Do i have to go to bed at 7pm??

[Blu3Bell]

Baby is turning 3 months soon, so I want to get in a good sleep routine. I know this means an earlier bedtime rather than 10/11pm which is what we do now.

My question is, if im putting baby to bed at 7pm ish and NHS guidelines state baby has to be in the same room as an adult for all day and nighttime sleep, does that mean I'm expected to be tucked up in bed at 7pm too for the foreseeable future? I can't see any wayy around it but surely not everyone is doing this?

Any advice/ideas appreciated x

Exactly. She’s hardly going to feel relaxed if she puts her baby upstairs in another room against SIDS guidelines.

Many people try for a long time to have a baby too. They don’t need to snap back to evenings with only their partner. They had a baby to enjoy having a baby. And it’s perfectly possible to have a nice evening with the baby with you. Mine were cluster feeding anyway! I wasn’t about to traipse up and down the stairs.

100%. In another thread I got called reckless and dangerous for not sitting next to my baby for 6 months constantly. Even though I had them in their cots, safely on their backs with nothing in the cots, checking regularly, I was still told I was "lucky they didn't die, not all babies are so lucky". Absolute madness.

www.uhbristol.nhs.uk/research-innovation/our-research/impact-of-research/sudden-infant-death-syndrome-(back-to-sleep-campaign)/

I think I missed the link on my other post, then I am backing out of the thread. As I said, I'm up for people making their own choices but don't make people feel awful for doing something different.

I admit, some of the language used is dramatic about babies being in their own room being dangerous etc but that's not everyone on the thread and no one is ridiculous for trying their best.

@DullFanFiction "Its not your great parenting skills, it's a baby that can fall asleep with noise around them."

I don't think it was anything to do with my great parenting skills. I think it's true that most babies will sleep through normal household activity if they are given the opportunity to learn. Obviously there are exceptions. But usually it works, and the twin requirements for adult evenings and for babies not to sleep alone are both met painlessly.

I cannot believe that this post and the vast majority of replies are actually real…..? Surely not? My children were all healthy normal babies. Upstairs alone to bed at 7, dark room, no reduction in noise downstairs and no baby monitor. From 3 ish weeks on. I never even questioned whether this was the wrong thing to do… I am truly flabbergasted.

Do I try my best to follow guidelines? Yes. Now baby is 3 months and no longer cluster feeding, wanting to “go to bed” around 8 I also have on occasion left baby for 30 mins in his next to me while I make dinner for myself. DP works long hours and for weeks I was eating toast for dinner standing up before going up to bed. DS has always hated Moses basket and is rapidly outgrowing pram bassinet.

I only moved the bedtime earlier when it was clear that the baby was showing tired signs earlier in the evening. For quite a while my DD just would not sleep any earlier than 10pm / 11pm. I think it was around 4+ months that she started seeming tired earlier and earlier in the evening and it was only at that point that I started any kind of routine. I think you just have to be led by the baby to some extent.

Ours all slept in their pram bassinet in the living room/kitchen day or evening until we went to bed then we took them and put them in the bassinet when we were ready for bed.

Genuine question: Did you not question the logic of sacrificing your own health by not being able to eat properly in the interests of avoiding something which was vanishingly unlikely to happen?

In return, proponents of this message are trying to make others, like me, who don't prescribe to constant vigilence, feel awful. It goes both ways. And worse than slight ridicule, they're labelling us reckless, dangerous and willfully condemning our babies to an untimely death 🤦‍♀️

I'm surprised too. I've had both my babies in the past five years and did the same as you, no baby monitor either. I refuse to believe in the absolute miniscule chance of something happening to a perfectly healthy baby sleeping peacefully in a safe environment. Your baby is more likely to come to harm breathing in air fresheners or drinking formula out of a plastic bottle (🍿)

Nah my health visitor said as long as safe sleep guidelines are strictly followed, you pop in and out to make sure all is ok and have a baby monitor, that’s suitable supervision and to enjoy those baby free hours to yourself before bed.

