Is gradual retreat taking too long with my 4 month old?

[ThatMellowSloth]

Hello, I started the gradual retreat method with my 4 month old one week ago as we were having around 6+ night wakes. It involves putting him down drowsy but awake and then providing verbal reassurance and hand support in the crib and picking him up as soon as he gets distressed. It seems to work well for the first few hours of bedtime but during the night it gets very hard I’m trying to stay consistent and we obviously can’t move on to the next step of removing the hand support until we successfully settles this way first. Is this normal for it to take so long it feels as though I’m getting less sleep than I did before we started the method. Any advice would be appreciated.

4m is too young to do this type of 'training'.

If it doesn't work immediately and easily its not appropriate for your tiny baby.

Try again if you want after 6m or a year. Or just offer the support and reassurance your tiny baby relies on- for very good evolutionary reasons.

Have you read up about the 4month sleep regression? Its a phase and they will get better but its not something that sleep training can fix. We did gentle sleep training from 9months with my eldest (pick up, put down) and i just coslept with my youngest. Id knock the sleep training on the head for a few months until you are at least past the 6m point. Is baby still in your room?

Personally I think 4 months is way to young for any sleep training. You are also in a sleep regression area so it won't work anyway. 9-12 months maybe for sleep training.

Yes, it’s normal for it to take this long because you’ve started this way too young. Your poor child

Who on earth has persuaded you this is a good idea?!

4 months is too soon as stated, sleep regression galore, I wouldn’t attempt anything like this until 6+ months. It’s still quite normal for babies to need feeding regularly in the night at this age. My eldest was waking 2 hourly at 4 months, but we were able to successfully do some gentle ‘training’ at 6 months, he slept through by 9 months. Youngest followed a very similar pattern (although wasn’t as bad as 2 hourly at 4 months!)

4 month old babies are supposed to wake in the night.

I used to put my baby down in the dark and leave the room immediately as advised by Gina Ford and this worked brilliantly with both children.
I knew someone whose kid was nine and she couldn’t come on a mum’s night to the pub until 9pm because of the need to settle her child and stay with them until they were asleep. Do not be that person, she was so frustrated after 9 years of it.

From the sublime to the utterly barbaric..

Too young. Frequent waking is normal, and a protective biological measure against SIDs (which peaks at around 2-4 months). I wouldn’t try something like this till nearer 1, but at the very least past six months.

Four months is way, way too young for this. Your baby is waking in the night because that’s what they’re programmed to do for survival. It is very normal. It doesn’t mean it’s not hard, it’s incredibly hard, but it is normal and doesn’t need training out of them.

I think 4m is too young I say that as someone who sleep trianed their kids.
I also think sleep training works or it doesnt

If you arent getting traction and seeing a significant difference by day 5 give up and try something else.
Getting LESS SLEEP is your sign to stop this 🫠
Sleep deprivation makes it very very hard to think logically... I did some insane things due to lack of sleep...

The 4m that actually sleeps 10-6am is the 1 in 500/ 1 in 1000..... Most are doing at absolute best an unreliable 4hr stint (these are the 1 in 20s and still great sleepers.

Babies aren't a mathematical equation its hard but a lot changes by around 6m then it gets easier hang in there...

4 months old 😬

Even when I sleep trained my baby via a Sleep Consultancy Agency one of the first questions I was asked was: “Is your baby at least 6 months old?”

Sleep deprivation is really awful OP, we can all sympathise with that, but at 4 months old your baby is too young for any form of sleep training.

I really do sympathise but exhaustion is just par for the course for the first 6-12 months after having baby 😞

I think you need to do whatever it takes to scrabble through the next few months and then re-look at training methods when your baby is a little bit older.

Four months is definitely too young for this. Any sleep training should start from around 6 months.

They are still very dependent on you at this age and safe sleep guidance recommends room sharing until six months as one of the ways to prevent SIDS.

You are also maybe going through the four month regression which makes sleep awful for everyone.

If you’re keen to try sleep training, best to wait until 6 months old at the earliest.

Learn about biologically normal sleep and the purpose of night waking and attachment behaviours.

This is not a good idea at all and is in fact dangerous as tiny babies need feeding at night when they wake to gain the necessary weight and grow!!

please share the night wakes with your partner or look into Co sleeping (great stuff and did it with all my 3 babies!!)

Sorry but that's cruel in my opinion, actually has made me sad. You should be in the same room when they're asleep anyway, until 6 months. Night wakes are entirely normal, and night feeds are absolutely necessary at that age. You need to take shifts with your partner overnight to both get a block of sleep. Read Helen Ball's book about sleep to learn what is normal for baby sleep.

It isn’t barbaric at all, it worked well and was common for decades. Teens now are lovely and well-adjusted!

The NHS used to advise strongly against co-sleeping (in case baby overheats or suffocates, or you squash her/him!), has that changed?

💖💯

I thought baby was supposed to sleep in the same room as you for the first 6 months?!

As per many PP it's far too early for any kind of sleep training. 6 months at the earliest.

Comfort your tiny baby every time he wakes up. He’s barely more than a newborn, he just wants to be close to you, it’s normal and healthy infant behaviour and while I know it’s exhausting you need to follow his needs and not some sort of plan you’ve read about. I got through the four month regression by cosleeping and even if you don’t want to do that he needs to have all his sleeps in the same room as you until at least 6 months.

Yes.

Gina Ford is cruel and dangerous. No wonder so many teens and young adults have mental health issues, it's not rocket science.

It's changed - it's much safer to advise on how to co-sleep safely because the vast majority of parents will do it anyway, planned or unplanned. For example, falling asleep on a sofa with a baby is very dangerous, but lying on a clear mattress is much safer.