If you had a baby in the 80s/90s what did you do about naps/bedtime?

[RedRobyn24]

I presume wake windows weren’t a thing and obviously apps like Huckleberry which calculated wake windows etc were not around

I have my second child (9 months) and her sleep is exactly the same as my first only this time we have the school run to consider. I’m just struggling with a routine, I want to be able to take her to baby & toddler play groups and classes which are predominantly in the morning, more than anything so I can get out the house because I’m lonely, but she needs to sleep in the morning she’s exhausted and she’s already having to wait until 9 after I’ve dropped her sister off.

What did mums do before? I feel like I’m trying to make sleep better but perhaps I am getting too caught up in wake windows and nap length. I just want her to be happy/content but also go to sleep at 7/7:30 and be fairly settled.

I must be getting it all wrong AGAIN

There were loads of people trying to tell you you were doing it wrong then too. They just did in books. Google Gina Ford for one. Nothing people like better than making mothers feel like shit whatever era you’re in.

Miriam Stoppard was another one. My mum threw my copy out when I was in a state my first DD wasn’t meeting “milestones”.
babies don’t follow Apps or books. Some need loads of sleep and others don’t sleep at all.

You’re not doing anything wrong. Make it work for you. I had 3 children in the 90s. The littlest slept in her pram on the school run but woke to go to toddlers with the middle child. The worst was in the afternoon when they were both asleep and I had to wake them to do the school run.

I had my two in 1993 / 1999 and we never had a nap schedule , the only schedule with the first was my horses and the only schedule with the second was the horses and the school run for the first . Both mainly slept in the car . The first always slept well at night the second is 26 and still can’t sleep right through a night .

Just take her anyway, these groups are as much for you as they are her. You'll find a routine naturally occurs. I found my second needed to sleep in the morning I'd pop her in the pram and off we'd go if she woke up fair play if not in was able to enjoy a brew and some adult conversation

Absolutely, throw the app and books away and let your daughter fit your routine! With my first, I went back to work at 6 weeks so not much use for you, she slept at the childminders and was awake in the evenings but slept pretty well at night. I was fortunate that DH did half the nighttime feeds with a bottle.

Later I had twins. To get around the school run, I found a local student who would come in the afternoons for a couple of hours and look after them while I shot out, collected the older one and did a bit of a shop.

I used to take them to mother and toddler groups in car seats and if they were asleep they might wake up or not and then sleep later. I think it was twins that taught me that it was possible to have one baby or the other awake 24/7 and my sanity wasn't going to allow that so I used to pretty much expect them to adapt.

We didn't have grandparents alive so it was tough but honestly, do what suits you, forget the books etc!!

Late 90s.

I’ve never heard of wake windows.

got up early.

when they were toddlers and only had one nap got up and out early - preschool or activities in the morning then home by noon, lunch and nap. Up again by about three and home activities/school run.

sleep - did routine of bath book bed from about four months. Sleeping six hours (my definition of through the night) from about six months with regressions for teething etc.

Ignore the apps and stop trying to track. It definitely causes more stress. Especially if you are trying to get them down and they aren’t tired yet even if they have had their “wake window”.

Every child is different. My daughter was still having 3 naps a day. Roughly 2-3 hours apart and for a couple of hours at a time. She was/is a late night sleeper which means up later. I also missed lots of groups because they were all at her nap times. It’s only now she is nearly 3 that what are awake for any kind of group. She is just starting to drop that last nap. (As sad as I am because I nap with her 🤣🤣)

I think if you just let her do what she needs, follow her cues for sleep and see what happens. You will see what she she needs naturally and fall into a routine. Hopefully that will be less stressful for you. It is lonely being stuck in all of the time. Maybe look to see if there is and local facebook pages to try and find mums close to you and try and meet up that way.

My sister gained a great group of friends through a breast feeding group when she had her children 18 years ago. I was honestly expecting to get a similar thing or at least a couple of friends but it was hard. I made one friend but once we went back to work it became hard to arrange meet ups. I’ve gone part time now and still struggle because others are still working.

Sorry my reply has turned into a vent for myself!! I think it’s made me realise how much we all need people around us.

Try not to stress too much, if she needs a sleep before school put her in her pushchair to fall asleep and then she’s already in there ready for school run.
My DS2 used to always fall asleep on school run and have a 2 hour nap because he used to wake so early. If I needed to go to the shop, a walk etc I could just go.

Mine were actually 2000s babies, but, I didn’t follow books and would not use an app now or pay much attention to ‘wake windows’ - mine slept when they were tired and if that meant a morning nap we would do things later in the day for baby. You can still get out and about though, chuck her in the pram and go for a walk/coffee/wander round the shops. She can sleep and you can have some time out of the house.

My first 1992 baby spent most of his first years being pushed in pushchair 3 times a day, slept really bad. He went to playgroups where I could drive to so he had a nap in the car. Second DS 1996 slept all afternoon for 3/4 hours and went down at 8 every day, so we did anything going in the mornings.

I used to put mine down for a nap after lunch. They went to bed around 8.30-if I’d wanted them in bed by 7, it would have been no nap or early one. When they had night feeds, they used to sleep in a cot next to our bed so I could just reach over, feed them and go back to sleep. When I wanted to stop night feeds, I’d stroke them when they woke, let them cry and after a few nights, they slept through. We kept my ds in our room until dd was born-he was 16 months and we then put him next door. I was quite strict regarding bed time-they had a bath, cuddles and always a story or poem and then settled. I don’t know if it was the ‘right’ way to do it-but it was the way I wanted. It was a mix of routine but flexible-I fed on demand, for example. I liked Penelope Leach but had no truck with Gina Ford where everything was so rigid. I think you make a plan with whatever works for your family and take it from there.