Yes, mine all born within the last 10 years! I also swore by swaddling (sometimes double layers for my extra strong wriggly middle child) but I will be absolutely crucified on here for that. My sister in law tied herself in knots by following every ‘rule’ out there and as a result was a very nervous mother. It prevented her from following her instincts. Thankfully she’s much more relaxed now and enjoys motherhood much more.

That’s a good question ⬆️ @jolies1

you matter too!

@PollyPeep

surely all baby bottles are BPA etc free?

Couldn’t agree more. Not sure how I would have got on if I’d have gone to bed at 7pm. Husband works long hours and eldest needed attention too. Household couldn’t have stopped at 7pm for a baby I’m afraid.

@LuckySantangelo35 BPA free sure, but BPA replaced with similar. Babies swallow millions of microplastic particles every time they drink from a plastic bottle. We're always advised never to drink heated water from a plastic bottle but we give them to babies https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2020/10/19/925525183/study-plastic-baby-bottles-shed-microplastics-when-heated-should-you-be-worried

I never see these kinds of unpopular discussions on Mumsnet, probably because it's out of the control of most people who bottle feed, although there are glass bottles available. But all this to say, there are bigger dangers to babies.

Couldn’t agree more, and I experienced raised anxiety after my births which made me a hyper vigilant parent. I feel sorry for mothers (because it’s always the mothers) being made to be overly hypervigilant when it’s flat/back sleeping without bumpers that reduces the risk of SIDs. I remember the tyranny of the bloody glow egg thermometer in the summer months and being convinced my baby might die because I’d been told they mustn’t be in a room over 17(?) degrees.

Yes, but at the point they stop breathing then it’s a bit too late, no?

Being in the same room as them is about preventing them from stopping breathing.

Like a lot of sleep deprived new mums on here I tried my very best to follow the guidelines to the letter before getting DS to a stage where I decided to balance the risk / safe sleep guidelines with my own well-being. I completely understand those who won’t even take that chance when they are being bombarded by posts telling them they are putting their baby in danger leaving them alone for a short time. It took the reality check of realising that driving with baby in the car seat was also a calculated risk but I needed to take that risk.

It's for 3 months. It'll fly by. It's not worth the risk imo. With my first, I just went to bed early. DH brought me food, drinks and I watched TV on my phone or read.
the second never went to sleep early, so just dozed off eventually around 10pm in the living room with us.

Yes, you need to stay in the same room when a baby sleeps, preferably until they are 12months old, although I think the guidelines still only say 6mths (I may be wrong). I went to bed at the same time, so we headed to bed around 10pm.

I would not be going to bed at 7pm! There's no need to put a baby to bed at that time, sure you're still doing night feeds every 2-3hrs anyway through the night, so just bring baby to bed with you when you're going yourself.

I am pleased you made that decision, for your own wellbeing.
I believe sleep deprivation is another byproduct of these silly and disproportionate guidelines, brought about by babies who basically don't get used to going to sleep properly.
Being downstairs with the TV on then sharing room and constantly waking each other up cannot - by any reasonable measure - be good for anyone.
Of course, there have always been babies who were poor sleepers, but when I had my first in 1992, three months was the 'magic time' when most babies were expected to sleep through, and by and large, they did. This was probably due to maternity leave being a lot shorter, so we were on a mission to get our babies sleeping through pretty much from birth. Routine was not frowned upon then either and in general, the emphasis was on maternal wellbeing, with the baby expected to fit in around the family.
Now on MN I read regularly that it's 'normal' for a nine, ten or even 12-month-old to wake regularly in the night. Not in my world, and I think the baby-led dogma will come to an end when it is revealed how much damage it is doing to the parents' mental health.

We had glass bottles only for my son. My daughter is a bottle refuser so that at least has never been an issue.

@Katypp "vanishingly unlikely to happen"

That's a dreadfully insensitive thing to say. Babies do die from SIDS, I know of someone's daughter who did and you never get over that loss and pain. Your dismissive attitude of babies dying stinks.