Please help. I cannot do this anymore. I am afraid I might snap if things do not get easier.

[ElfOnTheTopShelf]

I have posted before about my daughter. She is three in October.
She was b/fed until 18 months so used to fall asleep on the breast until then. Until she was two, we used to lie on my bed to get her to sleep. For the last nine months we have been trying to get her to sleep in her own room. Its a fecking nightmare.
She refuses to sleep without somebody asleep in the room with her. Typically me - she doesn't want anybody but me at night time.
I have to sit next to her, sometimes she'll beg me to hold her hand, put my hand on her tummy, let her rest on my hand etc to go to sleep.
We have tried controlled crying, but she makes herself sick, every night we tried she screamed so much that she made herself sick, after about six nights, I've ran out of bedding and patience.
If I leave the room, she screams and becomes hysterical. And as time is going on, I too am getting hysterical. I cannot do this anymore. I know I am going to end up snapping and I do not want to hurt her. I just want her to go to sleep.
We have tried to get her more involved in her room - we got her to pick out new things for her "special room" including bedding for her bed, we've let her make it her space, but she just wont go to sleep. It can take at least an hour of me sitting next to her to go to sleep.
Please help. Do I just gate her in her bedroom, grit my teeth and stand in the kitchen?
I'm struggling, I really am.
I love her so much, but I just want to be able to say "sleep time" and her go to sleep without it turning into a massive battle.

OH DEAR, YOU REALLY DO HAVE MY SYMPATHY...NOT EASY FOR ANY OF YOU.

Sorry - caps lock on!

My ds has just turned 5 and is still tricky at bedtime. He is very clingy to me, but I think partially because I am expecting a baby in september. He will let his daddy or granma put him to bed some nights but if he is ill, for example, its me and ONLY me.

It does get better, but the slightest thing can set them back (you being in hospital for instance) or a family holiday.

She is very young....she will learn eventually. Perhaps school will help?

Sleep is still not going great, though we have backed away from her bed for a while. We let her go to sleep on the sofa last night, she went to sleep quite quickly and without much fuss.
Tonight she has gone to sleep in my bed. Again no fuss.
I'm going to move her into her bed shortly, last night she was in her room until about four when she came into our room.
It still isn't great, and I'm going to have to get a propper routine in place. But we're going on hols in a few weeks so part of me is thinking just to ride it out until we get back and then try to get it under control.

I didnt go to the HV's, I kept thinking of all the crap they have said to me in the past and I know they'll just tell me to leave her to cry it out in her room.
I am going to see the doctor though, DD fell over today oddly, it looked like she had just passed out. She's been complaining her ear hurts, so I'm going to get her checked out, might bring up the lack of sleep if I get chance.

Sorry no advice, just want to wish you good luck...

My dd is 1 and still bf to sleep and wakes every 1-2 hours to bf through out the night. She will probably get worse with time hope not tho..

Good luck...

Completely sympathise as am in similar boat, would have started thread myself if you hadn't!
My ds2 is 2 1/2 and is usually not TOO bad about bedtime (sometimes have to go back in several times but usually over in 30 mins or so) but is now waking every night and screaming for us.Nothing works - cuddles, reassurance, not talking, getting cross - try to be consistent but if one thing gets you nowhere you have to try something else, don't you? After 2 weeks of severely broken nights culminating in going in 6 times in course of night from 1.15am onwards, dh and I decided to try cc last night. what a nightmare. Ds2 sat by baby gate on his door and howled non-stop from 2.45 till 4.50am, then started again at 5.30 (when he woke up frozen, still on floor). At that point we went back and put him to bed, but he was awake again at 7am as usual. Of course you can't sleep through your darling child sobbing for you, (he woke his brother up too) and I feel so cruel and heartless. But what can you do? I know if I let him into my bed it would make it more of a nightmare in the long run. The only way I can cope with being a full time mother in the first place is if I get some time to myself occasionally (like going to the loo on my own!! and waking up in the morning without small child jumping on my kidneys!) I feel desperation verging on murderous rage sometimes, but also heartbroken for my sobbing baby and at my wit's end.
Sorry, not at all helpful. My first ever post on mumsnet too. Humble apologies if I have broken any netiquette. I wouldn't wish this situation on anybody but it's sort of nice to know that we're not alone.

elf, just a thought and sorry if i am repeating something already suggested, but do you think that your going to hospital really upset her more than she first showed, and now she thinks you may leave her again, having you sit with your hand on her means she knows you are there........ not a solution, but maybe a reason?

Is there something she's afraid of in her room? Some things look scary in the dark. Have you tried reading to her first or leaving a light on? I think all children go through a phase or not wanting to go to bed on their own. My eldest went through this around 2 yo. I used to have to keep putting him back in bed, letting him cry for a couple of weeks. It was tough and I felt really low and cried heaps. Eventually he got the message. He's now 6 and some nights he plays up but I stay firm with him and after 10 mins of him winging he goes to bed (we have to leave the landing light on though).

So far so good with youngest 19 months. I put him to bed wide awake and he plays with his teddy's and eventually falls asleep.

Sorry cannot offer more advice but stick with it, she'll get the message soon

just coming back to the thread (linking it for somebody else, as good advice here, and saw the posts I'd missed)

At the minute, we're trying not to focus on the sleep. We're going on hols in Sep with my parents and I know it will turn into later nights for her, and I dont want to undo any good work we may do. So when we get back from holiday, we're going to try different routes.

At the minute she is mostly going to sleep in our bed (I watch some telly) and she'll fall asleep quickly, I move her to her bed later. She is back in our bed at about 12/1ish.

If she cannot find me in bed, she's hyserical. I put the stairgate across the landing the other day and then went into the bathroom, she woke up at the click of the gate, became hysterical, ran to my room & was screaming because she couldn't find me. DH came upstairs to find me sitting on the loo with her on my knee!

I do think that my being in hospital had a negative effect on her, she has always been a mummies girl and we had never been separated before. When I was in hospital at Christmas, I was also really poorly when I got out (and before I went in) and would throw up nearly all day long (for about two months, fantastic!) and DD then started saying she was sick, and she'd go to the bathroom often to stand at the loo and gag. I think that illness definately affected her, but she was far too young to communicate in any other way than being clingy. The longer stay in hospital in May didn't help either.

Poor mite.

Will let you know how I get on after hols!!

not reading this whole thing through but just wanted to say, that if she is still hving a daytime nap - try dropping that. It helped my boy who had exactly the same problem. made him get to sleep much quicker.

If she wanted your hand, give it to her until she feels secure - she is probably frightened from the controlled crying. We had to do this with DS when I went to hospital to have baby, he was very insecure. Did the hand thing for a while, then progressed.

I dont think its the right time to try and teach her to sleep on her own.

Have you got room to give her a small mattress in your bedroom? You would sleep better if she wasn't physically in your bed which would make you more able to cope with everything else.

I think your illness has really freaked her.