My baby's lack of sleep is ruining my life

[crispyeggs]

She is just a terrible sleeper and has been since day one. Had severe colic until 16 weeks and has always, ALWAYS needed rocking and feeding to sleep. She has never slept without this. She is six months old.

The last week, this is no longer working and she is screaming bloody murder from bedtime every night, all throughout the night and is sleeping only in 20 min intervals on one of us and is waking the moment we put her down. Have tried pain relief in case it's teething pain, nothing works.

Tried sleep training g but she doesn't tire - will just scream for hours unless held.

I honestly want to die. What do I do?

This is the only time this has happened and I honestly think it was sheer exhaustion. I tried leaving her in the crib earlier and she purple screamed. I really have tried everything.

It's like she has colic again. She's been up since 6 and napped for 5 minutes, she is exhausted and cranky l, gave tried dark room, sling and now pram and she is just screaming and angry

I appreciate this but do you actually live in the UK? Have you been to an NHS gp about mh issues? I'd really like to know what you think they can do. I don't have the luxury of breaking down when adjusting to AD meds, having been on then in the past I know they can be very effective but it takes months.

I have had many ups and downs over the years. Thankfully my GPs are good and listen and care. I do understand not everybody has this available to them.

I hope you get the help you need.

OP my dd was exactly like this. She had what I described on here at the time as sort of rages. They were frightening and felt abnormal.

On here at the time, people suggested cmpa. I dismissed it. Lo and behold that's what it was. It came to light a few months later when she randomly came out in hives. I know your go says it's not likely but they aren't very clued up on this. In your shoes I'd try eliminating milk products for a while.

Good luck. I know it's awful.

Only way we survived this was doing shift work. I'd go to bed the second my husband got home from work and sleep 6.30 - 1am. He'd then sleep 1 - 7 and then wake and take her for as long as he could whilst I then showered and screamed into a pillow knowing I had the whole day to survive.

It was awful and hard and I genuinely don't know how we got through it and why we went on to have another child 😂

Daughter is still a terrible sleeper but we can reason with her more now as she's 7

Mine slept much better by 6 months,but in the early months we did shifts also. So like 8-1 and the other 1-7 so at least you both get a solid window of sleep.

Leave with dad and get some good earplugs. The screaming drives you insane ☹️

Dad is at breaking point too and he's genuinely doing a lot more than he should be

Hi crispyeggs,

We're so sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

We can see you're getting lots of good advice and support on this thread but we just wanted to add a few more links to organisations which may be able to give you some support in real life.

Firstly we'd like to point you in the direction of an organisation called Cry-Sis www.cry-sis.org.uk/. It's a support group set up by a small group of parents who were experiencing problems with their crying and sleepless babies. If you click on the link you'll see they have specific advice for babies aged 3-12 months. Their helpline number is 0800 448 0737 and their lines are open 7 days a week, 9am-10pm.

Your baby is still very young and you may well be experiencing postnatal depression, so we'd urge you to take a look at an organisation called PANDAS Foundation which was set up to support families through PND & AND. Their webpage is here and they have a free helpline, available Monday – Sunday 11am-10pm - 0808 1961 776. Please take a look at their website and consider giving them a call - we know they've helped many Mumsnetters in the past.

Sending good wishes from all at MNHQ. We really hope things start to get a bit easier for you soon.

I'm sorry you'll hate this but sleep train.

My son was up every 20 mins to half hour being fed to sleep.

We did the Ferber method. I was at the point where I couldn't function and having a few tears actually was worth it.

He slept through from around 11 months but we started sleep training at 6 and got down to 2 wake ups. It was a life changer. I also didn't have any help as we live 7 hours from family.

My son is 18 months now and having a sleep regression and we're having to redo the sleep training. It's tough but when you're awake for hours on end anyway it makes no difference!

Did the GP check her ears throughly to rule out possible ear infection?

My first suffered repeatedly with ear infections as a baby and the first indicator for us was always sudden screaming and inability to settle at night.

I’m glad you got a wee reprieve. I just wanted to say that I feel you. I remember another mum saying that she felt traumatised by her child’s first year, and I cried because that was exactly how I felt but felt I wasn’t able to say it. I also knew I didn’t have PND or other MH - it just was a trauma trying to function on so little sleep, and feeling so angry and upset with this beautiful little thing that I so wanted but couldn’t bear to be near sometimes.

Like a pp said, unless you’ve had a child with extreme sleep issues, you can’t understand. I’ve forgotten the age you said your wee one was, but for me, 9-12 mo was the very worst time. The sleep deprivation was utterly chronic, baby was frustrated as she was so smart but unable to do things she wanted to. She got up hourly many nights. You will survive it. I don’t know how I did but I did. She’s 8 now and wonderful. You can do this.

