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Original poster

What do you do when sleep training doesn’t work? 6 month old cries for more than an hour… I am so desperate. Please help.

142 replies

IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:07

Hi everyone,

Our little boy has never been a good sleeper - he would only sleep on us or in the car. I co slept for a few months but it was unsustainable.

We started doing gentle sleep training (pick up put down and shush pat) when he was 6 months. We did get to a place where we can now get him down in his cot, but after 3 weeks, we’re going backwards - he is waking more through the night and the soothing doesn’t work to get him down anymore.

We have now tried controlled crying but he literally does not stop crying. We go in at different intervals and put a hand on him and say our little phrase but he never ever gets to a point where he actually stops crying. He goes over an hour every single time.

Everything I’ve read says if it goes on for over an hour, you should offer some more comfort, and tweak your approach, but I don’t understand how to be this flexible but also be consistent. It seems completely contradictory.

My mental health is really bad. I’m crying all the time. I feel like I want to scream and run away.

I dont know what to do. What the hell do you turn next if leaving your child to cry doesn’t even work?

The only way I can get him down now is to do the CC for almost an hour and then do deep pressure hand strokes on him and he eventually stays asleep.

I am beyond exhausted and desperate to not feel like this any more.

If anyone has any tips or advice, I would be very appreciative.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:33

TuesdayRubies · 20/02/2025 10:18

Poor baby. He's getting traumatised by the sleep 'training' I.e. being left alone to cry for hours. How can you do this to your precious child?

Are you serious? How can I do this to my precious child?

I am genuinely asking for help and advice and you throw guilt like that.

I am desperate to find a solution where my precious child gets the sleep he needs and I don't go completely insane.

Do you genuinely think saying things like that are helpful and kind?

OP posts:
Keepkondoing · 20/02/2025 10:34

IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:27

Please don't say I'm awful...

I am in a desperate situation and I am looking for help.

Can you go back to co sleeping? Why didn’t it work?

My daughter loves her sleep and has been an amazing sleeper since she was about 2.5. Before then she was pretty bad, we tried controlled crying but it was clearly not going to work for her (she’s would cry and cry and get into a complete state). She went down in her cot to sleep at bedtime fairly ok then slept for a few hours, when she woke in the night I brought her into bed with me where she went back to sleep and we all slept well. At about 2.5 the co sleeping was becoming uncomfortable for all of us so I bought her a big bed and she’s slept in it really well ever since, she’s a teenager now with an even bigger bed!

Don't beat yourself up about it, lack of sleep is awful, just do whatever works for now.

Original poster
IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:37

Chelseaflag · 20/02/2025 10:31

I’m not sure that any of the above responses are helpful to a relatively new mum who is clearly struggling and has reached out for help.

OP, there are really mixed opinions on sleep training. As you’ve seen above, some people feel really strongly about it, others swear by it.

I think so much of whether sleep training works, however that is done, depends on the child themselves. I think your little one is saying that this method isn’t working for him. There are lots of Instagram pages relating to sleep, and I’d bet there’s some local sleep consultants near you who might be able to help if sleep training is the route you want to go down.

Is there a way you think co-sleeping could be made more sustainable if that’s the route you’d rather take? There’s also lots of resources online around this, namely the lullaby trust for safer sleep guidance.

Sleep deprivation is really hard, I hope you get some helpful responses and please don’t feel bad for having tried well publicised methods of getting your baby to sleep.

Thank you ❤️

I will try anything - I just don't have much energy or resilience left to keep trying different things and my brain is so fried from sleep deprivation I don't know what to do.

We've already used a sleep consultant but I'll get back in touch with her and see if we can get some more support.

OP posts:
Original poster
IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:38

FriendsDrinkBook · 20/02/2025 10:31

@IJustNeedToSleep then he needs to keep trying. It's really the only way. He can also take him out for walks and you can sleep.

How are your baby's naps? Are they long enough for you to get some sleep? Will your baby nap in a vibrating bouncy chair or similar?

