3 yo getting out of bed repeatedly at the crack of dawn - any advice?

[Mothership2025]

Our toddler has been 100% awake and coming into our room repeatedly for hours in the dawn hours - helppp?!!

Background - until this week, our almost-4-year old was sleeping solidly through the night. He doesn’t nap and has been in his own bed since he was 2.5. We’ve never co-slept and he loves his bed. He normally conks out independently and happily after a solid bedtime routine and he used to sleep through loud noises with no bother. He shares a room with his sister who (finally) sleeps through, it felt like we were just getting to a good place with sleep BUT…

The past 5 nights he has woken up in the small hours (eg 4am) and come into our room. We gently return him to bed. Ten mins later, he’s back, still wide awake. Again, returned. Later, back again… and so on… for HOURS. This morning he woke up at 4.30 and played out this farce until morning. I probably took him back to bed close to 20 times. We are all completely shattered and bless him he has bags under his tiny eyes.

He doesn’t seem to know why he’s waking up, and we have no idea why he can’t get back to sleep again - he isn’t scared or hungry or hot or cold. No noise is bothering him. It’s a complete mystery!

So what should we do?? Keep returning him quietly and patiently to bed and slowly go insane from the early starts? Sleep by his bed to quash the waking as soon as it happens? Anyone else experienced this in the late toddler stages?? Thanks so much - all answers appreciated! X

Has he just started school?

Sorry I meant *pre school

Thanks for replying @HopAroundLikeKangaroos - no changes on that front, he’s still at the same nursery and doesn’t start school for another year!

In that case, if no massive life changes, what time is bedtime?

Is he cold?

this will probably get some hate but I would just let him get in to your bed and hopefully he just then goes to sleep and so do you? May be he’s just waking up wanting connection or just misses you? We’re a cosleeping family (2 kids aged 6&2) as it was just easier as my daughter was the worst sleeper and wouldn’t sleep unless she was by my side, still the same now but she sleeps fine. We just coslept with my son from birth and just felt easiest thing to do.
People will say it’s not a good idea to let your child into your bed but he’s your child at the end of the day and the children at the most vulnerable people in your household. you could try it and see what happens.
Also I do vaguely remember my daughter having bad sleep spells around this age, may be some developmental thing.

Thanks so much @MintyElephant I’m a big supporter of everyone doing whatever gets them the most sleep so no hate here 😂 cosleeping unfortunately has never worked for us, it’s way too exciting for him and he is a real thrasher so no one gets any sleep haha. Thanks anyway and maybe it is a developmental thing!

@HopAroundLikeKangaroos bedtime is 7pm, has been super consistent for all his life basically! the mystery continues.

@Grumblegrumblegrumble I don’t think so. He’s usually very warm in bed and often abandons his duvet, the room is on a thermostat so shouldn’t change temp. Thank you for thinking of that though.

What does he want when he comes into you?

@somanychristmaslights he doesn’t seem to know, he has a different answer each time, it’s like he’s casting around for a reason why he’s up, sometimes he says “I just wanted you to put me into bed” but we did, several hours ago and several times since haha

If its come completely out of nowhere he could be getting ill. My two were always off days before I actually realised they were ill and would either struggle to fall asleep, wake up loads in the night or wake up early. Dd1 is 11 and changes to her sleep still indicates she's coming down with something!

Probably a drop in sleep needs and it's time for a later bedtime. 7pm is pretty early and you're likely to get an early morning. Try pushing to 7:30/8pm for a couple of weeks (don't just try one night, it can take a while to reset).

Our five year-old decided to get up at 5 am instead of 630 for a couple of weeks in the summer holidays. They often sleep less when they are overtired so I don’t believe in reducing their bedtime, given he’s only three 7 pm is appropriate.

I presuming normally wakes up about 6 to 630. As long as you have a blackout blind, no bright lights in the bedroom other than a red nightlight, make sure he’s had a wee before he goes to bed and he’s not hungry, I don’t think there’s anything more you could do. I think sometimes they wake up when they are hungry so you could try giving him some more food. I just evens out in the end. It could be due to do with developmental leap or anything.

Take him for a wee, then tell him firmly it’s sleep time. I’d also tell him in the daytime too. He’s old enough to understand, even though he might not like it!
But I’d definitely make sure he isn’t being woken by his bladder.

Would a gro clock work? If there's nothing actually wrong with him and he's just getting up to disturb you then I'd be trying a glo clock and telling him that unless he is feeling poorly or needs a wee then nobody is to leave their bed or make a noise to wake anyone before the clock says so. Hopefully if he isn't actually getting out of bed then he might be able to drift off again.

Perhaps Tonie box or audio book in bed do help him stay there and maybe drift back to sleep coupled with a grow clock?
Although tbh my son comes to my bed at 4am every night and gets in with me then we both go straight back to sleeep

Why on earth would you not let him stay in your bed? This is just a phase. He’s probably had bad dreams or feels anxious and scared and needs his mum and dad near him and is too young to articulate. I can’t believe you retuned him to his bed 20 times in one morning. Sorry but you sound very, very callous. Poor little boy.

I was told from a young age to stay in my bed until 7. I normally got away with 6:45 though. I'd go downstairs and watch TV so not disturbing my parents. Get a gro clock.

No advice but solidarity. My 2 year 9 month old has woke between 5-5:30 for at least the past 3 months.

Later nights, earlier nights, gro clock haven't made any difference 😴

Later bedtime, 7pm seems very early. They are always needing less sleep

He could be walking up for a wee.

Is he dry at night yet? If he’s still in a nappy it could be the needing a wee that’s waking him, but because the nappy quickly absorbs it and he’s sleepy he’s not all that aware of it. You could try limiting bedtime drinks and even potentially lifting him onto the loo as you go to bed yourselves. Also have you tried the gro clock? I found it amazing when my 2 had early waking phases but for it work needs to be achievable so you might need to set it for 5 to begin with than gradually eeekk it forwards. And even better if you can give an immediate reward for staying in bed like a morning TV episode or a favourite cereal.

Why return him to his bed? It’s only a few hours so keep in in with you and you all get more sleep.

The OP has already explained why she isn't doing this.

This happened with one of ours. We put a single mattress on the floor at the foot of our bed and told her that if she woke in the night she was allowed to come in and sleep on that but the rule was she must not wake us up.

She took.it as a challenge! ... we often used to wake and find her fast asleep there.

It didn't last long. It was just a phase.

Wow thank you all so much for your messages, the vast majority really helpful thoughts! Appreciate you all! He does have a gro clock and a good sleep environment and I won’t be changing bedtime or bed but I agree it could be worth trying the wee before bed, and it could be illness! Thank you again - any other words of wisdom always welcome x