Leaving child awake at bed time

[Silverbelles]

What age could you finally put your child in bed, read them a story and then leave while they were still awake and they would go to sleep on their own?

We put our toddler to bed at 8, sometimes she sleeps straight away but some nights she's up for 2 hours wide awake and won't sleep. I'm sick of not having any evening time to myself at all because by the time she's finally gone to sleep at 10 it's time for me to go to bed too. I'm dying to just put her in bed and leave but as soon as I leave the room she starts crying so I have to sit and wait for her to go to sleep.

Just want to know when we can get some evening time back.

@SilverbellesThere is no fucking way I am leaving my child to cry it out. I'm not teaching her that when she's upset or scared no one comes.

So carry on doing exactly what you’re doing then OP. It’s your time you’re wasting.

Mine were all around 2 when I could put them to bed awake and leave them to drift off on their own. (Except for the youngest but that was a whole different story!).
Before that, I’d hold them or lay with them and they’d fall asleep within 15 mins, then I could transfer them to their bed and leave. When I begin putting them in bed awake, I’d read a story and sit by the bed, minimal interaction except for “it’s sleep time now” when needed. After a few days of that, it clicked in their heads that it was bed time, and they’d fall asleep pretty quickly on their own.
Edited to add: I never left them to cry or if they were upset.

From when dd was 3 months old I put her down awake and left her babbling until she fell asleep.

I do not have the patience (especially at the end of the day) to faff about at bedtime. To sit with them for two hours is madness imo, I refuse to be a martyr.

11 months

shes 17 months now and 7pm every night she’s down in her cot and she falls asleep on her own, never ever watched her until she’s fallen asleep

around 6 weeks.

From when we sleep trained at 7 months.

Wow your hours spent on the bedroom floor really have got you grumpy. What a turnaround from your OP though where you said you were “sick of it” and “dying” to have your evenings back because your 14 month old is up until 10pm. Sounds like everything is fine and dandy now. Phew!

You want to know “when” other people’s kids went to sleep by themselves but you don’t want to hear the responses in the thread. It’s not about “when”, it’s about “how”. Most people made some kind of effort to achieve that. What do you want people to say? That there’s a magic button hidden on her somewhere that makes her fall asleep on her own?

My evenings watching a movie or playing board games with my husband, going to the spa for a swim, meeting friends for a drink, or going to the cinema might be “dull as fuck” to you compared with your hours spent on the floor, but I’ll keep them thanks. Staying in from 3pm to 6pm with a toddler for the brief period of time when they are still napping was lovely. We went out every day from 10-3 then spent late afternoons at home playing, enjoying the garden, eating dinner together, followed by peaceful bathtime and bed. Now he’s nearly 4 and we do what we want and he still goes down 7-7:30 every day without fuss because we put the work in from the start.

You don’t have to leave your child to cry to fix it but your updates show that there’s no problem to fix so continue to enjoy every minute OP 😊

It’s not about “when”, it’s about “how”

Lol. Of course it's about when. That's literally what my question was. I never asked how. But sure, you just carry on deciding what my thread was about! 😂

I've got exactly what I wanted from this thread, many posters have told me their children were naturally ready to be left alone between a variety of ages from younger than my daughter until 4. So there's no set answer, they're all ready at different times. Fine. My daughter doesn't need to me to put her to sleep, she can do that herself as explained already, she just isn't ok with being left alone at night. Which is actually perfectly normal behaviour for a mammal who is vulnerable when it's parents leave it alone.

Glad you're the perfect parent that can live their whole life around not going out after 3pm, it's so great that you prioritise your child's sleep needs above real life, or going to work, or nursery, or other commitments or any other sort of commitments. Enjoy your boardgames you've clearly earned them 😜

You seriously think needing to feel safe and secure at night and wanting chocolate are the same level of need 😳

One aged 2ish, the other aged 8!

I work. My child goes to nursery. We travel. We have lives. We go out whenever we please.

You are absolutely raging that people on this thread have given you advice you don’t want to hear. If you’re happy sitting on the floor up until the age of 4 or beyond, why did you make the thread? what happened to how sick of it you are? What happened to those evenings you’re just dying to have? If it’s all good then what’s your problem? Your OP and your subsequent posts don’t match up.

After story time it's lights out and I leave the room. My youngest is 2 and he's been used it this since he was around 8 months olds because I put him and his older brother to bed at the same time.
Some nights they chat to each other for a few minutes but most nights they are crashed out with a minute or two.
I'm hoping that things will remain the same once I move the youngest to his new bed.

I sleep trained both at 6 months to self settle. My Ds1 (now 5) has never messed around, he still has a little comforter and goes straight to sleep.
My Dd2 (2yo) sometimes goes to sleep without a fuss, especially if someone else puts her to bed. Sometimes she'll call out for everything under the sun for an hour or so and eventually I lie on the floor shushing, she's very clingy.