He will only nap on me.... which has been part of the problem as I've never been able to catch up on some sleep.

He also won't take a bottle so is still EBF.

OP posts:
Original poster
IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:39

Woppa · 20/02/2025 10:32

In our case, my health visitor said wait til a bit older. Have you tried co sleeping? With both ours we co slept til 7 or 8 months then introduced them to their own room, bedtime routine and finally sleep trained. Sounds like you need to reset and try again in a few weeks/couple of months.

Thank you.

Maybe we'll go back to co sleeping for a bit and reset and then try again in a month or two.

OP posts:
FriendsDrinkBook · 20/02/2025 10:41

I see that he'll only nap on you op. But it might be the case that you have to feed him then send him out for a walk with your partner so that you can get some sleep. What's stopping you from doing this?

Original poster
IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:42

FriendsDrinkBook · 20/02/2025 10:41

I see that he'll only nap on you op. But it might be the case that you have to feed him then send him out for a walk with your partner so that you can get some sleep. What's stopping you from doing this?

He works full time...

He also hates the buggy!

And he'll only do 30-45 mins if asleep in the carrier...

OP posts:
TuesdayRubies · 20/02/2025 10:43

I'm sorry if I didn't sound 'kind' to you but I'm trying to be kind to your baby who doesn't deserve to spend one hour per night crying.

FriendsDrinkBook · 20/02/2025 10:45

@IJustNeedToSleep what about when he's not working, evenings weekends etc.

30-45 mins in carrier is a start. Will he accept your partner wearing him?

I'm asking these questions because this is desperate. You need sleep , even if you survive on naps.

TuesdayRubies · 20/02/2025 10:45

As an aside, he will probably wake up less to feed if you cosleep at this age, teething aside, especially with protein in his dinner.

Original poster
IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:46

FriendsDrinkBook · 20/02/2025 10:45

@IJustNeedToSleep what about when he's not working, evenings weekends etc.

30-45 mins in carrier is a start. Will he accept your partner wearing him?

I'm asking these questions because this is desperate. You need sleep , even if you survive on naps.

Edited

Thank you - I appreciate your help and questions.

You're right about weekends - we could definitely try that more so I get more of a break.

Thank you

OP posts:
lemongirl1985 · 20/02/2025 10:46

I used to have a next to me crib, lowered the railing, baby in the crib and my head in the crib, too 😆 If baby felt my breath next to her and my hand on her chest she'd sleep for 2-3 hours which was a great success. A very bad sleeper for 12 months then magically turned to the biggest sleep lover in the family so there is hope.

Original poster
IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:47

lemongirl1985 · 20/02/2025 10:46

I used to have a next to me crib, lowered the railing, baby in the crib and my head in the crib, too 😆 If baby felt my breath next to her and my hand on her chest she'd sleep for 2-3 hours which was a great success. A very bad sleeper for 12 months then magically turned to the biggest sleep lover in the family so there is hope.

I did exactly this! I would lie there heavily breathing on him!

Like all the other things we've tried - it worked for a while and then stopped so we had to try something else.... and that just kept happening

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 20/02/2025 10:48

My daughter is 10 months old now and has never been a great sleeper so I do know how exhausting it can be, but I think it’s quite obvious that the current way isn’t working for your baby- an hour is far too long for a 6 month old to be crying.

Sleep training really depends on the baby as much as it does the method. I have spoken about this with other mums from my baby classes and there are a couple with 2 children who are saying the techniques that worked perfectly for their first child haven’t worked for their second, or vice versa, it’s as much about the baby as it is the method, this isn’t working for you.

FriendsDrinkBook · 20/02/2025 10:49

@IJustNeedToSleep I'm not going to insult you by asking if you've really tried everything. I've been where you are and it's the worst. The only thing that worked was having another person take my son during the day so that I could sleep. I stopped expecting night time sleep.

