Is gradual retreat taking too long with my 4 month old?

[ThatMellowSloth]

Hello, I started the gradual retreat method with my 4 month old one week ago as we were having around 6+ night wakes. It involves putting him down drowsy but awake and then providing verbal reassurance and hand support in the crib and picking him up as soon as he gets distressed. It seems to work well for the first few hours of bedtime but during the night it gets very hard I’m trying to stay consistent and we obviously can’t move on to the next step of removing the hand support until we successfully settles this way first. Is this normal for it to take so long it feels as though I’m getting less sleep than I did before we started the method. Any advice would be appreciated.

Yes. Co sleeping is completely fine as long as it’s done safely, which is what the NHS supports.

Gina Ford also isn’t anywhere as popular as she used to be btw. I know she was all
the rage 20 years ago, but today, research is increasingly showing that it’s much better for a baby’s development to respond to their needs and help them feel secure, rather than leave them crying alone in a dark room, which shows a baby that their cries and needs are being ignored and can lead to an increase in cortisol at a very young age.

I had babies in the Gina Ford era, it was not common for decades, it was highly criticised at the time to the extent any threads mentioning Gina Ford were shut down for litigation reasons (because it was so controversial parents rightly spoke against it and the publishing company chased after any websites it deemed disparaging to the Gina Ford brand).

I nearly said the same thing - I do wonder if the extent of mental health problems in teens and young adults is connected to the cry it out method of sleep training, but that’s just my opinion so didn’t post that.

And Gina Ford wasn’t even a mother at the time (no idea if she is now). She was a maternity nurse so is unlikely to have understood the bond between mother and baby and how important that is for a baby.

I personally would only recommend cosleeping if breastfeeding.

Yes that I have also heard - that MN wouldn’t allow debate about her because they would be threatened with litigation otherwise.

4 months is really too young for this, it’s normal for them to wake in the night at this age. Yes it’s exhausting I know I have been there twice but you need to find other ways of getting more sleep. Co-sleeping, shifts with partner, a dummy for example

Put this into context. When I start a new job, I barely know the code for the photocopier by 4 months. It's way too early to start all this stuff.

4 months is far too young.

If the baby cried, what did you do?

This is terrible advice. Ignore anecdotes like this. If you want to sleep train, wait a few more months at least.

To me, the goal is to get more sleep. If it's taking this long, and you are getting less sleep, then I'd abandon it and try again in a few months.

4 months ! 👶
no way …. If u have a Gina ford book 📕-
do what my midwife told me (18 years ago) and chuck it in the bin - heinous !!

Nothing the OP is doing is barbaric… gently soothing the baby in the cot and then picking him up if he‘s upset? Sounds fine.

However OP, there is absolutely no point doing sleep training at 4 months… just do whatever you need to do get him to sleep and start sleep training at 6 months.

Nothing has been mentioned about feeds, I’m assuming at 4 months there will still be several feeds through the night.

There was a thread running a few days ago about the dangers of incorrect medical advice being allowed to be posted on Mumsnet and whether Mumsnet should be removing such posts as they posed a potential risk to life if the advice is followed.

Minasama’s post is worrisome in exactly the same way and perhaps Mumsnet should remove it (I have no idea how to tag them).

OP - do not even consider following this advice!

(Although I’m about 99.9% confident you wouldn’t anyway as everyone knows how fucking stupid, cruel and dangerous it is!)

The barbaric comment wasn’t in response to OP…

Health visitors are a lot more open about it now because they’ve recognised so many mums do it. They aren’t against it and some are even pro co sleeping. This means they can give out the guidance from Lullaby Trust Sleep Safe 7 (eg no drinking or drugs no smoking no loose blankets)

I co slept with all mine and was honest with every health professional. Born 2020 2023 and 2025 and not told off for it ever (although I was prepared to stand my ground)

the most dangerous thing you can do is try to avoid co sleeping by feeding on an arm chair or sofa and then accidentally falling asleep with new born and suffocating them. A bed in the right set up is a lot lot safer