Do i have to go to bed at 7pm??

[Blu3Bell]

Baby is turning 3 months soon, so I want to get in a good sleep routine. I know this means an earlier bedtime rather than 10/11pm which is what we do now.

My question is, if im putting baby to bed at 7pm ish and NHS guidelines state baby has to be in the same room as an adult for all day and nighttime sleep, does that mean I'm expected to be tucked up in bed at 7pm too for the foreseeable future? I can't see any wayy around it but surely not everyone is doing this?

Any advice/ideas appreciated x

We also used to bleed people, say smoking was good for you, give guinesss to pregnant women,put babies to sleep on their front, put rusks in bottles, have no seat belts…. The list is endless. Had I not been in the same room as my son he would not be alive running round the garden today

This is what I did, worked brilliantly.

Great evidence based research, this is why the OP is concerned. See a lot of Survivors Bias in these comments which is worrying

That's what I was thinking too.

And OP you say you've had information on SIDS forced onto you? I look on it that we are so lucky to benefit the research and to have access to the information.

For instance, here on the UK there was a fall of 67% between 1988 and 1992.

That is significant and I'm so glad that those families were lucky enough to be given information that helped to keep their babies alive.

Self soothe as in if baby wakes up and makes some gurgling noises and goes back to sleep again. As I said, not crying!
Most humans wake up multiple times every night, if someone started poking and stirring as soon as we were roused from deep sleep we'd be exhausted in the morning.

Actually research has shown deaths are around 50/50 when it comes to cot vs bedsharing. Unicef have great information on this:

https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/news-and-research/baby-friendly-research/infant-health-research/infant-health-research-bed-sharing-infant-sleep-and-sids/

https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/baby-friendly-resources/sleep-and-night-time-resources/co-sleeping-and-sids/

That's not self soothing though, it's purely stirring between sleep cycles.

He could be in the same room and stop.

As harsh as this sounds you need to get a grip, being so anxious isn't good for you or baby.

With a monitor he'll be fine - he's upstairs for 2/3 hours - not in another building.

If you can get him napping upstairs you can have a coffee in peace during the day etc too.

I don't see any survivor bias on this thread at all.
Just people who have brought babies up a few years ago aghast at the knots new parents are tying themselves up in to mitigate a risk that is so small it's not worth thinking about in the grand scheme of risks.
Please don't be worried about us - be worried about the new mums (usually) who are so terrified of leaving their baby alone that they are not even eating properly.

Woah... fancy telling someone to get a grip for a valid concern.

OP, I'd realllllyyyy recommend reading Emily Oster's book Cribsheet - she looks at the scientific studies behind the recommendations and I found the sleep selection particularly helpful. She compares the reported additional risk to other life risk factors, like riding in a car for example. From memory, I think baby being in the same room has only been established as a weak correlation with no clear causation (hypothesis that it's something to do with breathing or whatever but no evidence) and the change in risk is considerably less than driving in a car. You can still decide to sleep in the same room at 7pm with your baby, but it helped me a lot to understand what risks I was ok with. It put into context that even the very "worst" unsafe sleep behavior (ie, putting baby on tummy) still adds a very small additional risk. To be clear, I am not advocating tummy sleeping, just saying that the risks we're talking about for the major factors are very small, so the minor correlations like baby sleeping in the same room as you are truly tiny.

I don't live in the UK and it is my understanding that the research behind actually sleeping in the same room in the US as your baby has more to do with falls - there IS strong evidence that parents who don't room share are more likely to fall asleep with a baby in a chair after feeding etc which IS unsafe. I believe falls are the number 1 cause of injury death in under 1s. BUT even that, our DC was a great sleeper, we were well rested and never up in the middle of the night with them after the first few weeks so we just were not going to fall asleep in a chair with them so we moved them to their own room relatively early. We looked at the risk, realized it was unlikely to be a situation we found ourselves in and decided we were comfortable with making a different choice.

Well that is what I meant. but if you're in the same room, it's so tempting, especially is you are a naturally anxious person (I'm not but even I succumbed) to continually checking and that is not good for baby nor parents.

oh we manage, all without putting our children at unnecessary risk.

I have no doubt that those mums were doing the best they could with the information available, but we know more now, hence guidelines changing to reflect that... it's not a dig or an insult to the way you may have done things but knowledge changes as we evolve.

Instead of being defensive about it, suggest ways op can help her mental health while adhering to evidence based guidance.

Still goes against safer sleep guidance though. They are meant to stir and wake, yes it can cause anxiety but they rely on our presence for regulation, Ops baby is only 3 months old

The guidance is only for such a short time.

I don't see any survivor bias on this thread at all.
Just people who have brought babies up a few years* ago aghast at the knots new parents aretyingthemselves up in to mitigate a risk that is so small it's not worth thinking about in the grand scheme of risks.*

My babies definitely aren't babies anymore.

Decent research has been around for at least 3 decades.

All Mums this information available to them, and can make their own choices.

Having known 2 families personally who have lost babies through SIDS, one before the research and one poor family who lost their baby whilst I was PG with DC2, I made sure I was aware of what the risks are.

And yes, it's a small risk but I wasn't keen on my babies being part of the statistic of 3 a week of I could take done simple steps to try and reduce the risk.

I did though have some times when I wasn't in the same room. Leaving a sleeping baby to go to the toilet. Answer the door or make a cuppa shouldn't really affect the risks to a degree and the percentage of deaths is small. Like I say, everyone has the information available, it's up to them how they choose to use it.

You never put your children at unnecessary risk? Define "unnecessary". Even driven them to the supermarket when uou could have got a delivery? Unnecessary. Did you want them to get run over by a lorry?
That's the kind of hyperbole this thread is full of.

Btw would like to see the stats for the bed sharing and decreased SIDS, as suggested by some on here, as I've read meta analyses which show different. Thanks.

I'd take anything Emily Oster says about children with a pinch of salt, she just looks at numbers and ignores a lot of factors.

She's an economist that looks at numbers. Not qualified in child development, her work is quite questionable when it comes to this area.

no unnecessary risk.. what's harder to understand?

We need food... what a strange comparison lol

Unnecessary - Watching a film downstairs away from sleeping baby that relies on me to help regulate their breathing

Necessary - Needing a drink, going to the toilet

Can't believe how pedantic people are just because they find the sleep advice inconvenient, so what.. the baby matters, things change when we have babies ffs.

Why can't you take the baby to the toilet with you? Thought you never take unnecessary risks?
Or you could just acknowledge that in real life risk assessment isn't always black and white.

Exactly the same here, I was on my own with dd and going to bed with her at 7pm would have meant I'd have never been able to eat, tidy up or do anything else necessary to keep my head above water.

@TakeMeToTheDarkSideOfTheMoon Babies needing parents stay close to help them regulate their breathing. That was definitely not something that came up when my two were babies (15/18 years ago)! What on earth does this mean?

I had done sometimes actually... but sometimes not possible and as said by another, not even a couple of minutes so the risk is very minimal compared to leaving them for longer periods of time.

Wow you are pedantic.

Maybe instead of trying to grill me, maybe you could make some suggestions to op to help them?

Or do you have some more pedantic questions?

I didn't write the research bud, no need to be defensive

Where is the research? Would love to see it