Original poster
IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 10:50

FriendsDrinkBook · 20/02/2025 10:49

@IJustNeedToSleep I'm not going to insult you by asking if you've really tried everything. I've been where you are and it's the worst. The only thing that worked was having another person take my son during the day so that I could sleep. I stopped expecting night time sleep.

Thank you ❤️

OP posts:
Toddlerhelpplease123 · 20/02/2025 10:53

Sleep training doesn’t really work for most babes until 8/9 months.

FriendsDrinkBook · 20/02/2025 11:06

While things are like this please be kind to yourself op. Accept help , get your shopping delivered , limit morning appointments etc. Order takeaway for dinner on the most exhausting days. Use a laundry service if you need to. You'll get through this.

Original poster
IJustNeedToSleep · 20/02/2025 11:27

FriendsDrinkBook · 20/02/2025 11:06

While things are like this please be kind to yourself op. Accept help , get your shopping delivered , limit morning appointments etc. Order takeaway for dinner on the most exhausting days. Use a laundry service if you need to. You'll get through this.

Thank you ❤️❤️

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 20/02/2025 11:31

Sleep training is often heralded as the magical solution and I know far more babies/toddlers that it made things worse for than better, although it is usually a much-loved process on MN...

I'd go back to co-sleeping; in a top, and push through this bit. It will get better but for now you need all the sleep you can get.

oustedbymymate · 20/02/2025 11:34

What's DH doing in all this?

Is he still on the boob?

Personally I would wean the boob to a bottle and split the night with DH and get some ear plugs. You go to bed say 7-11 DH is in charge of baby. You sleep. 11-5 you're in charge 5- to leaving for work DH in charge. If you've got a spare room person in charge of baby sleeps in there you sleep in bed with earplugs.

mumtoababygirl · 20/02/2025 11:36

These comments are all awful.

Your baby needs to sleep, you need to sleep, and you’re just trying to find a way to do it.

My baby is the same, she’s got a bit better now but it was terrible for a while. It made my mental health so bad and I even hallucinated a couple of times.

Cosleeping is always suggested in these type of threads but it’s not for everyone, I do it out of desperation because my baby does sleep better like that but I absolutely hate it.

I don’t have any advice, just want to say you are not alone in feeling like this and certainly not awful. You won’t do any lasting harm with your baby - really it’s only been the most recent generation that don’t just do cry it out for the most part.

Chocolatepavlova · 20/02/2025 11:39

Is he crying like this after being fed?

I’ve been where you are, it’s bloody awful, you have my sympathy. Personally, I don’t think sleep training works for such a young baby who is ebf. I’d stop that now and work on a gentler method for you both, which is essentially stay and comfort but not allowed to sleep on you. He learns to fall asleep on his own, without being on you. Takes a bit of time but it’s so worth it if you persevere. If you can get him to take a bottle then great (mine never would), there is another way.

Fingerscrossedfor2021HK · 20/02/2025 11:40

@IJustNeedToSleep i haven’t read everything but first of all - ignore the snarky comments from the people who apparently are happy to spend years not sleeping. You are NOT a bad mother and nor are you going to cause emotional damage by sleep training.

Now, that being said - your current approach clearly isn’t working. How does he go down for bed? Do you have a set routine? Does he fall asleep independently when he first goes to bed or are you patting / holding him to sleep?

My first woke up every 90 mins for the first 10 months! We had created a feed to sleep association and he basically couldn’t get to sleep without being fed. What worked for us was as changing how he fell asleep - so it was bath, bottle, teeth, sleeping bag, bedtime book, song and then straight to his cot.

Happy to (try) to help if I can - not an expert but someone who has also dealt with severe lack of sleep xx

Oldermum84 · 20/02/2025 11:55

My nearly 15 month old is like this. He slept a lot better at 6 months though, has got worse. It's awful. He still only sleeps on me or in the car too.

It could well be teething though. Have you tried giving Calpol and nurofen?