My baby's lack of sleep is ruining my life

[crispyeggs]

She is just a terrible sleeper and has been since day one. Had severe colic until 16 weeks and has always, ALWAYS needed rocking and feeding to sleep. She has never slept without this. She is six months old.

The last week, this is no longer working and she is screaming bloody murder from bedtime every night, all throughout the night and is sleeping only in 20 min intervals on one of us and is waking the moment we put her down. Have tried pain relief in case it's teething pain, nothing works.

Tried sleep training g but she doesn't tire - will just scream for hours unless held.

I honestly want to die. What do I do?

We had massive separation anxiety around 6/7 months could it be this? Also hitting major milestones of crawling/ pulling herself up affected sleep. I second co-sleeping or letting her sleep on you. My first was a horrible sleeper until she hit two years old now she will go to bed alone and usually sleeps through. Second time around I have co-slept and it’s saved my sanity- one day she will be able to sleep without you but right now just do what you need to to get through it.

Can you co-sleep?

It doesn't sound like sleep training would work even if you wanted to do it. My son was the same level of stubborn and would just scream too. It won't stop, it'll just make both of you insanely stressed.

I vividly remember feeling like this, and I don't remember when it stopped, and it has been back for a few nights/weeks a couple of times since... but overall it feels like it was a long time ago. You do come through it.

For now, do what you need to do to get sleep, whether that's holding her in shifts, or sleeping propped up to hold her safely, or co-sleeping. I didn't think I'd ever be a co-sleeper but I felt a million times better when I gave in and we started to get decent stretches, at least.

I tried as it used to be the one way to get her to sleep and I'd do it at a push but it's stopped working. Its on us or nothing

And honestly I know how you feel, mine was the same - I was crying on and off all day, threatening to kill myself, saying really dark things and I had physical symptoms like palpitations and vomiting from the exhaustion. Until you’ve been there you can’t understand it, it’s completely desperate. Sending sympathy

Did the night time issues start when her naps went to pot? If so I'd try and do all her naps in the car/sling/contact naps to guarantee a decent nap for a couple of days to try and reset her. I find if babies are overtired there's loads of overnight wakes. I'm so sorry it's really shit and I've felt similar to you before. Sending love

Another vote for Co-sleeping here! It absolutely saved my sanity when DC was around the same age. He still needs a lay down cuddle at Nap / Bedtimes now even in his own bed, but truth be told - I love it and miss that little one next to Me every night!

I would try the co-sleeping or her sleeping on you - she wont need it forever. My little one isn't the best sleeper but is so much better than before. We co slept and he never went down in his cot for naps and now does for both day and night. He does still wake up though but nothing as bad as before. He's a CMPA baby and that definitely messed up his sleep and he still gets tummy trouble every now and then which makes him scream in the night until he's passed enough wind. He also sleeps on his front now which helps. Could try a probiotic to see if that helps in case of any tummy issues due to weaning.

My eldest was a terrible sleeper and we found out much later that she had various allergies. I suspect she also had had a cow's milk allergy that she since grew out of. We didn't really ask for help because we thought it was just what babies did, or luck of the draw. So you're one step ahead already, asking for help here is a good thing.

I think you need to go back to your GP and INSIST on a referral - maybe to allergy clinic or another paediatric department. But don't let them fob you off. Record her in the night, keep a diary and say that this needs to be referred immediately. It could be something easily rectified.

When you're in the midst of it, please please just remind yourself (I have said it as a mantra!) that it truly is just a phase. It is absolute hell when you don't sleep and have to deal with that, but it does pass. You will have brighter days and restful nights. It's just around the corner, honestly.

Also, agree with the shifts that another poster suggested. Also call in family or friends to help for an hour or two if you can. A nap knowing you don't need to be on standby to respond to cries can make a huge difference.

@crispyeggs I was in a really bad place mentally with sleep deprivation too op. At my absolute lowest I was sobbing to a helpline that I didn't know how to go on living another day. It was absolutely horrendous and a really dark time in my life.

No advice but it absolutely does get easier. My dd is 2 now and a real joy, from 11 months things just got better and happier by the day. Dd sleeps in our bed most nights so not ideal but we go with it for now.

Are you able to persevere with the co-sleeping?

I really hope things get better for you soon, I have 100% been there xx

Thank you, this made me tear up xx

My DS1 was like this - screamy, squirmy, uncomfortable, raging, napping only in day if pushed in buggy, slept for painfully brief moments at night if held. I went through 6 months where I spent most of the night every night dozing upright in a chair while he slept fitfully in my arms as could not put him down.
It was like he just hated being a baby. I remember that feeling of wanting to just lie down on the floor and sleep for a thousand years.
i took him to the GP so many times and got fobbed with off with ‘he’s colicky’ ‘he just wants to be held’ etc.until one time he had a meltdown in the surgery and it was enough to have him fast tracked for paediatric review. He had CMPI, and things did improve a bit after I cut out dairy. Eventually as it got older it got better, around age 2 I think he actually slept all night for first time.
He is now 13 and sleeps epically as do many teens. Worth mentioning that he is high functioning autistic (Asperger’s) with some sensory issues. I think in his case these issues contributed to his discomfort as he couldn’t articulate as a baby what he didn’t like and what overwhelmed him.

