Do i have to go to bed at 7pm??

[Blu3Bell]

Baby is turning 3 months soon, so I want to get in a good sleep routine. I know this means an earlier bedtime rather than 10/11pm which is what we do now.

My question is, if im putting baby to bed at 7pm ish and NHS guidelines state baby has to be in the same room as an adult for all day and nighttime sleep, does that mean I'm expected to be tucked up in bed at 7pm too for the foreseeable future? I can't see any wayy around it but surely not everyone is doing this?

Any advice/ideas appreciated x

My LO is 13 weeks. At 7.30pm he goes in the bath, then into dark nursery to be dried/lotioned and put into clean nappy. PJs on and into swaddle then breastfed in nursing chair.

I put him to bed in our room at about 8.30, then use video baby monitor and Owlet to monitor him remotely until we go to bed at 11pm. With the Owlet I know that if his heart rate/oxygen levels dropped I would be alerted so could run straight up the stairs to him.

I would’ve kept him down with us all evening til 6 months but he REFUSES to sleep if TV on/we are there (he is super nosy) so all naps and night time sleep are upstairs now

Absolutely not! We put all 3 of mine to bed in their moses baskets in my room and had some time to ourselves. Get in a good routine early and enjoy your evenings. Just invest in a decent baby monitor.

I found with mine that around the 3-4 month mark, being in the living room with the TV on was unsettling for them so they were put to bed with the baby monitor on, the bedroom is the next room as we live in a Bungalow but they were both absolutely fine. Getting a good routine for me was key. You can always pop in and check on them as much as you like.

This is what I do. Baby falls asleep around 9 downstairs with us then I take him to bed properly when we go. As poster says baby monitor doesn’t replace being in the same room.

Years ago the advice was different, in their own room by a year. My DC was small at birth and I fed him nearly every 1-2 hours, he slept on me during the day, whilst I maybe chatted with a friend, or listened to the radio. For the first 3 months he intensely fed.

We compromised and used an apnoea monitor after bedtime from 4 months - if DS had stopped breathing it would have set off a blaring alarm. (Downside: it also went off when we forgot to turn it off and lifted DS for a feed during the night ).

Why do you need to change babies bedtime now? You can move to 7pm or whenever when they are bit bigger. Keep them with you until 6 months at least it’s just not worth the risk. They are tiny for such a short time.

I don’t think some of the terminology here is helpful to mums who may be really struggling. Staying in the same room as baby slightly reduces the risk of SIDS.

Telling mums it is more likely their baby will come to harm if they have to put baby down to bath toddler kids, eat a hot meal is done to make them feel guilty.

Everyone has to make their own choice and risk assessment, I’m not criticising anyone who strictly keeps baby in same room or those who choose not to. Just like I wouldn’t criticise anyone who formula feeds!

mumsnet loves a bit of judgment….but there is no reason why baby can’t go down where you are. Eg if you’re making dinner, tending to another child etc just get a Moses basket you can move about

Mine are 4 and 1 now.
They were both in their own rooms from 3 months. We were disturbing the babies (they would wake all the time) and they were disturbing us. Everyone was tired and grumpy. Now they mostly sleep great!
4 year old has probably woken up in the night 15 times since moving into her room, 3 of those being in the last fortnight for wetting the bed.
1 year old is a bit trickier a child. Maybe tries a 3-4am wake up once or twice a month (on average) since moving, but she will usually settle back down with some milk. We sleep with all the bedroom doors open and I hear them straight away.
I was really anxious at first but I’m glad I made the decision that was right for my family.
I’ve heard some horror stories (in my opinion) of 4 and 5 year olds that have never slept through the night, never managed a night in their own beds and I’m just not good at functioning with no sleep. I’m a better parent in the day if I’ve slept. I feel mine were use to it before they really knew any difference.
I do think it’s a totally personal choice though and you have to read all the guidelines and make a decision that you feel comfortable with.

Ah, at last someone with a brain!

No, OP, you don’t have to do this. Do what suits you.

So the latest NHS guidelines state you have to be in the same room as your baby at all times?? Until what age?? What the actual?

Reading some of these comments, I honestly can’t believe my eyes. “My husband and I took turns having dinner and lying down in the dark with the baby.”
WTF?

NHS says until 6 months.

To those saying just to use a monitor. It is not the same, otherwise this would be recommended as an appropriate alternative. Im sure the nhs are aware they exist. It's absolutely fine for each parent/family to weigh up the risks they are comfortable with and make a choice based on that but dont judge those who followed the guidance. For me it wasn't just about the sids risks. It was about my baby needing and wanting me close by for their own comfort and feelings of safety. And also for evening cluster feeding. having a baby is a commitment and sacrificing time together with your partner is to some extent expected in the early months.That's my balance of info, but I respect that others may come to a different view and prioritization.

