewhere between 1 and 2 (to be honest, I can't remember exactly when) we decided they were old enough to understand, and had the discussion with them about being too old for dummies. At that point, we took them to a toyshop and (after suitable surreptitious discussion with the shopkeeper) they used their dummy to 'buy' a toy they wanted (which we then, equally surreptitiously, paid for). It seemed to work and we never had any 'I miss my dummy' tears/problems.