Also my little one wouldn't co sleep and would only sleep on me when I didn't know he had CMPA - when the milk was eliminated he was then ok to co sleep and then finally move to his cot. I just can't help but think tummy troubles are part of the issue

It's not that easy unfortunately, my husband is brilliant but I can't rely on him for this every night when he's working. We don't have any family who can support unfortunately

babies are not stubborn! The baby did not have the faintest idea what you wanted of him - do you think babies know what sleep is? or know if they have done it? of course they dont.

I have no advice. My eldest was the same, nothing worked except time. Sorry, that isn't much comfort to you at the moment.

You sound like your at your wit's end. Could you look at putting your DD into some kind of childcare once a week, even if it was a short day or morning session. It's not going to solve her sleeping but would allow you some time to yourself to sleep and get some headspace. 💐

Another here tk recommend cosleeping for a while: My baby co slept until 14 months next to me in bed and then didn’t need my anymore and would sleep through without me by her.

sometimes they just need a warm body by them, and you are NOT making a rod for your own back.

I put a double mattress on slats on the floor and slept in a sleeping bag up to my middle, as I was terrified of covering her in my duvet accidentally . We were bf’ing so if she woke up I shoved my boob in her mouth and she’d sleep. Went to bed at 1900 when she did and listened to podcasts in the dark. Not ideal I know but may help with your sanity, and I promise, it will not last forever either. Pick the easiest option for you: for me, this was it as like you I was at the end of my tether

I really do appreciate the cmpa comments but the gp won't entertain it as she is happy during the day and is gaining weight, she has has periods of not-terrible sleep also

Thank you. Does this just mean 0 social life? I don't have one right now anyway but it would be nice to be able to have an evening out once a year or be able to go on a family break but this doesn't sound possible

Could your dh do 8pm - midnight at least while you get some sleep before taking over? Even just for a few nights a week, it might help if you can get some 4 hour stretches of sleep in? Sleep deprivation is so horrendous isn't it

Oh OP, I so remember this. My daughter was an absolutely hideous sleeper.

Nothing we tried worked, so I don't have any advice, except - ignore all the stuff people say about creating a rod for your own back. DD was such a disastrous sleeper that I just fed her to sleep, co-slept, did literally whatever she needed - now, at 2.5, she still feeds before bed, but doesn't need me to go to sleep and will settle quite happily for someone else if I'm not there. She sleeps through, mostly, and has even become capable of staying in bed until her gro clock goes yellow.

My point is- it is SO, SO much easier the older they yet, because they understand more and you can reason with them. I can now tell DD 'stay in bed until your clock turns yellow', and she can understand (and do it!). Babies can't do that.

So to hell with all the 'sleep habits' bullshit. I'm sure it's great if you have a normal, functioning baby, but if you have a mad one like ours, you do whatever you need to to get through another day. You will get through, you will sleep again, and one day your daughter will be the most glorious child whom you can't quite associate with that screaming, sleepless monster. But for now- do whatever you can, and don't worry about setting up bad habits.

Sending you love, OP - it is SO hard, but it will pass. You are doing amazingly.

No, not necessarily. It was my DDs preferred way of sleeping - with me right there - but she didn’t have to have her preference all the time. If I had to do an overnight for work for example, or was going bonkers, her dad (or anyone willing) could hold and cuddle her and they would get through it. My DD needed it till 14ms. Yours might need a lot less than that until they can sleep through independently or a bit longer. Who is to say.

I highly recommend Lynsey Hookway. Her instagram has loads of extremely sensible advice on baby sleep. We are sold lies about how children sleep and then feel insane when ours don’t behave as expected.

I personally felt better knowing she was calm and sleeping, and my social life did come back. (And then I had baby 2 and it’s gone again for a short while!)

I'd hugely recommend getting a sleep consultant involved.

To me it sounds like bedtime is too early, I would really prioritise naps in the day whatever way you can - contact napping, car, buggy whatever - and push bedtime later. Look at wake windows and revolve your day around them. Work on timings first and then worry about location / how baby is sleeping.

We used a sleep consultant with both our babies and it was a complete life saver.

FWIW my 7 month old only does 30 mins naps and that seems right for him. We still get 3-5 hour stretches overnight (after working on it a lot!)

Good luck ❤️

The problem is I can't sleep despite exhaustion - every cry wakes me up even in a different room

Nobody should be feeling as bad as this ever. I may have missed it, but do you have any family/friends who could at least give you the chance to get some sleep and then formulate a way ahead?