Leaving child awake at bed time

[Silverbelles]

What age could you finally put your child in bed, read them a story and then leave while they were still awake and they would go to sleep on their own?

We put our toddler to bed at 8, sometimes she sleeps straight away but some nights she's up for 2 hours wide awake and won't sleep. I'm sick of not having any evening time to myself at all because by the time she's finally gone to sleep at 10 it's time for me to go to bed too. I'm dying to just put her in bed and leave but as soon as I leave the room she starts crying so I have to sit and wait for her to go to sleep.

Just want to know when we can get some evening time back.

What happens when she doesn't go to sleep? Do you interact or just sit by the bed?

I never stayed with mine until they went to sleep!

With my son it was about 18 months. With my daughter (she's currently 24 months) there's probably one night a week when she's drowsy enough for me to hold her hand for ten mins and then say "sleepy time, ill check you later" and leave her to go to sleep alone.

What does this two hours look like? I assume she wants to interact with you, how do you respond? What does your bedtime routine look like in the lead up to 8pm?

Ditto. They settled themselves.

Which is fine if they chill out in bed. Less so if they are upset. I happily left mine if they were chatting or singing to themselves but if they were upset I went back because they needed me.

I've never stayed with them and always left them in bed awake, even as babies.

Mine is 6 and is still calling me to go in his room or is awake and chit chatting/messing with his teddies until around 10pm. He just struggles to switch off and the crosser i get the worse it is for him so just leave him to it most the time as notbing will work. I just read a book or watch TV in my room and occasionally pipe up to tell him to be quiet. He isn't causing any trouble to just go in and check on him before I switch my lights out and he's usually drifted off.

Racking my brains to remember. For years I just moved us all upstairs around 7pm, and, after stories etc, I pottered about doing various bits and pieces, or sat and read a book, or sent emails, until everyone was fully settled.

I just found it easier to accept that no one would fall asleep without me nearby than be disappointed by false hope.

I know I’m a bit soft but expecting small dc to be comfortable putting themselves to sleep alone after hanging out of me all day strikes me as odd when mammals sleep in packs.

We had a pretty good routine - no extra stories, there was a rule about staying in bed once tucked in, and later a lights out time to stop reading.

probably around 8 or 9 that they’d head up to bed without me, but even now that they’re teens I’ll occasionally sit with them for a bit if they want a wee chat or are worrying about exams or something.

sorry this is probably not what you want to hear at all!

We did all the getting ready (loo, pyjamas, teeth) before coming back down to read, chat and snuggle for half an hour, so when we went back upstairs and put them to bed that was that. No prolonged chatting in their bedroom or having to sit there while they nodded off or sneaking out of their rooms. Actual bedtime was a two minute job and they always self settled,

I started doing this with my two year old with a Tonie box on which was fine in his cot,
Now he's not in a cot hellish bedtimes are upon me again

I just sit next to her cot reading. She doesn't want to interact she just wants me there. She just rolls around her cot chatting to herself or shuffles around or whatever, no interaction from me, but if I get up and leave she starts crying. So I don't actually do anything I just sit there, which is fine most nights because it's just 20 minutes but some nights it's over an hour and now I'm back at work after maternity leave I resent giving up that hour and a half because it's the only time I have for me and my husband.

I've tried just putting her to bed and leaving and going back every couple of minutes if she's crying but she just ends up so distressed she's wide awake and it makes the whole thing longer and more difficult, it's actually quicker and easier to just sit with her, which has always been fine until now but I want to stop it now I'm back at work.

Sh doesn't need me to put her to sleep she's doesn't get rocked or fed to sleep or anything. She just won't be left in the room alone.

I like this idea maybe we can try and audio book

We have dinner at 7, bath teeth and pjs at half 7, bottle cuddle then in the cot at 8. We can't have dinner any earlier because we work until 6.45 and it's important that we eat dinner as a family.

Sometimes she's asleep by 8.10, most nights it's 8.30 which isn't a huge problem. It's the nights she wont sleep until 9 or half 9 that are the problem and making me want to just drop her and go.

Sounds like a ‘disappearing chair’ technique could work for you. Every couple of days, sit a metre or two further away until you’re at the door?

I have tried this but there seems to be an invisible line in the middle of the room which is unacceptable to cross, if I stay her side she's fine, if I cross to the other side she gets as inconsolable as if I'd left the room 😭

She doesn't really like being left alone in the day either, if I put her in the play pen she will cry as soon as I walk off and won't stop until I come back.

Does she still nap in the day? Maybe time to shorten that if she doesn't settle till past 9pm!

I'd persist with the disappearing chair method or try leaving her just for a minute at a time while you "go get something" then gradually increase the time. That way she gets used to you not being there but grows trust that you always come back.

I’ve never really stayed until mine were asleep. Calm and settled, yes, but not asleep.

This, I've left mine since they were babies to fall asleep on their own. My eldest is 3 now and it's story, into bed, lights off and door shut as has been for years now.

So your babies never cried when you walked away from them and left them alone?

When DS1 turned 6 months he went in his own room. I'd sit him in his cot with some milk and leave him. I'd go back in when I heard him wake 12 hours later. DS2 is now 6 years old, we finally got him to stay in his own bed when he was about 4, but most nights it's a battle to get him to stay in bed and go to sleep (although we don't stay in the room with him) Good job we had him second as he'd have put us off having another 😆

What happens when DH does it?

Exactly the same, she gets upset if she's left alone.

4 yo. Very happy to be left after lights out now

Screamed every single time before then so we stayed with him. Then at 4 he said, you can go now. It was a miracle

Can my miracle come early? I'll sacrifice a goat and everything 😂