Agree with @BeauxHeaux

Is she eating lunch and having snacks? Have you tried giving a meat protein and carbohydrate based dish for dinner, such as blended spag bol or similar as that can help mitigate night waking/early rising due to hunger.

You might be better off feeding breakfast & lunch & dinner. This seems really late at night for a baby.

I would also try something more bland & carbs to fill her up. Veg & avocado won't fill anyone up for long! It's a while since I weaned mine but remember baby rice filled them up. I imagine it's a combination of food being too late, too rich & not enough carbs & protein.

Can it be night terrors? My toddler had this and he would look like he was truly possessed like a scene from a horror film. His limbs would just move in a random way, very scary sometimes. He grew out of it by the time he was 5, but he still has vivid nightmares now and then.

Link about Night terrors

How are you doing OP?

Terrible to be honest. Been up since midnight last night. Living on the edge of my nerves

I could’ve written your posts, op. At the time I would have said I was suicidal. Maybe not what you want to hear but the only thing that saved us was sleep training.

Can he take her out in the car to a 24 hour drive through or just park up somewhere with a book/Kindle/coffee? Quite a few parents I know did this (including my own)

Please go to a decent GP and get some help. I'm old, my ideas are old but you don't need to be driving around with a baby in the car or paying for a sleep consultant.
Rule out any medical condition with baby, after which either do alternate nights with partner or leave baby to cry for short amounts of time. Value yourself

My 3rd child was like this, I remember going more than 48 hours with not a wink of sleep as when she did grab a few minutes here and there, I still had to be awake as I had two toddlers to look after. I swear I started hallucinating!

I'd try switching to a soy formula and removing dairy, see if that makes a difference. Or an osteopath can work wonders as well.

For my DD I never did find what it was, it carried on till she was 14 months old and then suddenly one day it stopped and we had no issues ever again other than when she had a uti. Weirdly the UTI only made her scream in pain at night, but antibiotics sorted it out quickly.

Oh and, if DH is watching baby get yourself some ear plugs, play white noise and sleep in ignorant bliss!!

I just wanted to say, you are doing absolutely amazingly. I've been there (a few times!) I honestly don't think anyone who hasn't been there will ever be able to begin to imagine how absolutely horrific it is.

People also can't believe that some uf us don't have multiple willing babysitters on hand.

I remember my mother once offering to sit in with one of mine because she knew I was at the end of my tether with exhaustion and I couldn't sleep - so frustrating - because I had gone past it, I felt like my brain circuits were fried and I'd lost the ability to fall asleep.

Also, people used to say to me, 'oh leave them, the most they will cry for us half an hour then they'll fall asleep' not so mine would become absolutely hysterical and beside themselves and take forever to calm down. One friend had a similar one and she said if she left hers to cry he would physically vomit from screaming in his cot.

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

We went through this. Gaviscon can backfire after a period of regular use because it can create constipation and tummy ache/wind and then you are back to having an upset baby again. I went to gp and explained she was having such a hard time and also what impact it was having on us, and I asked for omeprazole. Honestly it massively helped and is worth a try if you haven't already.

Sorry to hear it's all so horrendous OP. My first was an awful sleeper (but not as bad as you describe I don't think..). I remember once being in the car and clocking I wasn't even safe to drive I was so tired. At 11 months we hired a sleep nanny. She stayed over and sorted it. 3 nights. Brutal. And quite traumatic but brief.

This child is now 15. He was not traumatised by sleep training, and he's been an excellent sleeper ever since and still goes to bed early. He however is still an early waker - unusually for a 15 yr old!

Honestly - saved my life. Nothing worked.

Never sorted the fussy eating though.

My daughter was like this.
The cause was multiple food allergies and severe silent reflux. She was 17 weeks when she was diagnosed with the allergies despite seeing the GP pretty much weekly from 5 weeks and we first raised concerns about symptoms at the 10 day midwife visit!

She was following her line and everyone was happy. The lack of sleep and the screaming was my problem not hers. She was on the 9th percentile prior to removing allergens and moved to the 35th afterwards so even though she was gaining weight ok she actually was smaller than her natural size.

I have bipolar and was vulnerable to post partum mental illness. The sleep deprivation triggered severe post natal depression and psychosis and I ended up spending 10 weeks in a mother and baby unit and for the first time in 10 months the impact of a screaming infant on the mother's wellbeing was recognised. I felt heard for the first time.

My daughter still has poor sleep and reflux and allergies. She's nearly 4 and the nights where she awake every 40 minutes and only sleeping in my arms and those nights don't get any shorter but the wounds on my mind and soul from those early months on continuous crying are mostly healed and since she turned 3 we have felt ready to try again. Its taken some time to get my medication sorted but I just wanted to give some hope that the trauma and difficulties you are going through right now at someone will heal and you too can pass on your story to other women in similar situations as hope that those dark nights will end for them too.