Baby stayed with us downstairs in moses basket or on me if feeding a lot, until we went to bed. We started to leave them upstairs at around 5.5m ish for an hour with a monitor, increasing this slowly as we felt comfortable. Also, baby didn't want to go to bed at 7 till a bit older so this worked for us. I was often knackered by 8 or 9pm anyway, if you don't have a good sleeper you take all the time you can get! For naps - depends on your baby but mine napped in whatever room I was in until 5m when we started to introduce the cot.

but there is no reason why baby can’t go down where you are. Eg if you’re making dinner, tending to another child etc just get a Moses basket you can move about

Yes, I thought so too with DC1. Baby slept whereever, we didn't have to keep the noise down or anything. All the result of my wonderful parenting!

DC2 was a humbling experience. Some babies will not go down whereever you are and agree to be moved about. So either you put them to sleep somewhere dark and quiet alone, or indeed go to bed when it's their bedtime, which understandably can also be a challenge.

@PollyPeep if the tv is drowning out the sounds of breathing, then it can probably be assumed that the sound of the tv is enough to keep baby alert enough to continue breathing.

It depends on the baby too. DS slept through from 8 weeks and DTwins are 2 months next week and so far, have slept through since 6 weeks. 7pm bedtimes.

No cluster feeding because they are formula fed.

Oh wow, this wasn’t the guidance when mine were babies. We just put them to bed and tried to settle them. Not always successfully. You have to stay with them till 6 months? What happens if they go to nursery?

How ridiculous. Of course you don’t. Don’t worry about a sleep routine. They aren’t important. My kids slept in the living room with us and then a feed when we went bed and slept through til 8am.

if the tv is drowning out the sounds of breathing, then it can probably be assumed that the sound of the tv is enough to keep baby alert enough to continue breathing.

So you could just put a TV on in baby's room?

This guilt inducing mum pile-on wasn't advice yet when mine were small. Back sleeping was. We didn't do that either.

SIDS wise, all I was concerned about was that neither of them stopped breathing.

I wanted to know about that if I was in the room, elsewhere in the house - or indeed asleep myself! Video monitors won't really help with that and yes, sleeping beside you helps regulate their breathing (caveman style). But if I'm asleep at night, I would never have heard baby stop.

We got a movement mat which told me everything I needed to know! Like @KvotheTheBloodless , occasionally baby would shuffle to one corner enough to set it off & give an almighty fright (mostly in a travel cot). But I knew if they stopped breathing I would know about it...which was the important bit for me.

Incidentally, I also have my suspicions about the impact of so much back sleeping it impacts skull shape by 18 months... We now have a generation of backsleepers throughout primary schools who are anecdotally the worst generation ever to teach. Too hard to pull apart from internet availability, pandemic socialisation impacts, over-entitled parents and wider loss of child services due to 'austerity'. But I do wonder!

Do what's right for you & keep the risks balanced & in perspective for your WIDER family health, OP!

Yeah that's my problem with all this advice. Just put a white noise machine on in baby's room, it serves the same function in keeping them from deep sleep. The whole regulating breathing thing makes no sense - in modern society this wouldn't be a protective factor because who can hear each other breathing generally. And if it's noise, just put background noise on for baby.

I will say, it's advised never to move a moses basket with baby inside, so I don't know how everyone is moving baby from room to room inside it? Carrying a baby upstairs in a basket seems more dangerous than having them in another room.

Dummies are also proven to reduce SIDs risk yet MN is notoriously snobby about dummies.

This is where all the safety messages get confusing… my son doesn’t fit in his Moses basket anymore (and hated it anyway) so I can’t move him asleep - however I thought carrying baby in a Moses was a big no no also?

Hi
i meant move the Moses basket about before he’s in it. Ours had a really light weight stand that we would just move around the downstairs. It’s expensive to keep up but maybe a travel cot could work for downstairs. If I need to use the kitchen I leave him in the living room with the door open and keep popping in. It’s impossible to be right by them all the time but I personally wouldn’t leave baby upstairs if I was downstairs even with a monitor

Mine went to bed at 22:30 with night feed usually at 02:30. This was vastly more civilized and they used to then learn to wake around 7am rather than the 6am all my friends were facing. Mine would then continue doing the "night sleep" which got shorter as they got older (and shifted to earlier at night too). It's easier to go out in the evening with a baby who isn't put down at 7pm. They do sleep from then and then wake for a feed which is when you can take them up to their crib.