Do i have to go to bed at 7pm??

[Blu3Bell]

Baby is turning 3 months soon, so I want to get in a good sleep routine. I know this means an earlier bedtime rather than 10/11pm which is what we do now.

My question is, if im putting baby to bed at 7pm ish and NHS guidelines state baby has to be in the same room as an adult for all day and nighttime sleep, does that mean I'm expected to be tucked up in bed at 7pm too for the foreseeable future? I can't see any wayy around it but surely not everyone is doing this?

Any advice/ideas appreciated x

I used to sit in the bedroom with my DC until 6 months when they moved to their own rooms. I'd watch something on my ipad, read etc. In some ways it was quite nice having that enforced downtime at the point where they were still waking in the night for feeds. It doesn't last long x

I totally agree with all of this. My first took the longest to sleep through (10pm-7am), at 12 weeks and the youngest slept through by 8 weeks. Getting them into a sleeping and eating routine is good for them, good for parents. All out of nappies during the day by 2, and at night by 2.5. I feel so sorry for all the parents out there who are made to feel they need to agonise over every decision.. it must be so stressful. Obviously any health issues make life much more complicated, but barring those, there is no reason for night wakings or children going to nursery at 3 still in nappies. Sometimes us grownups need to toughen up (if we can, again, health issues aside) for the long term good.

Twelve months? Why? Even 6 months is based on shaky evidence. The risks are infinitesimal. I put babies in their own room at 4 weeks, and outside in the garden for daytime sleeps. We all slept really well. Everyone was calm and happy. The reality is that if you have a full term healthy baby, put them to sleep on their back, don't bed share, don't smoke, there is practically zero risk to their wellbeing.

No, you are projecting. It is vanishingly unlikely to happen - around 200 babies in the whole of the UK each year. Around 500 under-7s die is car accidents.
The fact your friend's baby died - and I am sorry to hear that - does not change the statistics and is not a personal attack on you or your friend.

Bedsharing, as long as safe sleep guidelines are followed, is statistically safer than putting a 4 week old baby in it's own room to sleep.

No it isn't. Because people don't follow the safe guidelines. Most SIDS deaths are now due to bed sharing. Why is it risky to put a baby to sleep on its own? There is no evidence.

Is there a trick to get babies sleep in the living room with you on evenings? My first had a massive sleep upheaval at 4 months and wouldn't sleep with any light or noise (apart from white noise). My second now 3 months seems to be heading the same way. Parents in this thread who say their babies sleep with them in the living room with the lights and TV on.. how? Did you do anything, persevere til it just worked? Or does it depend on the baby?

My youngest is four and I don't remember anyone telling me I had to physically be in the same room at all times while they were asleep. They slept in our bedroom until they were about a year old but I didn't sit in there the whole time. Sitting in the dark next to them from 7pm seems extreme, I don't know anyone who has done that. What about nap times? Do people sit in there for every nap too? That's the only time I had to do anything

And yet some of lowest rates of SIDS are in places where bedsharing is the norm...

Yes this- it helps them regulate their breathing too, small apneas are very common in babies. But also you will be aware of their needs better if they are in the same room, aged 8 weeks my son began making the strangest but faintest groaning sound in his breathing, I flew out of bed and my gut told me something was wrong so raced him to hospital, if he wasn’t in the room I would have been totally unaware. He had meningitis and deteriorated rapidly in a and e, due to immediate treatment he recovered with minimal side effects. Had I not taken him when I did being aware of that grunting he would either not be alive or severely disabled. I implore anyone of the ‘I put my kids in their own room from day 1’ brigade to read and consider this

A monitor with a breathing pad and video is going to know much better than an adult in the same room but doing something else (also how big is the room… our downstairs is fully open plan!) if there is an issue. I’ve realised the safe sleep guidelines gave me far more anxiety than necessary. I was a mess as soon as babe started sleeping on her tummy I’d lay awake at night ready to flip her over🤯

we used the cubo monitor. It worked like a dream.

This!

I didn’t. Baby in our room and check up on him from time to time. We’d go to sleep at around 9 anyway as baby up during the night, but previous 2 evening hours of ‘me’ time.

my son would be dead if he wasn’t in my room, I would never have realised he was sick

I'd keep the baby with you for at least 3 months, either in living room with low light and quiet TV or you / DH with them in their room.

We co-slept with the baby in moses basket in our bed for 3 months at least then he slept with us once he was a bit older. There were times when his breathing or heart were odd and I felt that having him close did prevent anything odd happening. For most of history we have kept our babies close at hand and it makes logical sense to me that having input from moving bodies and co-regulation with mum's/dad's breathing and heart beat is natural (no idea of the science and not read whole thread). DS was not the best sleeper ever to put it mildly, but he's now a stroppy 15 year old and sleeps fine in his own bed after we're told him to switch Alexa's musical input off about 50 times.

There has to be a balance between the parents wellbeing and the baby's and practicality, particularly when you are dealing with very minimal risks and a very rare condition that affects 0.02% of babies. I think all this talk of going to bed at the same time as the baby is crazy, and I simply couldn't have had DDs in the same room with me for six months as the bedroom wasn't big enough to get a ruddy great cot in it with a large bed, wardrobes etc, and they were very quickly too big for the moses basket - there were more direct risks such as them falling out of it or not sleeping very well in it as the mattress is so thin, then none of us sleeping at all and all of us going slightly mad with sleep deprivation. Just eliminate the obvious risks like smoking etc and otherwise do what is practical and reasonable for you.

We tried all the routines Gina Ford was all the rage then - I should have just followed my instincts instead of reading 1000 baby books that all said wildly different things. In the end, I did trust myself. DS has SEND (we realised only when he went to school) but happy and thriving.

Yep me / us too!

This, absolutely, this. Such a minimal risk. I wonder if it's not more risky having exhausted parents (or indeed a tired, fractious baby) due to lack of sleep/time alone than the 0.02% of babies.
Both ours were in their own rooms from early on, with a monitor. Great sleepers both of them, well adjusted and secure attachments, and we're a very close and bonded family.

Hence, WHY I said "as long as safe sleep guidelines are followed"!

It regulates their breathing by being in the same room as them, this is scientifically proven.

If you look at the bedsharing deaths of babies, these have all been due to the guidelines being broken. That is NOT safe bedsharing. As I said, bedsharing, when safe sleep guidelines are followed IS statistically safer that leaving a young baby in a separate room. The statistics are there.

I believe most SIDS cases associated with bedsharing are actually on sofas or with intoxicated adults.

it never even occurred to me to stay in the same room 24/7 as the baby.

How does it even work with multiple children?

I completely agree with this. I was a slave to bedtime routines and they made no difference whatsoever to DC's sleep patterns. Just to my sanity.
Moses baskets are perfect. They create a familiar sleeping environment but can be put anywhere.

I'm sorry but this is awful advice and unsafe.

Babies don't self soothe, however they do learn not to signal particular needs when parents don't respond. The baby is 3 months!

Exactly, the safe bedsharing guidelines were absolutely not followed in these cases.