What's a wake window and a nap schedule?

Honestly the bullshit people tell new mums....

I had two in the 90s and one in the 2000s and used the same techniques. I am a recent grandma, the difference is striking, until the point the sleep consultant was called in and then it was very similar.

So first child I found around three months, was not sleeping as well as I wanted, would not go down to sleep without a lot of rocking etc, not practical, especially as I fell pg with number two around that time.

Sleep trained number 1 (ds) by letting him cry to sleep. Took one week, actually more like a few days. Cried altogether for 1.5 hours the first night and then 1 the second, and it reduced significantly the following nights.

With number 2 (did) from birth I had a clearer structure for her sleep. After the first week or when sleeps were three a day (bottle fed so easier to do ime) I always put her in a different room, so upstairs, in a darkish room. So there was a distinct ..time to sleep…and not using the living room etc. Although, noise was kept the same, I wanted them to sleep in an environment with noises etc.

When at home they went down for their naps, generally around the same time of day, but when very young babies I also relied on sleep cues.

There were no sound machines, sleep windows, sling sleeping or even taking them out in a pram/car to get them to sleep. Because dd was put down awake from birth, she learnt to self soothe. I know the studies would say that’s not possible from a young age, but it worked with all three of my children. They all slept a dream really!

Mine were born in 79 and 81, and I never had a daytime routine. I had a full size Silver Cross pram, and I walked anywhere I wanted to go and they either slept or didn’t. When they were too big for that, they went into a pushchair.

At home, they fell asleep if they were tired, mostly on my lap, and I’d shift them to a mat on the floor/pram/cot if I needed to.

If we went out in the evening, they would sleep anywhere - friends’ beds, carrycot under the table when they were small enough, two restaurant chairs shoved together.

I have a lovely photo of one of them standing up, leaning on a large footstool somewhere, absolutely fast asleep.

I dare say if I was a good mother, I’d have been rushing to rescue him, not wandering off looking for a camera. But I never read the bloody ‘how to know you’re a shit parent’ books, though, and we’ve all survived.

I'm learning new terms - DC were born early 90s - no idea what wake windows are about lol. TBH I can't remember exactly what we did for naps, but I had 3 children within 3 years so it's all a blur 😂

I'm sure they went down for a nap after lunch coz I remember them going to nursery/playgroup in the morning and then having a sleep in the afternoon, and by the time the eldest went to school the youngest must've been past napping in the day.

Some good advice above

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd It really is isn’t it. All babies are different. Son born 1988. Good baby with a good routine. Nap in the morning. Up for some lunch. Nap after lunch. Up by 3.30pm then bed at half 6. I’m not saying it always went as smoothly as it sounds but that was the routine.

WTF is wake windows?

I had my son in 1977 and I didn't have a nap routine. If I wanted to go out, I just went. I put him in his pram and when he was older his pushchair. If I was driving he'd go in his carrycot. I took him almost everywhere with me, including social events. If he fell asleep, he fell asleep - which he usually did in the fresh air or the car. What the hell are wake windows?

I had my kids in the noughties and even I have no idea what a wake window is, or why I'd need an app. They slept when they were tired, if I had to go out or do a school run, they could sleep in the pram.

I just went with they sleep when they are tired or in the car seat, they would always fall asleep in the car otherwise mine were not very sleepy, slept through the nights but regular naps were given up very early, my mum tried but even she gave up after hours of rocking. Still night owls now!

I had kids from 1999-to about 2014. Never heard of a wake window.

You can try making bedtime later so baby wakes up later and nap will be later?

Mums were much less stressed about doing everything 'right'! And happier for it too in most circumstances I would bet.
Advice from family/ friends/ books was sufficient.
I loved Gina Ford's routines as a general guide, worked brilliantly for me. Others hated them.

No experience of parenting in the 80’s/90’s myself but I remember my mum saying that there wasn’t the same concern and rigidity around nap schedules back then. But then I also suspect there were less classes and activities for babies and that everything was a bit more relaxed and there was less expectation to attend every class going. My mum took us to the mother and toddler group in the church at the bottom of the hill and that was about it! So it would have been easier for babies to just sleep when they needed to.

My LG was the same in the mornings- quite an early riser (6/6:30) and ready to sleep again for a looong nap by 9/9:30. I only took her to baby yoga and bookbug and on those mornings I would always walk home when the classes finished at 10:30 for the specific purpose of getting her to nap in her pram. But yeah she’d be very grouchy by the end of the class. Other mums would go meet up at the coffee shop after and I would always wonder why their little ones seemed bright eyed and bushy tailed. I was always careful about trying to stick to her nap routines, wake windows etc as much as I can. When she was a bit older and taking a two hour nap after lunch I would refuse to let anything disrupt that and if I absolutely had to be out I would try to make sure it involved a long car ride or walk. I like to think my pedantic-ness around naps led to her being a pretty good sleeper (and still being). But every family is different in terms of what works for them and babies do adapt and also have different temperaments.

Mid-80s to early 90s for my three.

We always went out for a 45-60 minute dog walk after breakfast, and again around 2pm. During the day I used to put baby in the pram in the garden if it wasn’t raining.

They all napped in the pram, sling or buggy, but I never scheduled their daytime sleep, fresh air did the trick.