Honestly, I always, even as babies, put mine to bed awake, and they went to sleep by themselves without crying. I didn't put them to bed til they were tired, and also went to them instantly if they woke in the night and needed something. Never let them CIO. But once they were fed, clean etc, they went down awake and fell asleep by themselves.

Equally, I know more than a few people who were laying in their kids bedrooms in the dark every night right through junior school.

I too never sat with my 3 till they were asleep.
That ship has sailed for you and you are faced with a habit to wean her from.
But anyone who has a new baby ... learn from this! Start as you mean to go on!

Not since they were babies. Bedtime routine and then bed. My 7 and 4 year olds often play quietly in their rooms with Lego or other toys, but always asleep by 8:30 at the very latest (unless on holiday etc). I put the baby down awake - he sometimes grizzles for about 5 minutes, but mostly is asleep within minutes; if he was full on crying it would mean he either wasn't tired enough or there was something else wrong which I'd try to attend to (but doesn't happen often). Routine from early on is important. Not having an evening to myself after busy days with three children would make parenting far more difficult and less enjoyable.

As an aside, my mum always sat with me and jumped up at every whimper. I appreciate she did this out of love but actually I remember being a crap sleeper and waking up crying in the middle of the night and being scared to be alone in my room, and actually the tension it caused when my mum was then tired. It's part of what made me want my children to not be like how I was and to feel secure going to sleep by themselves.

You do all that before 3pm!? Incredible!

I made the thread to find out when most children start being ready to be left alone at night. That's the literally the title, the question, the point of the thread. Many people answered the actual question which was useful to know. I don't know why you're obsessed with me sitting on the floor like some suffering martyr. I have a rocking chair next to the cot from when she was a baby and sit and read while she falls asleep. It's boring and I would rather be doing other things with my evening and it gets annoying when she's up late which is why I wanted to know when children generally don't mind being left on their own at night because I wanted to know how long this will be a problem, but most nights she's asleep by 8.30 which is fine. OP literally says "some nights she sleeps straight away, some nights she's up for hours". I would like all of my evenings back now I'm back at work, I previously didn't mind.

I am quite pissed off that sanctimonious super mummies came along to lecture me on how to parent properly. Dictate a nap schedule and house arrest as if it's the proper thing to do or the child isn't being prioritised 🙄. As for the people who leave their children to cry themselves to sleep, well, I certainly won't be taking any advice from people who think that's ok.

You seem confused as to what this thread was actually about love. You got to boast about your superior parenting though so I guess you got something out of it? Daughter's asleep now so we're going to enjoy our evening. Shame those board games and your leisure time table of rich evenings is less enthralling than Mumsnet! I won't be wasting my evening on this though. Good night.

My son is 8 and I still stay with him, He actually went to bed independently for the first few years so we've done it a bit back to front.

First child age 5
second child from birth

Both of mine from baby’s. Under one, but just because that was the way that we did bedtime & they learned from a young age. I’d imagine it’s harder to deal with later on. Must be hard for you OP. Evenings are much needed ‘me’ time for mums..

Before 3pm? I think it’s you who has trouble understanding what people are saying. We’re well past that stage now. That was a short lived phase of responding to my child’s needs for a few chilled hours at home in the late afternoon while they were still a napper so that I didn’t fuck up their sleep for the night. It’s truly weird that you see this as some great hardship when you’re the one posting on Mumsnet about how you’re “sick of not having any evening time to yourself”. I’ve never lacked an evening to myself, because I didn’t get myself into the position you’re in. You can fix it if you want. Or don’t. Clearly you’re fine with how things are all of a sudden. I see she finally went to sleep at quarter to 9 🙄

I’m just out the spa. That’s what I like to do some evenings when my child is in bed. I recommend you scrap sitting for hours in that chair and leave your husband to it. Go to the spa, go to the cinema, go for a walk, meet up with your friends. It will cheer you up.

This is what I did too. Otherwise you just make a rod for your own back.

Never really, I used to give her a bottle and read to her in my bed and then put her in bed when she’d dropped off but that must have stopped about 18months when she was too big for me to safely transfer without waking her. I just let her mess with her book or cuddly toys and eventually she drops off. Obviously there are nights occasionally where she’s fussy and I’m up and down the stairs a million times, but they are few and far between

Same here.
I don't understand why anyone would.

Your question was when can children be put down to sleep whilst awake. I chose to do this from the start with mine. When very tiny they were usually asleep by the time I unplugged them from breast and put them down but very soon I was leaving them in the cot awake with some distraction ... mobile, music whatever and they would gradually drop off after a few squeaks.
As they got bigger there were routines with songs and poems and stories but once these were done (always the same number) I gave them a kiss and left them to it.
There were breaks in this routine if they were ill of course, but the principle that you go to bed on your own was just the norm for them. They had never known anything else.